


You charge me up like electricity.

by skyblue993



Series: Electricity Saga. [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Attraction, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Falling In Love, G.G References and quotes, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, OOC, Parties, Queen J., Spoiled!Jude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:53:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 49,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title of the Story from the song "Powerful" By Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Rey.<br/>Title of the chapter from the song "Toxic" By Britney Spears</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride.

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the Story from the song "Powerful" By Ellie Goulding & Tarrus Rey.  
> Title of the chapter from the song "Toxic" By Britney Spears

Every kindom has its royalty.. and San Diego has me.

I'm Jude Adams Foster,biological son of Stephanie Fosters and Lena Adams,my step mother.

My mother Stef is a Foster, and that makes us one of the richest family in San Diego..

There's another family that owns the city, but now we are focusing on mine.

My mother officially married Lena last year, but they knew each other for years.

She was mom's first love,but then Reality happened..and families got involved,so they had to break up.

At first I didn't get along with her and her sons.. Jesus and Mariana.

I didn't get along with them because they are so differents from me..so casual and friendly and "Kind"..and I think a part of my reclutance at first was due to the fact that they were....how do I say this without being a complete ass?

 " _Poor"._

But then I got used to them, and Lena's sweet smiles and I grew attached to her kids,and for once in my life I feel like I was wrong.

That's the thing about me, I'm spoiled and I'm aware of that.

I am mama's little baby, and although I'm almost sixteen I know I will always be her untouchable boo.

That's what causes conflicts between me and my sister Callie...she craves mom's attention, but she only has eyes for me.

Because the differences between me and Callie are that I'm an A student, she barely attends classes at UCLA.

I'm never out till late, she comes back home at dawn, sometimes even wasted.

My brother Brandon doesn't care... as long as she pays for his music lessons at Juilliard, he's cool with everything.

"Good morning Bitch".

That's my best friend's Taylor usual greeting, she's the worst.. but she wakes me up handing me my favourite latte from the finest coffee shop in San Diego so...

I sit up on my bed, taking the cup from her and sipping the amazingly warm chestnut latte.

"So, what are the plan for today?" She asks while intently checking her phone.

"I can't ditch school again today, my mom busted me yesterday."

"Ugh..." she lets herself fall on my bed.

"Be careful..these sheets are more precious than your fake extensions."

Taylor is used to my  amounts of kindness...

I get up from my bed and head towards my closet to pick out my outfit of the day.

I open the door and that makes me sigh for how much I love that closet....it's what I like the most about this penthouse...It's huge, almost like a bedroom.

"I wish I had your closet" Taylor sighs dreamly.

"Maybe in your next life you will" I retorted sharply

 

After half an hour I'm finally ready to go to school.

"The other girls are waiting for you outside of school" Taylor says probably texting to the other minions.

I nod to her,grabbing my backpack.

 

"Anchor beach High" is the finest school in the city.

It's a private school, and I consider myself the king of it.

Everyone wants to be my friend, I love how the crowd split up when I walk throught the hallways and I'm feeling fascinated by how they look at me..

in love with my life, or either wanting to burn me alive with their blazing gazes; Yeah,not everybody likes me.

It's like the kind of scene that plays on "Mean girls" and I feel like Regina freaking George with My minions walking next to me, looking straight ahead,Ignoring the dreamy expression on the other's students face.

"what's my first class?" Daria, one of my minion,quickly checks on my schedule without missing a beat.

"Spanish" I nodded without even replying to her.

I admit that I am way harsher with Daria,than with the other minions.

It's not that I don't like her...it's that she hooked up with someone once.

And that someone is the boy I had my first kiss with..

Not that she knows, nobody knows... I doubt that he even remembers... He was a bit tipsy that night.

 

We were at some girl's birthday party, and she decided to play "Seven minutes in Heaven".

I had to share seven minutes of my life with my biggest nightmare.

"Jude....." He whispered my name so gently that made my heart ache with want.

He pushed me against the door, and before I could react he kissed me.

My eyes widened in surprise, we were friends.. and yes,I had a crush on him..but I've always thought he was straight.

That kiss broke all of my Certainties, and as his lips moved against mine and his tongue filled my mouth,I let myself go.

The day after that, he acted completely normal..but our relationship had changed for good.

Especially one week later when we happened to be at the same party, he walked past me with Daria clinged to his arm heading towards the bedrooms.

He was intently looking at me while he was closing the door of the bedroom, staring at me like he wanted to prove something.

But it was just out friendship reaching the point of no return.

 

I open my locker, and the girls are standing behind me chatting about the gossip of the day.. it doesn't takes a genius to guess about who.

"...I've heard He hooked up with Susan Beckman" Maddie says.

"No way... I thought she wanted to stay celibate till marriage" Taylor laughs.

"She's a slut" Daria replies with a voice full of disgust, and it just makes me laugh.

" You're just jealous because you got dumped by him." I replied slamming my locker.

Taylor bit her lip, holding a laugh..trying to be a supportive friend for Daria.

"I Have to go to class, You're dismissed." I tell them with a dismissive gesture of my hand.

"See you at lunch J." Daria says smiling,and it makes me mad even more..

"Only Taylor can call me J." She nods disappointed and with a hint of hurt on her face,before heading to class.

 

When I talk with my bestfriend time flies, infact when we're done talking class has already started.

We don't share classes this morning, so I head towards Spanish class on my own.

The hallways are empty and as soon as I turn the corner the presence of a boy leaned against the wall almost gives me an heart attack.

He laughs at my reaction.. he's an asshole.. and I hate him so much.....but he's so attractive that It would be a waste if I will ever get the Chance to punch him on his pretty face.

"Stevens." Greetings are overdue since we are civil that much.. although we were inseparable once.

"Fosters" He greets me back with a smirk on his face.

My hearts wont slow down his racing beats.. and not because I'm still scared..

He stares at me, and I can't understand why he has to act so weird everytime... why he always gives me these mixed signals.

I don't get this,I don't get him.

I break the heavy silence by saying : " It was nice meeting you..I have to go now."

But when I walk past him, he suddenly grabs my arm preventing every way for me to escape from him.

He turns me around, and we're face to face..few inches apart for our lips to touch.

I try to hold his gaze, to act cool... like I'm not craving to him to touch me,or kiss me, like I don't care.

My face is completely detached.

"What do you want?" I ask trying to keep my voice steady, still trying to undestand what he wants from me.

He laughs again, his hand still gripping my arm.

"What? two old friends can't say hi to each other and catch up?"

I take a step away looking at him with disdain..

I hate the Stevens family.

Connor Stevens and his dad Adam are the wealthiest people in San Diego.

His Dad owns hotels all over the city and it's safe to say that his son is almost as spoiled as me.

But Connor Stevens is a player, and I had the proof of it when he kissed me..like he wanted to,like he was craving for it as much as I was,and then....

everything had changed.

The day after he acted like nothing happened, Like I didn't happened in his life; he was cold and detached.. and now,he's playing again this kind of sick games with me.

But this time I wont allow him,I'm stronger than the attraction I feel for him.

So I turn around leaving him there with that smug face I wanted to punch but also kiss at the same time.

"See you around J."He says leaning against the same wall with a mischievous smile that makes me feel shivers down my spine.

 

 


	2. Takes me higher to infinity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual content in the end.  
> Title of the chapter from the song "Powerful" By Ellie Gouldin.

I hate him,so much.

I Hate his smug face.. and the gloathed smile spreading on his face when he watches all the girls looking at him dreamly,dying to be his next victims.

I hate his dimples...those irritating but yet adorable dimples when he, rarely..at almost non-existent frequency,smiles genuinely.

And for last..I Hate those plump,invitating lips...that makes me want to ripping it out with bites.

I hate him....that I love him.

Taylor knows something is off,that's why I made her the honour of being my BBF.

She can see right throught me as no one can.

She keeps throwing at me these worried looks, and I don't how she figured that there's something wrong.

Well, maybe she figured it out from the fact that I'm basically mute during lunch.

The other girls don't dare to break the silence, staring awkwardly at their lunch.

"So..." Taylor is the only one that has the guts of speaking up,that's why she's my best friend.

"There's a party tonight.. at Steven's place." My heart flinches just hearing the sound.

And of course there is.

"What are we gonna do J.? "She asks,and for the first time during lunch,I reply.

Now, there's two thing I can't possibly deal with:

The vision of Connor's Stevens hooking up worse than Barney's Stinson and assisting it on live,or the slight chance to see that big of a douche of his father Adam...

_I couldn't._

"And what? Seeing all the kind of depravation that is Connor's Stevens? No thanks."

I'm trying to be subdle.

"He requested personally for you to attend J."

_I Could._

But I'm trying anyway to stay on the downlow... trying to hide the goosebumps on my skin just hearing that.

"I guess it wont hurt seeing what this is about.." The other minions start giggling excited, except for one.

"What it is honey?" I lay my hand on top of Daria's asking with fake kindness in my voice:

"You can't bear seeing him deflowering and dumping some girls like he did to you?"

"No." She replies trying to be strong "No,I'm fine.. there are plenty of other fish in the sea".

That just makes me laugh, and I do.. in her face.

"That's what he told you after he dumped you?" I ask her meanly before adding:

"Obviously it's a rethorical question... because It's obvious that he wasn't interested in some little shameless goldfish."

The other girls start laughing,and Daria has on her face the expression of someone who wants to beat the crap out of me and for a moment,I'm sure she's going to...

I can see it from the way her face is turning red, and her shoulder are tense and rigid, and her fist is clenched...

"Whatever" she replies letting out a loud sigh, and shaking her head as to clear his mind from her killer instincs.

I guess my little show with Daria cleared off every sign of worrying of Taylor's mind,infact she doesn't say anything when we are heading towards home in my limo.

"I can't believe Daria.." She says suddenly.

"What?"

"How could she lose her verginity to such a bastard"

I still didn't know how I could waste my first kiss with said bastard.

"I don't really know T."

I really don't, If I knew.. I would have traveled back in time and I wouldn't have kissed him.. Because my obsession started with that kiss..

I'm conflicted between this Love-Hate feelings towards him,and there is no way of getting out of it.

"Are you okay?" Taylor asks, worry and concern back on her face.

"Yes T." I lie.

"I was thinking about what to wear tonight " I lie again and she seems to believe it... or she knows better than trying to talk to me if I don't want to.

The limo stops in front of her house.

"See you tonight" She says giving me a kiss on my cheek before getting out of the car.

At home I spend the most part of the afternoon sleeping, feeling exhausted by the unstoppable thoughts about him,and what I would have seen at this party tonight.

I'm with the other minions in the elevator that leads to the Stevens penthouse.

The elevator is huge, and the whole structure is made of glass... so I can see San Diego under my feet.

That's how the Stevens must feel every morning, having San Diego at their feet.

The elevator stops with a "Ding" sound, and the doors slides open.

What I see in front of me is like what you see in those classic American movies... Loud music,people either drunk or making out or dancing in a very NOT appropriate way,And in the distance there's some people making body shots.

This party has no boundaries, and I was right about the level of depravation of Connor.

"Wow.. this is a whole new level of Hell" I say to Taylor with low voice, she just nodded momentarily speechless too.

 

This party is so crowded that I have a hard time to breathe...I need to get out, right now.

The only way of reaching the balcony is jostling drunk people,so I carelessy do that.

"Ah...finally" I say to myself taking in the cool breeze.

The view is even more breathtaking than the previous one, I can see the whole city living under my feet.

The bright lights, and the moving cars,and the beautiful full moon in front of my eyes.

"Romantic isn't it?"

I jerk around at the sound of his voice.

I should have known...my heart starts racing just looking at those hazel eyes.. but despite that,he can't know what going on inside of me,It would be a mess.. so I just act cold and bitchy as usual.

"Yeah very" I agree before adding with a smirk "this is one of your classic pickup moves when you take the girls up here and you say:"The moon is pretty,But it doesn't shine like you ?" or "You are the most beautiful thing in the whole universe babe".

Connor smiles amused.. coming closer to me,never breaking the contact between our eyes.

"Nah,these are the classic pickup lines I only reserve to you darling". 

Him calling me like that...hits like a blow in my stomach. 

But I can't allow him to mush me up like this, so I keep replying with my armour of bitchiness.

"Yeah? and what gives you the certainty that I would ever fall for your cheesy lines?" I laugh nervously trying to avoid his eyes.

I feel my strenght,my armor... my self confidence starting to wreck.

His closeness,and his hand lifting up my chin.. it's too much.

We stay in silence for few seconds, Just looking at each other, his hands still lifting my chin up.. I'm starting to think that eventually he would kiss me.

And then...

"..Because I know all I have to do is whispering your name to completely melt you down."

Moment ruined.

 

I push him away,breathing heavily..I can't believe he's this much of an ass..

I can't believe he just used the most vulnerable moment of my life, and of our past friendship to win some stupid game of control with me.

"Jude" He laughs trying to reach out for me with his hands.

I keep looking at the ground,I can't see him in the face.. because I swear If I wasn't so in love with him I would have thrown him out of this balcony.

I feel so much anger rising up throught all over me,I can't stand staying here anymore.. So I turn around and I head towards the elevator not looking back once.

I don't care about the girls not coming with me, I don't care about going home so early.. I Just want to not be there,and not seeing him.

I feel hot tears falling on my flushed cheeks, and with the sleeve of my very expensive shirt I wipe them away.

Steven's house is not far away from mine, so I start walkind down the sidewalk of the luxurious neighbourhood.

As I try to cool down taking long deep breaths, I feel something behind me.

I don't want to turn around,because... what if is some kind of murderer? I don't want to be murdered before I have the chance to make the life of Connor Stevens a living hell.

I promised myself while I was getting out of the elevator... He has to pay for this.

I keep walking speeding up a bit, but the presence behind me feels every step more closer.

"Jude!"

I hear his voice calling me, and I turn my face looking at him in his limo's "following me" down the sidewalk.

I keep looking straight ahead of me, not letting even for a second my heart to get excited for this.

"Jude!!"

"What?" I blurt out and keep on walking, feeling annoyed by all of this parade.

"Get in" He orders and I just laugh shaking my head not considering him worthy of my answer..

Is he serious?!

"Ohhh come on! You really want to hear me beg don't you?" He says with puppy eyes and voice so sweet... 

 _"Stop it."_ I can feel my brain screaming at my heart.

I just keep walking,ignoring him and his limo following my way.

"I don't understand...what did I do! you stormed off like that without even....."

That.

That makes me stop,and turn around,and as soon as his limo stops on his track I open the car's door and slid inside.

Connor looks at me speechless... he's probably thinking that he has reached his goals, like always...

The golden boy gets everything he wants..

He reaches out for my hands but I repulse his touch like his hands are made of burning fire.

"Don't touch me".

He obliges staying perfectly still in his seat.

This is my occasion of lashing out everything that this bastard put me throught,and I'm not losing this chance.

"I don't get you! I don't get what do you want from me... YOU kissed me at that party, and then you decided to never speak to me again.

I was devastated by your decision but I respected it and I suck it up with it,Then you deflowered  one of my sluts, and then you dumped her.

Then you make this jokes and innuendos like you're flirting with me.... so now it's enough! Are you messing with me?! I'm some kind of dolls that you can play with and then throw away? I'm not Daria, or Susan Beckman or some other of your chicks.. I'm a living breathing person and I'm sick of you and your way of playing with my feelings!... so to answer your question, this is what you did to me!"

I'm screaming, I'm aware of that... and I don't give a thing.

The shocked expression on his face, his mouth wide open trying to find some strenght to say something...is priceless..

He's paled, and he still can't let one single sound coming out of his lips.

A heavy silence fall on us, all the screaming left me breathless, and as I feel that my heart could burst out of my chest in any minutes Connor suddenly grabs me by my foreharm, shifting my whole body onto his lap.

I don't have the time to realise what is happening because his lips suddenly connects with mine.

He makes a desperate sound against my lips, his hands lifts up to gently caressing my cheek.

I can't believe this is happening, it's all too fast..few seconds earlier I was screaming at him like I never thought I would to, and now His lips are moving urgently against mine.

I try to give myself some decency,and slow things down.. even though slowing down it's not exactly what the "Most irrational" part of me wants in that moment.

He tries to deepen the kiss, his tongue darts out to lick at my lips and I lose it.

I chase his tongue down intertwining it with mine.

I open up my mouth against his while my hands lift up and grab at the short hair behind his scalp making him moan.

As our tongues are fighting for dominance, our hips start rubbing against each other, making me feel from the inside of me  a deep rush of arousal.

His mouth moves from my lips so sensually light, feeling like the touch of a feather like he's following some invisible trajectory.

I close my eyes,forgetting about everything.. about our past, my undeniable love for him, the fact that he will probably act like nothing happened tomorrow..

But I was too much intoxicated by his touch to stop ;I couldn't, It would have killed me.

"Connor.." I moan moving slightly my neck to the side in order to give him more space to work his magic on.

The friction between our body makes me ache with want, it's driving me crazy and our hips moves against each other increasing the heat of the moment.

My hands moves under the soft material of his sweater touching the skin there and I feel the shivers that my simple touch is doing to him.

"Jude." He warns me voice full of arousal.

My hands continues their trajectory towards his abs, touching the muscles there and moaning just at the feeling of how well built this guy is.

"You're so hot" as soon as the words comes out of my mouth, he kisses me again hot and desperate while I feel his hands slowly unbottoning my Armani's shirt.

I appreciate that he doensn't tear it off,considering how much does it costs.. I would have forgiven him though.

The though of that during the hottest moment in my life makes me laugh, he notices.

"What?" He asks smiling, and that makes me smile too because It's Connor's legendary genuine smile.

"Nothing, Just took this off" 

He smiles even more taking his sweater off and throwing it somewhere on his limo's carpet.

Every fantasy of Connor's bare chest has never prepared me to this vision.

It was like some artist has sculped his body,it's perfect... in every inch of skin,I close my eyes as I let my hand dry invisible lines on on his chest, around his nipples and onto his stomach hearing his soft moans filling my ears and my heart.

The air around us is incredibly hot and tense.

His hips lifts up increasing the friction between us making us both harden in pleasure.

"Fuck" the curse comes out of my lips as soon as his hands are unbuckling my belt.

Connor quickly lifts his eyes up looking deeply into mine.

"You sure?" he says, and then "We don't have to".

I know tomorrow will be over, and I know that he will never feel what I feel for him, but for once...I wanted to live in the moment.

"Yes."

One single word, and he pushes me off his lap and laying me down on the backseat.

he take the rest of his clothes off and I just stared at him in disbilief seeing at such as mouthwatering vision.

He pulls out of somewhere from his limo a pack of condoms and I can see clearly lube.

My eyes widens, not for the two items... but for the fact that I was 100% sure he was straight, and that could mean two things:

That he's also into fucking guys, or that he'd put it in his limo just for me.

The last option makes me doubt truthfully, but in the heat of the moment I just don't want to think anymore.

 

"Do it...Connor,please" I can't make it anymore,I need him in me... and although I know it would hurt,I just want to feel connected with him.

He pulls out his finger off me, staring with eyes wide at it full of lube,like he can't believe it either that this is really happening.

 

It hurts in the beginning but as soon as he speeds up with his movements the pain is replaced by the most beatific sensation.

I feel in bliss as he pushes in and out of me in erratic movements that it's close to take me to heaven.

"Jude...You are amazing" I open my eyes looking up at him, and the vision of Connor's Stevens taking me in with every thrust, with the most erotic expression on his face, eyes closed for the intense pleasure takes both of us to the edge.

  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if that was lame,but It's my first time writing something like that so bear with me LOL.  
> Add me on twitter if you want : enzapa1


	3. I know if I'm haunting you, you must be haunting me. (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter from the song "Haunted" By Beyoncé.

I knew it.. before it happened, I knew that It would have ended like this.

That I would feel like this... but for my own selfishness I did it anyway.

The bubble we were in until few seconds ago slowly starts to blow.

He's still inside me, breathing heavily and looking at me with wide shocked eyes.

 _"He's regretting it... he's regretting it... he's regretting it."_ My brain shouts at me, and as he pulls out leaving inside of me an unpleasant emptiness, I can clearly see his warm and loving expression from before turning back into his detached and emotionless face.

He doesn't say anything as he gets dressed, he's clearly avoiding every human contact with me.

So I start getting dressed as well without saying anything either.

"We're at your place" He proclaims coldly from his seat still not looking at me.

I just nod, opening the car's door and I look at him one last time..before heading out.

Once I'm in my room I head straight towards the bed.. letting myself fall on it with a loud sigh.

As soon as I close my eyes, still completely dressed, my phone starts ringing.

I don't want to hear anyone..but as soon as I see Taylor's name flashing on the screen I can't help but letting her know that I'm okay.

"Hey T."

"Where on earth are you?" She yells at me.

"I'm at Home" I simply reply,closing my eyes again.

"And it didn't cross in your mind to give me an heads up? you scared the hell out of me."

She's so caring.

"Don't worry T. have fun at the party"

"Well I would, if the party was still on... Connor came home from nowhere and started yelling shit at every one to get out"

My eyes opens widely,feeling suddenly awake.. I'm trying to keep the breathing even.. and I'm definitely not succeeding.

"W..What happened?" I'm starting to stutter and my head is spinning right now; I don't understand what It's wrong with that guy.

"I don't know! He seemed wrecked.. he had these huge dilated eyes,his hair were all over the place.. You had to see him J." She laughs.

My brain just shuts down,it's completely out of commission... I have to sleep on it or it will burst out of my head.

"Listen T. now I'm really tired... and I don't feel well,we'll catch up tomorrow morning okay?"

"Sure..Night J."

"Night T."

And then... I fall asleep.. still completely dressed.

 

"Happy birthday to the biggest achievement of my life"

My eyes shot open...I have completely forgot that today is my birthday.

"Thanks mother" I simply reply to her as she stands at the foot of my bed.

"Happy birthday sweetheart!" Lena greets me, coming closer to my bed and wrapping me in a big,warm, hug.

I'm still not used to her cuddles,considering that my mother Stef isn't exactly your average mother, the one that loves you unconditionally..You have to earn her love,prove to her that you're worthy of her love.

She loves me, she considers me her biggest trophy... she only has eyes for me,but she's far from being the warm and friendly mom that is Lena.

"So..what's your plains for today? it's your sweet sixteen!"Lena asks excited while sitting down on the mattress next to me,while mother stays perfectly still a few feets from us.

"I don't know yet.." I truly don't ,but as weird as it sound I have some ideas..

"Well..I was thinking... maybe we could gather the whole family.. and have dinner or something."

As the words comes out of my mouth,Lena's eyes starts sparkling in happiness and she says:

"Oh my god it's a wonderful idea.... Stef?" She asks and the smile fall off her face as soon as my mother replies:

"Actually I have some business dinner tonight Honey..."

"Well Honey you can always reschedule...it's your son's birthday..." Lena retorts with the same disappointment i'm feeling through all over me.

My mother lifts her eyes up from her phone and she glares at Lena.

"Lena, you know how important this dinner is to our financies...and Jude knows it too" and then she addresses to me:

"Right Jude?".

" ....of Course" I retort disappointed as I'm getting up from my bed.

"Business comes first" I say on my way to the bathroom  "You should write it on the family's crypt someday".

Neither of them replies.

I'm hoping that the minions are planning something fun and cool,something to get my mind off of all of this.

 

"Morning Bitches"

They are all waiting for me near my locker, and as soon as I Join them,Taylor squeezes me in a big hug.

"Happy Birthday J.!!" She says smiling widely,she seems excited.

"Thanks T." I hug her back closing my eyes at her warmth.

"So..what you bitches planned for my big day?" I ask them after wishing me happy birthday.

The mood in the air shifted... they looked at each other awkwardly avoiding my eyes.

I ask them what's wrong and why they have those looks so constipated on their faces.

Turns out that everyone already had plans,I finally adress to Taylor saying that it would be just the two of us.

"um..." Taylor starts "Here's the thing...I have this thing tonight..."

I can't hear another word, I turn around slamming my locker extremely pissed off, and without saying a word I head toward class.

 

Connor Stevens is surprisingly already sitting at his desk the moment I walk in.

I never thought this day would come.

I don't know if it's voluntary,but as I walk past his desk towards the one available behind him.. I feel a feather touch on my hip.

It's just a second,a slight touch of his finger... and he sets completely my body on fire.

A simple touch that unleashes all the memories and incredibile sensations of last night.

I feel my face getting hotter,and my cheeks burning...

I try to act cool,but he must have noticed because as soon as I sit down He slightly turns his body towards me, looking at me like his gaze would have burned me in any moment.

The world around us feels like slowing down,like in a sort of slow motion.. there's only the two of us looking deeply at each other.

After a heart stopping moment he finally turns around in his desk with a hint of a mischievous smile on his lips.

I feel tense the whole time.

Sitting at my desk and looking at his scalp takes me back to the memory of the previous night when I was gripping at his hair, desperately clinging myself to him.

Finally the bell rings and I gather my things standing up from my desk.

He's still sitting when I walk past his desk and I hear him whisper faintly to me:

"wait outside".

 

"Hey" he greets me outside of the classrom.

I'm leaning against the wall and he comes closer with the same mischievous smile from before.

"Hi." I simply reply.

He waits before speaking up, maybe waiting for everyone to walk away,so that we can finally be alone.

"How are you? you know....after...." 

I blink, twice feeling confused and surprised, Is he really asking me if I'm okay after we've had sex?

He frowns looking at my face, he seems more confused that I do.

"Yeah" I don't know what else to say to him.

I'm tempted to say :"Thanks for adding me to your deflowering list by the way." But he seems so oddly caring and thoughtful that I would feel bad afterwards.

"Cool." He replies staring awkwardly at his feet.

"Why are you acting so weird?" The question comes out spontaneously, because he is.. and I want to know why.. it's not that now that we had sex anything would have changed afterall..

  
He blinks,probably feeling blindsided by my question.

"I Am not acting weird.. why do you think that?!" he sounds so defensive..

I just shrug.. maybe I'm imaginating things or the fact that he's being so abnormally sweet has officially intoxicated my brain.

And I'm seeing things that don't exist; That's why hope is a bitch.

"I Have to go.. Have a good day Connor".

"Wait!" He shouts suddenly before I can move myself from against the wall, My eyes widen at the vehemence of his voice.

"Yeah?" He seems nervous, and I'm more convinced than ever that this is just a dream.. he can't possibly be.. but the way he's acting..Looking so shy,fiddling with his fingers and avoiding to looking at me.

He finally lifts his eyes up and he says:

"I just want to wish you a happy birthday".

 

 


	4. I know if I'm haunting you, you must be haunting me. (Part 2)

Our daily interaction ends right here... he wishes me an happy birthday and he just walks away leaving me like a fool.

I seriously need a handbook to understand this guy, he takes me to complete madness.

Once I'm home, there's the delightful surprise of my sister waiting for me in the living room.

"Here he is!" She gets up from the white leather couch as she approaches me graceful with every step.

She stands in front of me,holding her Gucci's hand bag.

"Happy birthday Judicorn!" She suprisingly hugs me,the warm affectionate moment ruined by that hideous nickname.

This is the first human contact between us in years, but I'm not complaining..I kinda missed her,so I hug her back tightly.

"Thanks Callie".

She pulls away from our hug smiling at me, and then she sits back on the couch patting on the seat next to her for me to sit down,

but I don't feel like sitting down right now..mostly because my ass is still sore.

"I would have never guessed to see you up this early..since you've turned into a sort of vampire".

She laughs, she always laughs when I'm bitchy like this..she usually shooks her head saying that I'm Hilarious.

"Don't judge me! Now that you're sixteen you are gonna discover the world of clubbing and drooling over boys."

She stares at me.. she must have noticed the crimson blush spreading on my cheeks.

"Did mom tell you?"

I only told my family that I'm gay, and although Callie is part of the family I didn't feel comfortable enough at the time to tell her.. since she's always so uptight and judgy, bitchy,snob..and careless,so focused on herself.. the list could go on all day.

I didn't want to be judged,even if she's my sister.

"Why didn't YOU tell me?" She blurts out crossing her arms, she's clearly offended and hurted by my negligence into telling her the big news.

"I'm sorry Callie...it didn't came up"

At that point she's truly pissed and she shifts uncomfortably on the couch ,letting out a loud sigh of frustration.

"It didn't came up? Jude I'm your sister! " Okay now she's raising her voice...

"I can't believe you didn't have the balls to tell me such an important thing like this!"

The way her cheeks are getting redder.. and her fists are clenched.. and the way her voice is high pitched...

It's Definitely not a good sign.

I'm freezed,and I sit on the couch next to her laying a hand on her shoulder trying to soothe her.

"Listen Callie..."  her hands slaps away mine preventing me to do that,She doesn't want to be touched, and she still doesn't look at me.

"I'm sorry Callie" I'm feeling a jerk right now,because It sucks to be the last person knowing..it makes you feel excluded.

I know the feeling.

I lay my head on her shoulder and I can feel her relaxing a bit.. and after some minutes of unpleasant silence she says:

"Ok,I forgive you..." My eyes starts shining for happiness and relief, but the joy is quickly replaced by a frown when she adds:

"But I want to be the first one to meet your first boyfriend".

"Deal"

 

She takes me out and we have a nice time talking,catching up and going shopping..

We are going from bags shop to other bags shop..over and over again...until I Lecture her at some point about her maniacal obsession over bags.

"You just bought yourself a bag Callie" I point out.

"Remember one thing.." she says "every bag is different from another one."

"Yeah..but that's insane..." despite my sexual orientation,I will never understands the feminine's universe.

 

The ride of the elevator that leads to our penthouse is filled with silence... it's oddly quiet,And the both of us staring awkwardly at the ceiling.

"So..have you planned something special for tonight? maybe hanging out with your friends.....or some boy"

She says at some point, alluding again to the "Boyfriend deal" I just  glare at her in response rolling my eyes.. she's unbelievable.

"Callie..there's no boy in my life right now" I don't know why but it feels like a lie...well Technically it isn't.. but still,The last thing I want to do on my birthday is thinking about boys..or one boy in particular.

As the elevator's door slides open I'm welcomed with a general:

"Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone is smiling and laughing and clapping at me.. I smile looking at Lena,standing in the front line of people and she gives Callie a thumb up, and with her undeniable warm expression that I've learned to love,she smiles back.

It makes me feel special, it makes my heart warms.

Callie is laughing too,hugging me tightly from behind wrapping her skinny arms around my small frame.

"Happy birthday Judicorn" She whispers softly into my ear.. and for the first time,I'm not annoyed by this ridicolous nickname.

 

The party is full in swing, I'm greeted by every single one of my friends,even the one that maybe shouldn't have been invited.

Truthfully speaking, as soon as the elevator's door opened my eyes immediately and instinctively found his.

As usual I felt the world surrounding us freezing ,the only things that mattered were his eyes blazing into mine.

 

I'm chatting with my sisters Callie and Mariana about our intense afternoon of shopping,when Adam Stevens approaches me

followed by his son.

"Hello Jude" 

"Hello Mr. Stevens" I greet him politely without any excitement in my voice to having him here,in my house.

"Happy birthday" He says,voice filled with the same apathy.

"Happy birthday Jude" Connor says addressing to me with the same detached expression on his features that belongs to his DNA.

"Thanks to the both of you.." 

The situation is really awkward, Connor is looking down at his feet trying to find some miracolous way to escape from this awkward "Conversation".

His father is holding his flute of champagne looking at me smugly, and occasionally taking a sip of champagne looking around himself with air of superiority.

I feel a sudden rush of anger just looking at this ass acting like he's the most important person in here.

He's an horrible person and I hate him,because I Know for sure that he has something to do with Connor deciding to end our friendship.

"Excuse me, my mom is calling me".

I find this excuse lame too.. but I can't help myself standing near Adam Stevens any more second without wanting to hit him ,or throwing his flute of champagne all over his hideous face.

I walk away from them,and I'm looking out for Lena throught the crowd.

She's standing in a corner of the living room, all alone.. and I feel empathy for her,still not used to these kind of parties.

I come closer to where she's standing and as soon as I'm right in front of ther I can't help but hugging her.

She immediately hugs me back,feeling her warmth throught all over me.

It's nice.. this motherly affection.

"Thank you for this...I Can't believe you two tricked me this morning..with the business dinner thing.."

I say to her as soon as we pull away from our hug.. and for the second time today his joyful face turns into complete sadness.

I get it, it takes just one look in Lena's innocents and loving eyes to figure everything out.

"Where's mom?" I try to find the answer in her eyes since she doesn't answer me,knowing that she could never lie to me.

She doesn't reply.. lifting up his gaze into my eyes,feeling as embarassed and disappointed as me.

That makes me burst into sarcastical laughters .. this must be a joke.

"So the business dinner wasn't a joke?" I feel anger rising throught me.

"What?! She felt so bad that she planned this last minute party so that she can buy my forgiveness?"

"Honey..." Lena tries to calm me, but right now nothing can calm me down from this.

This is officially the last straw.

Everything from the past few days... the anger, the frustration,the words and the bottled up feelings are coming out like a vulcano.

And I'm unstoppable.

"I Don't give a crap about this party!!" I start yelling at her even thought I know she has nothing to be sorry about..

"I just wanted my family... I wanted MY MOTHER here! but as usual she choose to have her delightful business dinner over his son's birthday."

This is going to be bad...I feel the hurtful words raising up from my stomach and coming out of my lips.

"So Fuck the business dinner,fuck her investors..... and fuck her!"

My eyes widen in shock... I can't believe what I just said... I turn around and everyone is staring at me shocked as much as me.

I feel my pulse speeding up,and my face getting redder.. I feel bad because Lena has nothing to do with all of this.

She's the sweetest person ever, and I feel a monster for not giving her the respect she deserved when we first met.

I shake my head like to clear it from all the drama,and pain,and problems, and incessant thoughts, and the hurtful feelings..

I just want to feel it empty,And not thinking anymore.

I turn around and run away from the room feeling my eyes glisten with tears.

I decide to hide in my bed room when no one can hurt me anymore.

 

I sit on my bed, staring mind absently into space..now that I let all out,I feel some sort of emptiness inside my mind.

I still can't believe what I did,but more important I still can't believe that my mother ditched my birthday party for having dinner with her jackass investors.

I hear a knock on my open door, and I when I lift my eyes up I see Connor stading on the threshold.

"Can I come in?" He asks softly,maybe afraid that I would snap at him this time.

"Yes" 

He sits down on my bed next to me,and I feel his hand laying gently on mine.

The simple contact takes me back into reality, and I look down at our hands for few seconds..before kissing him.

His eyes widen in surprise.. and he doesn't kiss me back..instead he pulls away with a frown on his face.

"Get out" I can't deal with this now.

"Jude you don't underst.."

"What should I understand? That you're not into me?" I look straight into his hazel eyes.

He looks so conflicted, and it pissed me off even more.. because I don't need this right now.

I feel my lungs constricting and my stomach aching for the pain..

_I don't need this._

I keep repeating to myself,while tears are running down my cheeks..I try to calm down my breath,taking some deep breaths.

_Inhale...exhale..._

The last thing I need right now is showing my weakness to him.

"Please.." I beg him "Go away".

I close my eyes letting the tears fall down on my sheets, and I'm expecting him to go away..and have fun at the party,But surprisingly He doesn't.

I feel his hands gently wiping away my tears,and his arms wraps around my waist hugging me tightly while his hand is caressing my back.

"It's okay Jude...let it all out.. You'll feel better" He murmurs into my hair as he runs a hand throught it soothingly.

I keep crying into the crook of his neck,and it feel better.. for me, not for his shirt completely wet with my tears.

"Are you feeling better?"He asks after some time,his arm still wrapped around my waist.

I simply nod, still not functioning into saying a word, but the moment I lift up my gaze he's the one kissing me.

I completely melt into his kiss..gripping his shirt as to cling myself to him.

He pulls away again, and I let out a frustrated moan.. but it's suddenly replaced with a smile when he says:

"Don't ever think that I'm not into you."

Just that.. and then he's back at kissing me again.

 

It happens again..but on a comfortable bed this time and not on the back seat of his limo.

_"Make me forget,Connor"_

I keep repeating to him as he thrusts inside of me.

"Yes" He moans kissing down my throat.

The building pleasure caused by his thrusts takes me into oblivion... The cells of my brain officially shutting down.

All I can feel is pleasure running throught my veins,powerful like electric shocks.

"I will make you feel good" he keep repeating over and over... and "Your only thoughts will be me inside of you...nothing else".

His words whispered hotly in my ears makes me grip hard at his hair and opening my mouth against his in a bruising kiss.

I need to kiss him,feel him, and drown in him completely.

While I'm reaching the peak of my orgasm he wrap his hands around me increasing the building pleasure and finally taking me to a burning hot orgasm.

 

"Wow...." I don't know how else to say this, and as we both lay on my bed,still very naked,he simply nods.. like a quiet agreement to my statement.

I'm expecting him to go away,but instead he surprisingly wraps his arms around me.

"We should do this again sometimes" He says genuinely smiling and laying a kiss into my hair.

I love his real smile.. it's so relaxed,and warm and loving.. and has the power of making me smile too.

"Yeah.. we should"

I know i'm being stupid..and that my heart will be probably be shattered and I will be a mess..But I'm selfish,And He's a jerk.. And I still don't understand what does he want from me, but I'm so intoxicated by him that it doesn't even matter anymore.

 


	5. I got my eye on you,And I can't let you get away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter from the song "Radar" by Britney spears.

We stay like this..for I don't know how..I lose track of time considering that I'm still ricovering from the sensation of being in heaven. We're Just two laying bodies next to each other,just breathing in each other's essence.

It feels like this,from the way he is occasionally laying kisses throught my hair.. the touch so gentle that feels like satin.. So light and delicate,Like I'm his porcelain doll.. and he's terrified by the thought of breaking me.

I close my eyes and I feel asleep in his arms cuddled by his gentle touch.

The morning after I'm woken up by one,not so gentle, touch.

"Honey wake up" Just hearing her voice makes me feel sick. I keep my eyes closed.. pretending that I'm still asleep.. just seeing her face.. after what happened the night before..

"Jude, I know you're awake.. so we're gonna talk!" The commanding tone in her voice makes my eyes opening widely and in one movement I sit up on the mattress, just staring at her.. speechless.

Once I'm recovered by my momentarily state of mutism, I snap at her by saying:

"Talking about what exactly? About you ditching your only son's birthday party? Or throwing a last minute party because you were so full of guilt that You felt the need to buy my forgiveness?!" 

I'm getting up from my bed walking past her heading towards the bathroom when she stops me holding me by my foreharm preventing me from every intention to escape from this meaningless conversation.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that young man!" She shouts and then she adds "I'm your mother! And your behaviour at your party was.."

"A mother?!" I can't control my self so I just burst out in laughters.

"First: Take your hands off me." And then I release my self from her grip with a shrug "Second: A mother is the first guest to her son's birthday party..."So make us both a favour... and Get out".

I've never talked like this before to my mother,but the anger is consuming me... how dare she?! She stays still in her spot, and I decide that if she's gonna stay here.. I'm gonna get out.. and I do, slamming the bathroom's door behind me.

I'm used to all the attention when I come to school.. I'm used to the dreamy looks and glares and sights.. Because everyone wants to be me.

But Today.. I'm not feeling comfortable by the kind of glares I'm getting..Every one is whispering.. and laughing,and making comments about my outburst from yesterday.

I'm approaching my locker and there's Daria standing with her back towards me,talking to Maddie. Neither of them are aware of my presence and I'm very interested in what Daria is saying to Maddie.

"I mean.... have you seen his face? Maddie, you have no idea how much I was gloating!" Maddie notice me,and her eyes widens in terror, while Daria still not aware of me listening to every single one of her words, keeps going on with her show:

"That party was a total blow up!" She laughs playing with her curly hair.

"Daria...." Maddie tries to warn her,but she keeps rambling : "The humiliation on his face it's something that I will keep printed in my mind for a very long time" and then: "He got what he deserved..that piece of cr..."

"Emh"

If she thought that my face was priceless yesterday while I was running away full of guilt and humiliation, then she has to see her face right now. I pull out a compact mirrow from my backpack and I open it turning it towards her ,still shocked,face.

"See? This is the face I will keep printed in my mind for a very long time... I will destroy you Daria, the rumors will fade away eventually... but my hate and disgust towards you.. will be eternal." She doesn't say anything.. she tries to open her mouth to justify herself.. and From one side I would want to hear her lame excuses,but I've heard enough.

"Ah..ah...ah shh..." I say laying a finger on her lips " Don't... don't waste your voice,because when I'm done with you.. you will barely have the strenght to breath"

"You.." And then I give her a sloghi push, articulating every words coming out of my mouth "backstabber "another push.... "slut"... until her back slams against the locker.

Now I'm getting even more stares.. but at this point, I don't care anymore..

"You got it?"

She doesn't have the strenght of answering me, so she just nods her head.. terrified.

"Good" I release her grip and she keeps standing right there, laying her body against the lockers.. still not moving from it.

After that.. she loses every capability of looking into my eyes. 

"Your scene with Daria surely had an effect on people.." Taylor says while we're sitting at our usual lunch table.

"What do you mean?" I ask her taking a sip at my fruit juice.

"Well.. After what happened yest.."

"Can we please stop talking about yesterday?" I can't help but snap.. I'm tired of this "Yesterday's thing".

"Yes..." Taylor adds quickly "It seems like they are scared of you..."

I give a look around us, and as soon as I turn my head is clear that everyone was looking at us for the way they quickly do something else.. what a way to be subtle.. it makes me laugh.

"As It should be T. " She agrees nodding her head, smiling at me.

Today there's only the two of us at lunch..because Maddie has to study and she's at the library, and Daria maybe she's hiding in some hole.

"Ughh.." She snorts at some point looking into the distance.

"What?" I ask her trying to follow the trajectory of her eyes.

"Don't look!" she says quickly and thankfully she clarifies "There's Stevens right there.. and guess who's with him?"

Just hearing his name makes me look even more carefully.. and I start feeling anger boiling from the very inside of me.

"Oh my god.. why on Heart this Woman has zero dignity?" Taylor snorts glaring at Daria.. sitting a few tables away, precisely at Connor's table. I immediately notice The way she's clinging to Connor's arm.. and the way she's fluttering her eyelashes.. and she's pratically drooling all over Connor's very nice sweater..

 I see red.

"Where are you going?!" Taylor asks widening her eyes, not even realized that I got up from my seat.. but Daria is messing with the wrong person.

I look at them all the way towards his table.. he's sitting with his jocks friends, and Daria is still clinging to his very well built arm.

Every one is looking at me surprised to see me.. Jude Adam Fosters standing near their lunch table..

Is Connor that breaks the silence, looking at me confused.

"Foster" He says with a glimpse of excitement in his eyes.. and then he adds :"Or should I call you.. your highness?" 

"Stevens" I greet him back with the same emphasis.

"What brings you here Making us common people graceful by your presence? "

"Nothing..I Just wanted to say to Daria that she left something at my house the other day...." She looks at me confused and she asks with a very distrustful voice:

"And what it that?"

"Maybe we should go somewhere else and talk in private...You don't want them to hear" I'm suggesting her..looking so kind and innocent.

"Well.. they are my friends, so they can hear.. spill" She says challenging crossing her arms like to show me that I have all of her attention.. and that's exactly what I want.

"Oh... Okay Daria if you insists" my tone is so innocent and candid.. she has no idea.. "You left your homemade pregnancy test at my house D."

Everyone gasps and glares at her... yup.. it was exactly like I pictured it.

She finally take off her hand from Connor's arm.. and he seems relieved.. from the way he sighs as soon as she pulls away. And then.. I keep going, just because I'm mean and I'm having so much fun humiliating her.

"You know... my mom found it and started asking questions, because obviously it wasn't mine D."

Every one starts laughing.. and she doesn't know where to hide so She gets up from her seat, crimson red in the face.. and she starts walking away...but I'm not done with her yet..I'm enjoying every minute of this.

"I had to tell her D! And there's a high chance that my mother called your mom this morning". I'm aware that I'm raising  my voice.

She stops on her track turning around with eyes wide, paled skin and sweat on her forehead.... the whole school is staring at her in disbelief and amusement.

"I Hope you are messing with me Jude! She cannot know!" I come closer to her now shaking body, and I lay my hands on her shoulder looking evilly into her eyes.

"Don't worry D. It will be good for you having a lesson about the importance of using a condom. You dugded a bullet this time,but It will be good for you,You know?!". She pulls away without even replying, and she storms off with humiliation written all over her face.

Yes, I'm loving every seconds of this.

After a pretty intense school day and taking advantage of the beautiful sunny weather I decide to walk home today.

It's so relaxing.. enjoying the warm breeze..

"Hey!" at the sound, I suddenly turn around and there he is.. again, like two nights ago, Connor Stevens creeply following me with his limo with the most gorgeous smile on his face.

"Hey beautiful, do you want a ride home?". 

 

As soon as I join him in the limo,he doesn't required necessary any other kind of greetings.. he quickly pulls me on his lap, kissing me deeply.

"Connor" I moan against his lips.. I wanted to do this since I saw him this morning with Daria clinged to his poor arm.

"You were so naughty and evil this morning, with Daria.. it was so hot seeing you so worked up" he says rubbing against me,increasing the insanely hot building friction between our bodies.

"I wanted to take you, and have a really interesting time in the janitors closet..."

".. ummh, and why didn't you?" I ask him,pushing my body towards his hips. My hands gripping tightly at his hair.

He moans licking around the shell of my ear,making all these incredible and so damn hot sounds.

" Because people would have heard you.. "

"...Me?"

"You.. moaning like crazy"

He makes me laugh.. even if it suddenly turns into a moan as soon as his tongue enters once again my mouth filling it completely.

"You're very vocal during sex" He adds with a smirk once he pulls away looking at me happily.

I smile at him, it makes me happy seeing him so relaxed and carefree, it makes me think about when we were best friends..

I lay a hand throught his hair gently caressing him,and he closed his eyes.. the vision of bliss on his face makes me lift his chin up laying my lips against his.. a bit gently this time.

I can't help it, I had a glimpse of what having Connor Stevens looks like...and I can't stop anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone feel bad for Daria? Ahaha for a moment I did... Lol


	6. Every inch of your skin is a holy grail I’ve got to find.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter from the song "Love me like you do" By Ellie Gouldin.

He keeps holding me on his lap,his grip tightens around my waist.. I lay my head on his shoulder and we stay like this..Eyes closed,Just hearing each other breathing.

At some point.. he's managing to pull  his phone out from his pocket, then I'm observing his finger tapping on the screen finally realizing what he's doing.

"Here" He says handing me his phone "This is my number.. Save it".

I decide to ignore the commanding pitch in his voice, but I definitely will.

With some sort of difficulties considering our position I slightly lift my body up from his lap, in order to make the task easier I pull out my phone and He smiles looking at my lockscreen.

"Nice picture".

It's a picture from a family trip, the first official vacation of the new Adams Foster clan.

We went to Italy that year, we visited Rome, the warmth and cordiality of the people was incredible.. and it was contagious. Infact in the picture Connor was looking at was taken by my mother.. it's spontaneous because In that moment I was busy eating a icecream, which in Italy they calls "Gelato".

It tasted so good that it will be one of the word that will be forever stucked into my head, along with pizza. Anyway, mom called me at the last minute for making a pose, and she took me completely by surprise, so she catch me smiling happily while eating the icecream and enjoying the warmth of the summer weather.

" I like your smile here" He says pointing out at my bright smile with his finger ... It was my first genuine smile after what happened between us. 

He notices the blush spreading on my cheeks and he leans in, laying a kiss on it.

"All done" I announce once I've saved his phone number, and resting my head back on his shoulder.. I don't want this moment to never end, I want this moment to be endless. Me in his arm, his hand slowly caressing my back, his lips dropping kisses on my neck. This is heaven.

"What?" He asks hearing me sighing, I smile into the crook of his neck laying a kiss on the tender skin and I feel him shiver by the light touch.

"I like this " I admit, feeling my eyes starting to close.  He doesn't reply, but I can definitely feeling him tensing up, his hands suddenly stops the smooth movements on my back, dropping on his lap.

The air around us gets heavy and I'm afraid that I've screwed up. That somehow I've crossed some line, that for him... it's just a sexual relationship and I'm not allowed to think otherwise. 

All the worst kind of thoughts are crossing my mind.. And I close my eyes shut, to prevent me to drop some tears onto the leather seats.

I'm the worst drama queen, I'm aware of that.. and Connor.. Connor is my worst kind of kryptonite.

"I'm sorry"

I'm the worst... I managed to ruin this... 

I hide my face into his shoulder but I suddenly feel his hand lifting up my chin, so that I can look into these beautiful, heart stopping, hazel eyes.

"What are you apologizing for?" He asks, trying to search the answer into my eyes knowing very well that he can't never find a lie inside of my eyes. Because they reflects exactly what my heart is feeling... unconditionally, painful, consuming love for him.

But I can't look into his eyes,I just want to hide Into a hole or something.. because now I will tell him, and he will freak out.. and our magical bubble will blow, for good. so I lay down my gaze staring instead at his amazingly soft sweater.

"Jude..." He says,lifting up my face and holding it into his hands, making me looking at him.

"What's going on?" He's worried, looking at me almost in the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry... I felt like I crossed some some with that sentence"

"Jude..." He stars talking absently caressing my cheek with his thumb,but I keep talking avoiding his eyes..

"No, Seriously... I shouldn't have... that was inappropriate considering this kind of... Relationship" I says to him air quoting The word: "Relationship".

"No Jude it's not wh.." 

He tries to explain himself but I keep interrupting him, and I feel his arms wrapping once again around my waist tightening his grip.

"Should we call it relationship? I don't know how to call it since we started having sex and kept having sex... so...."

"Jude would you..." 

"You know what?" I interrupt him once again:

" let's keep making out and forget about this whole th...."

"Would you shut up and let me talk please?!"

Connor snaps raising his voice and laying a finger on my lips like to stop me from talking again.

I finally lift my wide eyes looking up at him,  and Connor really seems amused by my endless rambling.

" Yeah..."

He lets out a laugh and he keeps running absentely his thumb along the hollow of my cheeks, never breaking eye contact.

"Do you..." He stutters, his cheeks coloring with a red blush "D-do you like me?"

At this point I'm blushing too and Trying to keep my breath even.

"Define... like"

He laughs softly.. shaking his head, but his warm expression never leaving his face, he looks so... happy. Apparentely he has figured the answer by himself, because he says all happy and amused :

"Seriously? You got to be kidding me.... Jude Jacob, part of San Diego's royalty..with a crush... For me!!"

I know he's only trying to lighten up the air seeing how uncomfortable I was to have this conversation.

Noticing how relaxed he seems to be having this conversation I finally feel myself relax a bit and after letting out a deep breath I laugh along with him Hitting him lightly into his shoulder with a pout on my face.

"Don't mock! you don't know how annoying is, to feel these constant things in my stomach...like... fluttering"

His eyes widen, and I'm now realizing that I've said too much.. once again, damn feelings.

"Butterflies?!" He asks with a huge smile on his face, and then before I'm completely died for the embarassement I feel his lips on mine.

"Guess what.." He says between kisses "Me too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How cute are these two? <3


	7. Ain't no other man, Can stand up next to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the chapter by the song "Ain't no other man" By Christina Aguilera.

I can't help but smiling like a stoner throughout all the way from his limo to the elevator. It feels like I'm walking on a cloud...I feel like in heaven,and my lips are still tingling for all the bites and kisses.

I press the yellow botton, and the elevator's doors slides open with a mechanical sound.

"Hello" I turn around, not realizing that there was someone else behind me, waiting.

He's a guy about my age, blond sandy hair and his eyes are blue like the ocean.. I have no capacity of speaking yet, still recovering from the bliss.

So I just give him a  nod with my head like to acknowledging his presence.

We step in the elevator, and the ride from the ground floor to my pentahouse never felt so long before.

"What's up?" He says suddenly turning his head towards me. I'm still staring awkwardly at the closed doors so I just snort. I don't know why elevator rides are always so awkward, and why this guy is talking to me?

"Wow..rude much" He mumbles rolling his eyes. I let out a laugh shaking my head. This guy seems like the kind of character of fiction , totally loaded and polite and clean..with his preppy blazer and his Harry Potter's kind of glasses and his sandy hair perfectly styled, and I bet his mom pick his daily outfit.

Finally the elevator doors slides open, and I'm kind enough to give him a vocal greeting this time.

"It was a pleasure." I say stepping out, but the guy follows me into the penthouse, and this time I'm a little scared.

"Do I need to call security?!"

He bursts into laughers, and I want to punch him in the face.. After a while he sobers up and before he's about to tell me why on Earth he laid a foot into my house, Mother pops out into the foyer.

"Jude! Honey! " She says with the most annoying and fake voice, laying a hand on my shoulder, which I immediately shrug off.

"I see you already met Nathan." She smiles warmly, laying again his hand on my shoulder, and this time doing the same thing to this "Nathan " Guy pulling us closer. What a prick name... 

He seems like the kind of guy who has his name sewed on his underwear. It makes me laugh.. and I do, I laugh... My mother and this kid are looking at me like I've just been released by some Asylum.. I should probably stop.

"Yeah... we've been acquainted" He says sarcastically ,and my mother frowns.. figuring out from his tone that I've probably been a jerk. She sighs running a hand throught her blond and perfectly curled hair and she smiles politely looking at me expectantly.

"Jude..." She's expecting me to introduce myself to this prick? She's high or something?

"Jude." She repeats with a slight more threatening tone. I sighs handing my hand toward Nathan.

"Hi, I'm Jude" I says and he rolls his eyes hearing my very not that much enthusiastic tone. But still.. his mom taught him manners, so he shakes my hand politely replying with the same flat tone.

"Hi... I'm Nathan".

"Okay" I say in a dismissive tone "Introducing have been made... I'm just gonna go in my room."

I turn around but my mother stops me, gripping me by my forearm. I turn around groaning and glaring at her.. what the hell she wants?

"Jude" She says in a very deep threatening voice "It's rude to leave a guest unattended.. so please, Join us."

She smiles, but I know her.. and her smile truly says :"keep your ass here".

 

I'm boring my ass.

We've been sitting on this couch for two hours... I'm sitting on the loveseat across from where they're currently sitting, on the big white leather sofa.

They seems very friendly with eachother.. giggling and sipping tea, and sharing gossips.. 

"How's your mom Nathan?" she asks suddenly.. and I let out a sarcastical laugh.. I should have known, if this is some lame tentative to set us up...

"She's good, she's been asking about you.. She says we should out to dinner sometimes" She smiles brightly, laying a hand on his arm.

"Oh Darling, yes.. we need to arrange it. We would love to!" She says happily clapping her hands and turning his gaze towards me...I'm included in this dinner thing?! 

"Right Jude?" I guess I am.

 

"Bye" I say to Nathan with tone completely flat, being "Forced" by my mother to tell him goodbye.. Very "Unfortunately" He had to go study, because He's a good kid, and an A student.. and His mom is very very proud of him because he's gonna be an amazing president someday.

".....aaaand, I'm gonna go" I proclaim as soon as the elevator doors are closed, turning on my heels and heading into my room, locking the door preventing any plans my mother has to "bullying" me some more.

I'm sitting on my bed doing homework.. and while I'm struggling with Algebra I'm constantly checking my phone for someone's messages.. I'm obsessively staring at the screen waiting for it to ring.

"Give yourself some decency geez" My mind is screaming at me, and then "You look like one of these girly girls waiting for him to call, playing with the strands of their hair".

I immediately pull away my hands from my hair, because I suddenly realized that I was doing that.

"Okay, I'm gonna lay it on my desk, since I'm too lazy to get my ass up to check every time."

I'm talking by myself, I'm well aware of this. I get up laying my phone on my desk, and then I head back on my bed, trying to focus... but all my attempts of focusing are useless.

I keep staring in front of me, at the device laying on my desk.

"What if it's out of signal, and I'm missing some important phone calls..." I think to myself,trying to find a justification for my madness.

I Shake my head, feeling to have finally reached the edge of the insanity.. 

While I'm debating conflicted between my heart that is begging me to take that damn phone and texting him, and my brain calling me asshole and telling me that I am desperate.

The phone finally rings, and I almost fall from the bed for the sudden jerking sound breaking the complete silence.

I get up quickly, and I head towards my desk in a hurry.. as soon as I see his name flashing on the screen my heart loses a beat.

I sighs heavily, waiting few seconds before answering.. because although I have no decency, there's no need to let him know this too.

"Hello?"

"Hi" Just hearing his voice makes my heart melt, and I bit my lip preventing me to smile like a loon.

"Hey" I sit on my bed, just hearing his soft breathing until he speaks:

"Are you busy?" 

"Nope..Not at all" I try to ignore all the books spreading on my bed, begging me to pay them attention.

"Are you okay?" I ask hearing his voice soft and.. sad.

"Yeah.. Nothing to worry about"

I bet there's something to worry about, but I know him better than trying to forcing him into telling me.. if he has called, there's a reason.

"Cool, If you ever need to talk you know th.."

"I'm fine Jude, geez!" He says abruntly making me flinch.

"Um... Okay, rude."

"I'm sorry..." He says, voice full of guilt " I know that if I ever want to talk you're the person I need to come to.. but right now,I just want to hear your voice.."

I let my self falling onto the mattress sighing, this guy has an excellent way with words..

"Are you there?" He asks, and I open my eyes.. not realizing that I've closed it, and I smile saying to him that He knows just how to make me into puddle.

He laughs softly and he says:

"I Wish you were here".

"Well...My mother is going out soon, so...if you want you can come by..." I propose, inconsciously curling a strand of my hair, like a girly girl. I know.

There's an heavy silence after that... and finally he says:

"I'll be there."

 

 


	8. You're Mine.

The air around us feels blurry.

I don't even know how we ended up in my room at this fast pace.

He doesn't waste any time, he doesn't even pull away from me or even pause from our intense kissing session to closing the door. He just pushes it closed with his foot.

He takes his shirt off,finally pulling away from me.. and I feel my breath coming out in short and irregular moans.

I can't help but looking at his magnificent body in awe, and feeling my mouth getting dry looking at the hotness of his body.. his ABS are perfect like scuptures.. hard as rock, I feel the need to touch it, and before I know it I'm standing in front of him slowly caressing his chest with my finger..

He closes his eyes as my finger is following some sort of trajectory.. immediately followed by my tongue.

“Jude...” He moans, inconsciously running a hand through my hair as my tongue is licking down.. from the soft skin of his chest and down...down..down finally reaching my goal.

 

\-----

We lay in my bed cuddled under the warmth on the comforter and the air is filled with unspoken words.

I sigh, resting my hand on his chest enjoying the warmth of his skin.

He seems lost in his thoughts, and I feel a bit self conscious right now, because I want him to talk to me.. but at the same time I don't want to force him into talking If doesn't want to.

"My mom tried to set me up with a guy this morning." I say all of a sudden, trying to lighten up the tense air around us.

My intention is clearly to laught it off  and distract him from his dark thoughts, but it only cause major damages because his eyes widen.. and he glares at me seemingly incredibily upset.

"What?" he asks pulling away a bit.. the sudden loss of contact feels awful.

"Um... I came home from school.. and there was this guy that followed me out of the elev.." He doesn't let me finish what I was saying, because he interrupts me abruptly:

"Do you like him?" He blurts out with such a injured tone.. that makes me want to kiss his pout away.. he's so cute.

"Are you kidding me?" He turns around on his back.. completely detached from me staring at the ceiling.. he seems.. hurt.

"Connor...." I try to reach out for him but he slaps my hand away.

"Are you serious right now?" He seems even more mad.. probably because I'm laughing my ass off for the insanity of the situation, His pout deepen.. 

"Oh come on.. you're acting like a jealous boyfriend!" He just snorts rolling his eyes.

"You wish" He retorts biting his lips trying to refrain a smile.

"No...You wish" I say, and he just shakes his head in disbilief turning his body towards me resting his head on his elbow.

"You're forgetting who you are talking to " Connor says...his pout completely gone from his face and replaced by the sexiest smug expression and his voice filled with a very deep husky tone.

I decide that I can play his game as well, so I just mirrow his movements looking at him smugly as well and saying:

"So are you "

He just shakes his head laughing.. and I feel a deep warmth spreading throught my chest just looking at how beautiful he looks when he's not afflicted by his dark thoughts.. and he just lives in the moment.

"So..." He says once he sobers up "This guy..." the serious frown takes place back in his face.

"I don't like him!" I blurt out in frustration.

I get that Connor needs reassurance, and him being jealous of this guy just made my day, because it made me realized that he cares.. about me, and not just at a physical level.. he's jealous, so it means he's afraid that this guy could take me away from him.. I think.

"Okay" he mumbles letting out a breath.. he said it so faintly that he probably didn't want me to hear it.

"Were you jealous?" His eyes widen once again and he lets out a nervous laugh, laying a hand on my hip.. his touch feels like burning fire on my skin.

"No, of course not! Why are you so obsessed with this jealousy thing?! I'm not jealous" his flushed cheeks and his adorable pout screams the contrary to me... but still.

"Mh... sure you aren't "

I see him getting closer to my body and caressing my neck with his finger and It makes me close my eyes relaxing in his amazing touch.

I don't want to say it... but I need to know... and I don't want to upset him even more,but.. I need to " test the water ".

"So you wouldn't be bothered if I go on a date with him? "

Even with my eyes closed I can feel his intake of breaths getting shorter.. and as soon as I open my eyes I see him completely red in the face.. his eyebrows  furrowed, the pout quickly repleaced by a very pissed frown.

"Connor I was jok.." Once again I can't finish my sentence because he shuts me up with a very possessive kiss.. and then one turns into five... and while he's completely inside of me he says very clearly throught moans and pants and burning kisses.

"You're mine.. You're mine...You're mine".

I guess I have my answer.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut the second half of the initial part because it was just "Ugh." LOL (not that i'm completely satisfied with the first half.... ).  
> Thanks for reading.


	9. You've got eyes that can see right through me.

I crack my eyes open hearing a sudden jerking sound in the quietness of my room.

After Connor took me to the most intense orgasm of my life, fueled by his endless moans and curses and him constantly repeating that I'm his, and no one else's. My body is completely tangled with his, our legs are intertwined and my face is resting on his chest, hearing his heart beating.

I reach out for my phone on my nightstand and the sudden movement causes Connor to slowly open his eyes, rubbing it with the most adorable pout on his lips.

"Hello?" I lay down on my bed and this time is Connor who's laying his head on my chest, resting his hand around my waist absently caressing my hip with circular motions on my skin.

I close my eyes at the gentle touch, but at the sound of the voice on the other line of the phone my eyes widen.

"Oh..Hi Nathan." I try to not look at Connor.. but I can sense that at the sound of the guy's name, Connor's eyes cracks open in a instant staring at me so intently that I can feel his gaze burning a hole throught my head.

"Mm.. Well, right now it's not a good time."

He ask if he's interrupting something.. well actually he is.

"Oh really..." I sigh running a hand throught my hair, and Connor just glares, cheek flushed with the usual crimson color that says to me that he's not liking that I'm talking on the phone with another guy. He probably wants to know what the hell is all about.

I flash him an apologetically smile, quickly turned in a gasp when  he suddenly climbs on top of me.

After that... Nathan keeps talking but I'm not understanding a single word he's saying, because as soon as Connor lays his lips on mine, the whole world is not relevant anymore.

"Connor.." I say throught a whisper, and he laughs it off in the crook on my neck peppering my skin with soft feather kisses that just drives me insane.

"Yeah..I'm still here,you where saying?" I ask Nathan, closing my eyes and lifting up my hips from the bed trying to get the more friction I can get, Apparentely Connor wants to punish me, because as soon as I lift my hips in search of the friction to get off with ,he just pulls away smiling deviously biting and licking at my earlobe.

"Please.."

He moans and he move his lips toward mine..but he's just teasing, because he's kissing around the corner of my mouth.. and on my cheeks, my closed eyelids.. and then again...like a circle , But completely avoiding  my lips.

He's driving me insane with all the teasing, I just want to take him and show him how I can be a tease and drive him at the same level of insanity.

Nathan keeps talking, and during the whole conversation I've only catched that there's a party tomorrow.. and he wants to take me as a date, if that's cool with me.

"I'll let you know" I reply in a rush hanging up the phone call, and tossing my phone away.. maybe on the floor.. I don't care.

In one smooth movement I take hold of his wrists and I reverse our previously position.. climbing on top of him.

I keep on holding his wrists, just looking at him.. 

"You were very mean!" 

He just snorts, rolling his eyes.

"I felt neglected by you" He says with a pout on his lips, I smile shaking my head and lowering down.. giving him a kiss,still not letting go his hands, but instead intertwining our fingers.

"What did he want?" He asks with a groan.. clearly pissed by Nathan phonecall.

"Um.. " I start to stutter, trying to avoid his eyes... I don't want to hurt him, even though him being jealous is the highlight of my day.

"There's a party tomorrow.. and He wants to take me as a date"

He immediately untangles our fingers.. and he doesn't say anything, looking at the ceiling above us... he seems once again lost.

I really want to know what's going on throught his head, why he seems so afflicted at times.. his breathing getting shallower, and I want to take this frown off his face and turning it into his amazing brightly smiles.. It kills me seeing him like this.. so sad and miserable.

He needs reassurance.. that I'm not going anywhere.

"Ehy.." 

I gently hold his face between my hands, trying to make him looking at me.

"I'm not going.."

He shakes his head, looking sadly into my eyes.

"You should." 

Two words.. and my whole world feels like shaking.. He must have noticed the way my face completely fell, and I can feel my eyes tearing up... so he surely must have noticed because he kisses me, and still with his lips against mine he says:

"You mom could get suspicious.. and... " He closes his eyes taking a deep breath " My father doesn't know about my... sexual orientation."

I know where this is going, but it doesn't make it any easier to swallow it down.

"I don't want to give up on this" I say, and I don't care if I sound needy or clingy.. but, I lived once without him in my life.. and I suck it up with it, but now.. after having him completely... I can't do this, I can't bear it to pretend like nothing happened..

Things are never going back like they were before.

"Me neither." He admitts caressing my neck and I feel lost in those beautiful lovingly eyes.

"Go to that party.. I will catch up with you there.. We'll find a way....." 

  
I don't like the sound of it.. but if there's the only way to be together..

"Okay" 

"You're mine" He repeats like a sort of reassurance that I'm not dreaming.. that I'm his.. and that he's not going to give up on us.

"...And You're mine" I use his same words, because it's always been the truth.. now more than ever.

 


	10. You don't mess with love, you just mess with the truth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song "On my mind" By Ellie Gouldin.  
> 

Connor's dad calls him after a while.

“Hey dad” He says getting up from the bed and looking out for his pants on my bedroom's floor while holding his phone to his ear.

“Yeah.. I'm just playing Xbox” He says looking briefly at me with a strange expression on his face.

“Yeah I'm at home” He lies.. probably his father is checking up on him, since he's on his business trip or something.

I sit up on my bed while he's looking for the rest of his clothes, he puts his phone between the crook of his neck and shoulder while putting his shoe on.

Even in that position he's sexy as hell.

“Yeah.. Okay, Bye Dad” He says hanging up the phonecall and turning his sad eyes towards me.

“I'm sorry for that.”

“Don't worry Con ” I know it's not his fault.. My moms always accepted me for who I was.. no matter what, so I can't imagine what he's going throught “Hiding” himself from his father.

He sighs resting a knee on the mattress and leaning in towards me, laying a kiss on my lips.

“I should go..” He says against my lips.

“Yeah, Okay..” I agree but still not pulling away from him.

“I'll see you tomorrow at school..” He says giving me another kiss.

“Bye Jude” He says pulling away and heading out of the room.

As soon as he's out of sight, I let my body fall on the mattress letting out a loud sigh..

 

I'm texting with Taylor for the rest of the night.. I'm kinda of feeling bad for not telling her.. but I think is something I should keep to myself.. because I'm the only one who knows what I'm feeling, why I'm going throught this.. I don't want to be judged by anyone..

The phone flashes and I realize that it's 1 AM and I'm still awake..

I look at the screen and my chest suddenly feels warm and alive by a fluttering feeling.

1 text from: Connor.

“Can't wait to see you tomorrow”.

I can't keep the smile off my lips as I'm typing back.

“Me too.” Before falling asleep few minutes later.

 

The morning after things gets a little crazy at my house..everyone is rushing, as usual getting ready for school or for work.. and there aren't enough bathrooms in the whole penthouse for the whole family so I have to wait my turn.

“Mariana.. please hurry!” I beg pounding my fist at the door.

“One more minute Judicorn!” She yells from the other side of the door, and It makes me groan.. for the wait, and the nickname.. I can't believe Callie seriously told her.

I look at Jesus..waiting his turn for getting in the other bathroom and we exchange a brotherly supportive look.  
“Callie?” I ask nodding towards the door, he shakes his head looking so defeated.

“No...Mom”

“Ouch. ”I wouldn't want to be in Jesus's shoes.. Mom really drags it out when she's in the bathroom.. she literally spends half a day in there.. I still can't figure what she does to take such an amount of time.

“ Here you go Judicorn!” Finally Mariana opens the door, and she looks stylish as usual.. with her perfect curly hair and her floral dress.

“You look nice “ She smiles and she gives me a kiss on my cheek.

“Thanks boo” She says walking on her high heels towards her room.

I'm closing the bathroom door behind me but not before giving another supportive look at the poor Jesus still patiently waiting outside the bathroom door for mom to get out.

 

Everything at school feels back to normal, everyone greets me and pat me on my back.. and I couldn't be more happier.

“Hey T.” I say as soon as I catch up with Taylor in front of my locker.

“Hey stranger!” She smiles widely kissing me on my cheek.

“Where have you been? You were totally disappeared yesterday..” She says checking on her twitter feeds.

I open my lockers to grab some books and she keeps talking:

“If I didn't know you any better I would say you got laid” I burst into laughers and she watches at me wide eyes, confused by my histerical outburst.

“Jude?” Her eyes widen and before she jumps to conclusions as usual or she starts screaming or crying for joy I should stop her.

“No.”

“But....” She pout.. like she's trying to get some kind of unknown informations out of me.

“Do you trust me?” She nods, and I lay my arm around her shoulder.

“Then.. You know that we tell each other everything right?” She nods again, and I feel my chest tightening, because.. It's painful, lying to her.. I never did.. and for a split of a second I'm tempted to tell her, and asking for her advice.. but the thought it's immediately shutted down when the minions

appear in front of us.

“Morning” Maddie and Daria greet us, Daria with a slight apatic tone. Probably still mad for “The talk” his mother probably gave her.

“Hey Daria, any useful information you want to share with us?”

“Fuck you” She snaps very bitterly.

“Wow, someone needs to get laid” Taylor says amused, I just roll my eyes.. She's not even worthy of my curses.

“I just hope she uses protection this time” I retort to Taylor, laughing along with her.

 

While walking down the hallway the inimaginable happens.

I come across from Connor.. talking to this guy, the blond guy... the mama's little boy guy,the Nathan guy.

They seems to get along pretty well... and I'm asking myself why the hell I never seen this boy before in my school.

“Jude!” He greets me with a very cheery pitch in his voice, he comes closer to me leaving Connor slight behind with his mouth still opened, probably for what he was going to say to Nathan left obviously unattended.

Connor's face turns from neutral and friendly... to confused, and then he looks at us like in disbilief with a pissed frown on his lips.

“Hi!” Nathan says hugging me, and Connor's face turns red. He catches up with us and he stands near Nathan, still ignored.. because clearly Nathan is all focused on greeting me and stuff.

“H-hey...” I greet him back awkwardly, feeling freezed in this embrace, as soon as he pulls away from me he realized that he left Connor unattended and he slap a hand on his forehead laughing.

“I'm so rude! I'm sorry dude! I was greeting a friend”

Friend? When did we become friend? He's he high?

“A friend.. uh?” Connor says biting his lips.. I'm sure for keeping himself steady.

“W-what are you doing here? “ He looks at me like I've just asked the most stupid question in the whole world.. and I'm feeling like I have.

“Um...I'm a student here...” He says letting out an nervous laugh, but I'm more embarassed than he is, because I never saw him before.

The awkward show continues..

“You moved here recently?”  
“Umh...actually I've always lived here in San Diego, and I've always attended this school... you just never spoke to me before.”

Ah.. harsh truth.. Connor wants to laugh, his face relaxed.. maybe because I'm screwing this conversation, big time.

“So..” Nathan says suddenly “What time tonight?”

Connor stops smiling, his face falling and his mouth is slightly opening, he gives me this look.. like the realization that the famous “Nathan” is actually his friend just came across his mind.

“Tonight? Are you going out on a date?”

Connor asks, clenching his fists.

“Yeah” Nathan replies smiling while looking at me..

“Wait.. you two know each other?”

Trick question... and I'm curious to know what Connor is about to answer to that.

He stays in silence, looking at me.. and I'm looking back at him intently, Nathan is waiting for an answer and clearly he's getting suspicious by such an amount of time into giving him an answer.

 

“Me and him?No....we're just acquaintances”. He says it with such a disdain... that breaks me completely... he lowers down his eyes.. not being able to look at me, because he knows that if he looks at me right now would be seeing tears streaming down my cheeks..  
Because I know that our relationship is on the very down low.. and that I should have expected it.. But never like now I felt like a slut, I would have preferred to hear: “We're just friend” Because.. there's nothing wrong right? It would have hurt because it's definitely not our case,but still.

Hearing those words feels like a knife in my chest, after all we've been throught.. he can't say that “We're just acquaintances”.. not after what we had share,even if in the back of a limo.

He took my verginity, and I'm not regretting it.. losing it with him, it hurts that he belittled what we have shared, the meaning of it.

I turn around, I just can't stand in front of him anymore... I just want to throw up.

He doesn't say anything, of course he doesn't.. because there's Nathan, but even if he tries to speak to me when he catches me alone, I wont allow him.

I'm gonna go to that party tonight and forget all about Connor Stevens.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today! :) go check it out chapter number 9 if you haven't :)  
> I hope you liked it.. lemme know :)


	11. Love's a game, wanna play.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title from the chapter by the song "Blank space" By Taylor Swift.

It makes me laugh. That even though he screwed up, big time.. he has the nerve to stare at me.

I try to avoid his gaze as much as possible while I'm sitting at my usual lunch table surrounded by my minions.. every one keep glaring at me.. Like they're waiting for me to explode in any moment.

""J.. why aren't you eating?" Taylor has the guts to ask.. she's worried, it's understandable since I'm pissed , and when I'm pissed.. I don't see anyone, talk to anyone, offend anyone.

She knows me well.

"Not hungry" I simply retort to her, nervously biting on my juice straw, trying to avoid the incessants stares from the other side of the yard.

At some point he's standing up from his seat.. and as he walks toward our table our eyes connect. I'm suggesting with my eyes to not come over here, to come back to his fucking table. But he's stubborn.. he notices my hateful gaze, but he just keep walking, ignoring it.

"Hey Ladies" He greets, and I roll my eyes at Daria immediately flashing him a flirtatious laugh.

"Hey Connor" She smiles curling a straw of her hair with her finger.. she makes me want to do the same thing... take some straws of her curly hair and pull, and pull, and pull some more..

"What brings you here today?" Taylor cut him shortly with dismissive tone, checking on her phone.. not deeming him worthy of even a glance.

I love her, I try to refrain my laugh..

Daria keeps blabbering, laying an hand on his foreharm.. he just pretend to listen, staring at me once in a while.

"Any plans for tonight?" Taylor asks finally lifting up her eyes from her phone.

"Yes actually.. I Have a date" She widens her eyes, and lets out a scream like she just hit the jackpot.

"What?! And you didn't say anything? You slut!!" She says hugging me, I return the hug and I can't resist but glancing at him. He's staring at us.. mouth opened.

"With who?!" Maddie asks excited too.

"This guy from school...his name is Nathan" The silence falls in a beat, the four of them stare at me completely shocked in their faces. I realize that I've just come out, apparentely.. I momentarily forgot that only my family know about my sexuality.. None of them say a world.. even Connor that knew, stares at me in complete disbelief.. maybe he didn't see that coming.

"That's amazing J." Taylor says softly laying her arm around my shoulder and hugging me tightly.

"I'm so proud of you" She says in my ear, referring to the fact that I am not ashamed to be open about my sexual orientation.

"Yeah J. That's awesome! I guess now we have some serious  competition for the guys in this school" Maddie laughs giving me an high five, I smile to her returning the gesture .. I'm relieved actually that they all took it well. Just Daria is still shocked, and she looks at me with wide eyes... like she just had some sort of realization. She has this mischievous smile on her lips that just...creeps me out, more than any other days.

I quickly turn my eyes towards Connor, and he keep staring mind absently into space. At some point he snaps back into reality shaking his head like to clear it from some thoughts.

"I Should probably get back..." And then adressing to all of us he says with a strained smile :"Ladies" before turning around and walking back to his table.

\----

 

The whole afternoon flies between phonecalls and tweets.. everyone knows about my big knews. Apparentely "someone" has been spreading the word. I have no doubt about who did that.

It's 8 Pm and I'm standing in front of the gate of Nathan's house . This place is... huge.. it's the classic mommy's little boy's house seen in movies. It's Old school, the principal path that leads to the mansion is surrounded by threes and fountains.. tiny candles are placed at each sides of the path leading the way.

The candles freaks me out to be honest.. it makes me feel like I'm going to some ritual of initiation ending up with me being sacrificed by the end of the night, rather than some guy's party.

The gate suddenly opens.. and I'm more freaked out than before.. because there's no one in sights.. and it seems like the opening scene of an horror movie when the gates or the doors open with no apparentely reason. I'll end up murdered.. I can feel it..

The candles leads my way on the immense path.. and dor each step I'm taking, I feel my heart pouding harder into my chest.

There's not even a noise.. a whisper.. or something, all I can hear is the noise on my steps on the stone chippings, and the incessant pouding of my heart, not to mention the sound of my breath getting shorter and shallower..

I'm starting to think that I might be in the wrong place.. maybe this is not Nathan's house.. but my mother gave me this address, it couldn't be wrong..Oh I'm gonna kill her..

This is the last straw.. I'm gonna turn my ass and walk home.

"Gotcha!" Someone decided to scare the crap out of me jumping out from behind a three , and I let out a very not so manly scream.

"Oh my fucking God!" I turn around panting like crazy, ready to beat the crap out of whoever that was , and there's Nathan... slightly bent down laughing hard.

"Are you kidding me?!" my heart is beating so fast.. and for once not for Connor's related reasons.

He immediately sober up.. and he comes closer to me, concerned all of a sudden.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry! I thought It was a cute way to break the ice... I'm sorry" He says apogetically laying an hand on my shoulder.

I would break the ice.... in his face.

I try to calm down a bit, especially since I'm feeling like I might be faint in any moment. Right in that moment.. maybe for some strange joke of the fate, Connor walks past us.. making a strange face, focusing his gaze on Nathan's hand on my shoulder, and more important.. our proximity.

He stops in his track, coming closer to where we are standing, because of course he is.

"Hey man" He says nonchalantly to Nathan, with a smile on his face that for everyone could resemble a friendly and harmless one.. according to me, knowing Connor Stevens better than myself, is a : "I want take that hand and I want to break your knuckles so you can't do it again." kind of smile.

"Hi" He says addressing to me.

"Stevens" I greet him back dismissively with a nod of my head, he looks.. hurt by this not so warm greeting.. but I mean, what did he expect? Hug and kisses and friends like before? No thanks.

For a moment our eyes lock into each other, and the air feels suddenly heavy and hot.. I feel warmth spreading throught my stomach but I try to refrain the fluttering feelings. I need to be stronger than my feelings. And him, looking so pleadingly.. is not helping the case. 

"Come on guys.. this way" Luckily Nathan's voice snaps me back into reality, Leading the two of us to the party.

 

Apparentely Nathan took advantage of the cool warm weather because the party is set near the pool area.

What a freaking huge pool, there's even a bar in it.. with stools included. Wow.

Nathan is called by his friends, and he excuses himself from me and Connor.

“I'll be right back”

Although I'm not here for his company, because he's definitely not my type.. I would have preferred to have him here, because now that I'm alone with Connor he might....

“So....” He starts grabbing a flute of champagne from a passing waitress.

“Nope.” I cut him off at the instant, grabbing one as well and heading away from him, never looking back.

 

It's a nice night, I have to say.. and while I'm talking to Nathan, I realize that he's not that bad.

As friend, I mean.. obviously.

He's a dork, and I still think he's a mummy's boy. But he's a “Nice company”.. at least he's being a good shield.. yeah because when I'm with him, Connor keep the distance, but it doesn't stop him from looking at us, still holding his unattended flute of champagne keeping on glaring, and snorting, and his face is getting redder..  I keep talking with Nathan, and occasionally brushing my hand on his foreharm while giggling at one of his lame jokes..

I ask Nathan where the bathroom is , and he offers to lead me the way.  
“No, It's fine.. You should stay here and keep an eye on the party”.

“you sure?” He asks concerned , I just nod with a smile.

 

The glass doors slides open and as soon as I step into the living room I'm once again feeling the same anxiety I was feeling in the garden.. the silence creeps me out.

I look around, looking for the bathroom door Nathan said, is on the left once entering the living room.

I find it immediately and I walk past the black leather couch, noticing the huge fireplace and staring at it.. it must be nice, sitting across from the burning fire reading a book, or.. cuddling with someone. Ok I should stop, I shake my head like to clear it from the image of me.. and Connor cuddling across the fireplace.

I sigh but it suddenly turns into a gasp when I feel a pair of hands firmly on my hips holding me from behind.

“Shh..” The voice said.. and I should have known, I should have known that he would have followed me in here.. he wouldn't waste an opportunity like this.

“W-what do you want?” I swallow some saliva, feeling my mouth getting dry. He just moans, resting his lips on the skin behind my ear making me shiver.. my first instinct is to leaning into his touch and I feel my eyelids getting heavier, but I keep it open and steady. With the resolution to be stronger than him.

“Jude..” He whispers my name into my ear, so softly and hotly that makes me crave his touch.

My eyes close against my own will and he keeps leaving soft kisses along the side of my neck.

I'm letting him win, as usual.. I can't, but.. his touch is like kryptonite.. I can't help but, leaning in..

He grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers together.

He darts out his tongue and as soon as it makes contact with my skin I unconsciously let out a loud moan.

“Yeah.. You like that don't you..” I can feel Connor's deviously smile against my skin..

“You're mine” That... makes me feel like I just fell from above the clouds and then hit the ground.. hard.

That sentence, snaps me back into reality.

“Stop!” I blurt out breathing heavily, with wide eyes.

“I can't.”

“Jude..” He says.

“I hate you” he flinches as soon as those words come out of my lips, I can feel his body freezing from behind me.

“Have sex with me” He says with voice full of pleading.

“I hate you” I repeat, like a mantra.. more to convince myself rather than him.

“Then why are you still holding my hand?” I glance at our linked hands and I immediately untangle our fingers ,turning around.

“Don't you dare following me into the bathroom.”

“You wish” He says with a smirk as I slam the bathroom's door behind me.

 


	12. The knight in shining armor

"Thanks for.. You know, inviting me."

"You're welcome...I had a good time" 

"Me too." 

I'm honest.. I had a good time, except for maybe Connor ambushing me like that in the living room... I'm trying not to think about it.. because the thought gives me chills.

"Jude..." He says with a soft voice.. and I lift up my gaze, realizing that his face is slowly coming closer to mine, he closes his eyes and he kisses me ,before I have the chance to pull away.

The touch is so light and delicate that it doesn't even feel like a proper kiss.. it feels like just a brush of his lips against mine.

I gently pull away, and he must have notice the strained expression on my face, because he lets out a sad laugh.. shaking his head.

"Nathan..."

"I Like you" He blurts out, but.. I feel horrible to say it.. but I don't feel nothing, nothing compared to what Connor makes me feel.

"I'm sorry..." He lowers down his gaze, fiddling with the stone chippings.. He's defeated, and for the first time I feel sympathy for this guy.

"I'm sorry Nathan.. I don't want to lead you on" I try to reach out for him, but he just shrugs off my touch.

He finally lifts up his gaze, looking deeply into my eyes.

" You have it bad for Connor Stevens."

His statement hits me hard , and I feel like someone just gave me a punch in my chest.. he must have noticed my huge dilated eyes because he laughs it off  by saying:

"What?! Do you seriously think that I'm that blind?"

"Nathan let me..."

"You used me!" the pitch of his voice is getting higher, okay... people are staring.. Okay.

"Nathan.. don't do this..." I try to lay my hand on his arm,like to calm him down but he slaps my hand away.

 

"Don't touch me!" Okay, now he's yelling.. I glance around and the guests have stopped dancing and talking..  they are staring at us,sipping their drinks... Connor is staring too,wide eyes and pale in the face.

I need to go before this gets out of hands, I turn around walking throught the crowd of people determined to get the hell out of here.. but before I have the chance to walk past the pool area Nathan grabs me by wrist, holding me there.

"Where are you going?!" 

"Nathan, let me go.. now!"

"What? Reality check hurt you?" He needs to let me go.. now.

"You're hurting me! Leave me alone you asshole!" Okay, now he's seriously pissing me off.

" Dude!" Nathan turns around hearing the unmistakable voice of Connor Stevens calling him ,he seems even more pissed as Connor steps closer to us.

"Awww... look!" He says addressing to me "Here he comes... your knight in shining armor " He lets out a sarcastical laughs, letting go his grip on my wrist.

"What the hell is going on?" Connor asks concerned, glancing with a worried face towards my direction.. as to check if I'm okay.

"Oh, Nothing man.. I was just having a little chat with J. here... and I pointed out the obvious" He says bitterly taking a step closer to Connor.

"And what would it be?" Connor asks, stepping closer towards him.. voice filled with warning.

This is going to end bad... I should go, but... the thought of leaving Connor alone here with this psyco is freaking me out.. even though I'm still very mad with him.

"You two.. hooking up!" He yells at him and after that the silence falls. No one dare to say a word... everyone is staring at the three of us.. And I see very different reactions.. Someone is surprised and they are staring at us with mouth wide open.. Some girls are whispering ang gossiping between each other... But every one is looking at us like are assisting at some kind of freak show.

I give a look at the both of them, and Nathan is red for the anger.. he has this pulsing vein on his forehead.. that just creeps me out, it seems like his brain it's about to explode in any minute. Connor... Connor is completely neutral, it doesn't seems affected, at some point he gives a laughs, shaking his head in amusement.. like Nathan just said the most hilarious joke in the whole world.

"You're drunk" Connor states, voice full of confidence.. he's unbelievable.

 "What?" Nathan asks in disbilief, and to be honest... I'm shocked too.

"Come on man... let me take you inside, you need to sober up" Connor says, his voice filled with sympathy and amusement.

I can't believe him... I can't believe what he just did.

I keep standing right here, my muscles are refusing to move.. I'm still shaking and I watch as Connor is holding Nathan by his arm and he's leading him inside his house, turning around and tossing one last glance at me from over his shoulder.

 

I can't believe what just happened... I will never forget the shocked face on these people, and how Connor turned the situation with Nathan.. 

I can't wait to come home, this car ride is so long.... I feel my pocket buzzing, and I pull out my phone giving a sigh when I realise who's calling me.. the flashing name on the screen makes my heart clench.

I'm tempted to not answering, but I guess I need to thank him, he saved his ass, but I appreciated that he stepped into my rescue.

"Stevens" My usual greeting makes him snort.

"Cut the crap with Stevens... We are way beyond that." I let out a laugh full of sarcasm.

"Oh yeah? I didn't realize that Acquaintances call each other with their first names.. "

"Jude" He says with a frustrated voice giving a sigh, but what can I say? I like torturing him.

"Are you okay?" He seems caring... and really concerned, and hearing the voice of the "Connor" I fell in love with.. feels good.

"I'm fine...." and then I ask "Are you okay?"

"Yeah.." he says, his voice feels so feeble and weak..

"Connor..." I try to take a deep breath even though it's hard, my chest hurts... and I feel my lungs clenching " Thank you."

"I didn't do anything..." 

"Yes, you did..."

There's a long pause after that, and I wonder what he's feeling.. what he's thinking.. he took the risk to be outed Tonight, and I wonder what kind of thoughs are crossing his mind right now, finally... after some time, he says "Goodnight Jude."

"Goodnight Connor."

 


	13. Sweet like chocolate.

Every single memory from last night feels blurry.. even though I didn't drink, and a flùte of champagne definitely doesn't count. I still have to process what happened.

I lay in my bed completely still, staring at the ceiling with eyes blown wide ..

My brain keep playing last night's evens like in a footage.. Connor kissing my neck in the living room, Then him coming to my rescue.. and then, him saying those things.. it's like my mind can't help but think about these things, trying to find a logical reason for Connor's behaviour.

A knock on my door interrupts my deep thoughts.

“Come on in”

The door opens and Taylor steps in.. obviously handing me a cup of coffee.

“Your favourite” She says smiling, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

“Thanks"

“So.. how was your night?” She asks with a strange smile.. like, awkward.

“It was Good.. what about yours?” She just shruggs. 

“It was okay” She says dismissively.

“So..” She says suddenly, voice filled with curiosity “Something interesting happened last night?”  
I lower down my gaze, and she must have noticed because she grabs my hand.

“Jude...”

“What do you want to know Taylor?!”

She flinches at my harsh tone.. but I can't help it.. she seems like she knows plenty of what happened last night during that party.. so I can't understand why she wants me to talk about it.

“Are you in a relationship with Connor?” She asks me directly, looking at me with concern in her eyes.

I feel myself shaking, because for one side.. I want to finally get this off my chest, from the other side.. I don't know what to say either.. without being considered a slut.

What can I say? various options come throught my mind.

A: Yes, you know T. He was my best friend.. we kissed at some Birthday Party (He kissed me to be honest.. but I vigorously kissed him back), then the day after that he completely shut me out from his world, never talked to me again and never looked at me in my face again.

B: Yes.. Tay, we reconnected.. we hooked up in his limo, I lost my verginity to him... we kept hooking up, and we had a fight because he treated me like I'm his fucking sexual pet, and not a person.

C: Yes Tay... We are in a relationship and he's completely sexual if you ask him,... from my side? What Can I say.. I'm completely, hopelessly.. in love with him.

I don't know which one is more pathetic.

I just decided to pick on option : “D”.; Keep my mouth shut.

She doesn't say anything either.. I know she would never push me.. but still, I feel like crap right now.

“Ehy, what do you think about going to lunch? Just you and me.” I propose her, trying to light up the mood.. apparentely that's all she needs, because she nods enthusiastically.

 

I take my best friend to her favourite restaurant in San Diego.. And she has a blast devouring all the kind of appetizers.

We spend the most part of the time talking, reminiscing about the past, and laughing about our adventures as little kids.

It's nice.. I missed her to be honest.. I was so caught into my “Relationship” with Connor that I kind of neglected our friendship.

As we're eating dessert, I'm suddenly freezed handing my spoon in my hand, and my mouth wide open.

“Jude what's wrong?” Taylor asks worried, leaving her chocolate mousse unattended.

I just nod with my hear, pointing at the two Stevens coming in.

“Ughh” She snorts, her attention back on her mousse “It's like we're cursed by the Stevens” She sigh.

“ tell me about it. ” My brain says.

Obviously with like fifty free tables they have to sit right next to us.

“Oh, Hi Jude” Adam greets me flatly with  cold and detached voice, as usual. Connor just ignores me.

“Hello”

Taylor gives a nod of acknowledgment with her head, she only deems her mousse of her attention. And I should probably do the same. But It's really hard with Connor's burning gaze all over me.

“You soufflè is waiting for you, Jude” She teases smiling softly and she's right, so I hold up my spoon full of chocolate and I fill my mouth, liking at my lips afterwards.

“Mmmmmm”

“What it good?” She asks happily and I nod to her:

“Sooo good!”

“You made a mess!” Taylor laughs wiping some spots of chocolate off my cheeks with a napkin.  
“I should probably go to the bathroom” She nods,still laughing as I'm getting up from my chair.

I try to ignore Connor's intense gaze, but I can't help it.. before heading out of the room I throw one look at him. And as I was thinking, his gaze is like fire.

As I'm washing my hands I gasp, seeing throught the mirrow Connor approaching me from behind.

I Instinctively turn around, preventing him to ambush me again, and in the rush I even forget to dry my hands.. 

"Hi" Connor says with a million dollar smile on his face. 

Oh now I'm worthy of his greeting.

"Hi " He seems hurt by the lack of warmth in my voice. He comes closer to me, resting his hands on both sides of the sink, basically trapping me in.

"Can I help you?" 

"Why you are playing so hard to get.." He says biting his lips. He seems amused, I can't believe it.. 

"Get out of my way"

"I think someone needs some cuddles"

"I think someone needs to fuck off" 

"I love it when you're so bossy"

I let out a laugh, he's unbeliavable. he takes a step closer, laying a kiss on the corner of my mouth, and I feel my heart beating faster.

He moves his lips towards my neck, and I let him.. because no matter what I say, when his lips makes contact with my skin my brain stop functioning. It's a fact.

"I think you missed some spots" He says, maybe referring to the mess with the chocolate.  
"Yeah?" I moan feeling my eyelids getting heavier. He hummed tracing some spot on my collarbone.. and then slowly going down. 

"Where?" I manage to ask throught my moans, He just smirks kneeling down and fiddling with my belt, taking it off.

He does an excellent job, taking care of the stains anyway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys for the short update.. I just want to let you know that due some personal stuff, I will go "On hiatus" about writing, for a couple of days.. A week in the worst case.  
> I will be back, and I hope you will still be here with me.  
> thanks for reading.


	14. Let him Go.

 

"It was fun" Connor says with a mischievious smirk on his lips, standing behind me and looking at my reflection in the mirrow fixing my hair.

"I should go" he says still staring at me throught the mirrow's reflection.

"Bye"

He snorts at my dismissive detached tone, and I can notice throught the mirrow his mouth is tugging down into a frown.

He stands completely still in his spot, and I finally turn around. He blinks, probably confused about the reason of my completely blank face and empty eyes.

"I thought you were going to go back to your table." He nods, and I lay with my back against the sink, both arms crossed to my chest.

"And, why are you still here?" He just shruggs, taking a step closer to me, trapping me again between his body and the sink.

"I just wanted to know if we're okay" a sarcastical laugh escapes from my lips, and he frowns again at my not so kind attitude.

"We're okay" I retort coldly pulling away from his grip and stepping away from him.

As I'm walking towards the door I feel my anger rising up from the pit of my stomach.

I don't have to turn around to know that he's still standing freezed right there, and I can totally picture his face filled with confusion.

I just snort, because him not understanding the reason of my attutide, it just makes it worse.

I open the door of the bathroom and I stand there for a moment, hearing his voice soft and insicure saying:

"I'll call you"

"Sure." I reply with a thumb up, stepping out of the bathroom, and I think that at this point he understood, that was purely sarcastical.

 

As soon as I come back to the almost empty restaurant hall, I glance at Taylor sitting at our table, probably texting Daria or Maddie..

Coming back to our table means walking past Adam's table and I instinctively lower down my gaze.. because I can clearly feel his eyes all over me, and not in a friendly way.

"Jude" He says, and I can't do anything besides lifting up my eyes, standing in my spot, looking at him expectantly.

" I hope Connor didn't fall into the toilet " I would laugh.. but his murder gaze and serious expression with absolute lack of humor in it ,makes me swallow nervously.

"Did you see him by chance?" I open my mouth, looking at those narrowed nasty eyes blazing into mine and I'm hardly trying to not pass out, right here.

Luckily, Just before I'm about to answer him, Connor makes his appearance at the table.

" Sorry Dad " He says quickly, sitting down and avoiding both of our eyes.

At this point I want to avoid every kind of awkward conversation with the boy that showed me a good time in the bathroom, and his father that probably just figured that out.

So I quickly grab Taylor by her arm, dragging her away from here..

We walk past their table, heading towards the exit and I hear his father saying with a menacingly and insinuative tone, glaring at him with those narrowed eyes:

"Took you long enough" Connor just doesn't answer, he tries to hide his face reading the menu.

 

"What the hell?!" Taylor groans stepping out the restaurant, trying to shrugg off my grip

"Jude you haven't paid!"

"My mother will take care of the bill, we just need to get out of there"

 

Taylor goes home, but she doesn't give up in her attemps into making me talk, saying things like:

"Jude! Please talk to me!" or "I'm your best friend! There's no secrets between us!"

I just can't let one single word coming out of my lips.. I just want to go home.

Before coming inside of her house, Taylor stares at me,for few seconds.. like she's trying to read right throught me..In the end, She gives a sigh, wrapping me in a hug.

"I Love you, you know that right?" I nod into her shoulder, hugging her back.

"Whenever you feel like talking, I'll be right here" I close my eyes shut, feeling overwelmed by guilt and emptiness.

She pulls away, giving me a sad smile.. but she keeps holding my hand.

"If he's not the right one for you, Jude... let him go, He's not worthy if he makes you feel like this" and then she adds:

"You're J. Damnit!”

She laughs punching me lightly on my shoulder.. she's clearly trying to makes me feel better.. she's the best at doing that.

"You don't let such an asshole to make you feel this way, not without make his life a living hell first".

I guess she has a point and I laugh hugging her again.

 

I can't absolutely concentrate, for my complete lack of willpower into doing homework and because I can't focus if my phone keeps buzzing all the time.

He keeps texting, and calling... but the phone rings unanswered.

It's not that I didn't appreciate our encounter in the bathroom... I mean, I'm a teenager gay guy with needs.. but it was the feeling afterwards.. like:

_"Ok We're done, now we can go back at avoiding each other"_

It made me feel empty, and disgusting.. there's a better word to describe it, but I'm trying to be a classy guy right now.

I know that it was clear from the very beginning the nature of this relationship.

Like going out hands in hands, or going to the movies.. or going to a nice restaurant eating spaghetti and talking about how our day went.

I wanted that, I _want_ that. But I know that It's not going to happen.. not with him.

Don't judge, deep down I'm romantic.

It feels like trying drugs for the first time .. it's a complete bliss in the beginning.. but then, it turns into an addiction and you never want to stop.. you can't stop. And then... when you know that you've reached the bottom of it, and you need to stop and take back control of your life, stopping it's like feeling the air leaving your lungs.

It's what I'm feeling right now, anxiety mixed with anger and emptiness.. and in total contradiction with the burning love I feel for Connor.. love that's consuming me, totally unhealthy... But that I have to learn living without of.

 

I give a deep sigh, throwing a quick look at the book on my bed and then holding my phone reading his last text:

"Jude, I know you are upset.. and I just want to talk to you, knowing what's going on... please call me"

I feel my eyes filling with tears, and I angrily close my book throwing it on the floor.

I thought I could do this, having this kind of relationship with him.. but I realized that even thought I love him wholeheartedly, and I just want to keep him close, I can't do that anymore. I can't have this kind of secret affair.. It's just hurting too much.

I'm feeling overwelmed, and even if I tell him what's going on throught my head, it has no point after all, because he just can't fulfill my needs.

I need someone who's proud and open about who he is.. and even thought my heart hurts just at the thought of it.. I have to let him go.

I wipe the tears with the sleeve of my shirt, and I take a deep breath.. trying to gather the courage to do this.

My fingers are typing quickly on the phone's screen, And with every word written on it, my heart begs me to erase it. But this time, I will have to listen to what my brain is suggesting, Even though it means that my heart will be crushed for God knows how long.

I stare at the unsent text, and I hear the last pray of my heart begging me to just erase it.

My trembling finger esitates at the last second, on the “Push” button.

 

To Connor: 17.05

"I'm sorry, I think it's for the best if we don't see each other anymore.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! :) Did you missed me? (Of course you did LOL).  
> I'm sorry for the angst.. It just had to arrive at some point LOL.  
> Every comment is highly appreciated, and every form of (polite) constructive criticisms is also appreciated :)


	15. Diving into darkness.

 

I can't sleep.. I keep laying in my bed, staring absent mindedly at the ceiling above me, twisting and turning in my sheets... thinking about it, over and over again.

I glance at my phone on the nightstand.. and I let ou a loud sigh, because _I'm so pathetic._

I made the decision of ending things but still I'm the one waiting for his reply.

It's past midnight, It's been hours since I've sent that text , and he still doesn't deem me of a reply.

"Maybe he's too much wrapped in his pain and he hasn't the strenght to reply to my test" My mind says, but then  a sad laugh, escapes from my lips just thinking about the absurdity of my previous statement.. I mean, who Am I kidding? He's clearly screwing his next victim..with the purpose of getting over me.

Too much absorbed by my own thoughts, I suddenly feel my eyelids getting heavier.. and I give a last glance at the alarm clock, pointing out that it's 5,30 Am, before finally drifting off to sleep.

 

The jerking sound of the alarm clock, almost give me an heart attack.

"Fuck it!!" I growl out loud, blindly reaching out with my hand at the device, and smashing it on the floor.

"What the hell is happening?!" My mother cracks my bedroom's door open and she storms throught it in my room, clearly irritated, and I almost laugh out loud giving a look at her outfit. She's wearing her pink nightgown matching with her pink flip flops and she looks like an housewife, with her hair wrapped up like that in a messy bun.

"Are you insane?!" She growls with eyes wide open and anger written all over her features, pointing with her hand at the smashed alarm clock on the floor.

"I'm sorry..." She sighs, rolling her eyes and she glares at me intently as I'm getting up from the bed.

"Hurry up, or you'll be late for school!" I suddenly stop in my track, reaching out to her with an angelical smile on my face.

"Um... You know what.... I'm not feeling very well " I whine, resting my head against her chest, just like when I was a baby and I wanted to achieve my goals. It always worked.

"Ohh No, No, No” She says shaking her head “My child.. You're going to school.” I lift up my head looking into her eyes with my "Bambi" eyes and a pout on my lips.

She doesn't cave in, her face is as apatic and resolute as always,so I let out a deep growl, and I give up. I guess I'm going to school.

 

I sit down at the kitchen table with my family gathered for breakfast, and throughout the meal everyone keep saying that I'm acting like a little bitch this morning.

I'm nervous, and irritable.. and I'm definitely not in the mood for any kind of fluffy shit this morning.

I can't wait to go to school at this point, because either Callie or Mariana keeps teasing me saying things like:

"He's so grumbly this morning " Or "Come on sweetie.. let me give you a hug!" 

I don't need an hug, I don't need anyone to touch me.

I give a multitude of sighs throughout the whole meal, and when I'm finally able to ignore them...Brandon, that kept quiet during the whole teasing thing, says:

"Maybe he didn't get laid last night"

I almost choke on my own coffee, and I start coughing, completely red in the face while Callie pats me on my back, laughing too. That traitor.

"Don't be silly Brandon!" Lena says with an outrageous pitch in her voice "He's sixteen!"  And that makes me blush even more... if Lena knew...

That was the last straw, I ignore their laughers and I get up from the table.

"You didn't finish your breakfast Jude " Mom calls me out, giving a glance at the untouched croissant on my plate.

"Not hungry" I reply in a rush, holding my messanger bag.. "I'm gonna meet with Taylor at school, bye!" 

And I storm off of that house of nuts.

 

Taylor and the others girls meet me outside the school's gate.

"Morning bitches" They all smile in response, except from Daria. I'm not surprised at this point.

"What's up D." I ask with a smirk, while we're walking towards the school's entry "You look sad..."

"None of your business" She fires back with a mean laugh, rolling her eyes.

“Ouch. Someone didn't get lucky last night” They all laugh, expect, once again, for Her.

She steps ahead of me, and I almost lose my shit because, no one walks ahead of me.

“Daria” She turns around with a fake angelical smile.

“What J.?” She stops in her tracks, and I mirrow her movement. Taylor and Maddie stands behind me, looking at her with shocked expressions on their faces, just as I am.

“Darling...” I shake my head in amusement, taking a step forward towards her, who keeps looking at me fiercely and fearlessly.

“You're destined to be in the back, You're whole life you'll be in the background.. so, next time.. you'll better think twice before doing what you just did.”

She starts laughing, and I can't help but looking at her like she's some sort of freak . She's serious right now? She completely lost her mind?

“I'm not afraid of you Jude” She announces after sobering up , she keeps looking fiercely in my eyes. And I suddenly realise that something is off.

“You're dismissed” I say, addressing to Taylor and Maddie from over my shoulder.

“But Jude..” I don't need to turn around to picture Taylor's worried frown. I can totally imagine it from the pitch of her voice.

“Taylor” My tone clearly suggests that I'm not accepting any objections “ Go”

She grabs Maddie by her hand, walking past us.. and she gives one last concerned look at us, before heading inside of school.

“What?” Daria says letting out a mean laugh and taking a step closer to me “You don't want them to know your dirty little secret J.?”

“I want to know my own dirty little secret D. “ I'm not afraid of her, regardless of what she's going to say.

“But you seems eager to tell me.. so, enlight me then.”

“I don't have nothing to say... Except.... ” She stops in her talking, waving at Connor with a sweet innocent smile as he walks past us..Obviously avoiding to make any eye contact with me.

“..I just want to know” She continues, and I feel anger rising up from the pit of my stomach.. I just want to get over with this, I'm getting impatient.

“What it feels like, to get into his pants.. Despite knowing that you'll never stand a chance with him” 

As soon as the words comes out of her  mouth, I feel like the ground is starting to shake under my feet.

"What did you just say?" I asks as nicely as possible, she just laughs in response.. Shaking her head. She suddenly lean towards me and she whispers in my ear.

"Ohh, don't be a jerk Jude.." She says with a mean smile on her face " What does it feel like, to lose your verginity with someone that will probably steal other verginities right after yours?"

She's pushing it, and I feel the desire to push her too... down the stairs. But right now, I feel freezed.. the words I want to say feel stucked in my mouth, my muscles don't collaborate into moving anymore.. I feel like stucked in some kind of limbo.

I can't move, I can't speak.. I can only feel anxiety rushing throught all over my sistem, and I don't know how to react to this, to be completely honest.

"You're a slut" She says with a disgusted frown on her face, and my body starts shaking for the anger, exaustation and humiliation. How dare this slut, call me a slut?

I keep myself calm and collected, and I'm trying to seem unaffected by what she just said.

"Oh, don't even try to deny it! I have my sources.”

I want to say: "Tell me who are your sources" or " How dare you saying things like these,that don't even concern your interest?" I especially want to say that despite how everything went, there were feelings involved.. and not just some body parts involved, like in her case.

But once again, the knot in my throat prevent me from saying those things out loud.

"What? Have you finally learned how to keep that mouth shut?" She says.

“You're just a phase for him.” She continues.. pushing me towards my breaking point.  
“You will never give him anything beside a quick fuck” 

The rush of fury reach my brain cells.. I feel my sight going red and my fists clenching.. I'm sure that I'm going to slap her eventually.. 

“ _Try to keep calm... you're better that this.”_ My brain screams at me, and I'm trying to keep my breath even.. and not doing anything I would regret later.

She's taking advantage of me being a gentleman.. and she's having a lot of fun, doing that.

A small crowd of people is gathering around us, and although I want to smash her face right now.. I know that If I do that, our secret will be exposed. Daria clearly figured my weakness out, and she's using it against me. Because from what I'm seeing, I'm her target.. she would never hurt Connor intentionally. And she knows that I will never, doing anything to hurt him either.

If Connor wasn't involved I would gladly show her what means messing with me. But I can't. I wont hurt him like this.

So, I just do what my mother always taught me to do but that I always ignored in favour of being a bitch.

So this time I will be a better person, althought I want to seriously break her face right now.

 _"Be a better person"_   My brain remids me.

I just give her a pitiful smile before turning my back towards her ..heading inside of the school's building.

It will come the day I'll have my revenge.  _Wait it for it, Daria._

 

Throughout the day, Connor basically ignores me. We cross each other in the hallways between classes and he just lowers down his gaze, not doing a great job at hiding how his lips tug down into frown whenever I'm close to him.

I wanna talk to him, I feel really bad.. and this isn't easy for me too.. I love him. I love him so much that it hurts. I love him despite I'm well aware that he could never love me at the same intensity.

Whenever I look at him , It's like feeling sparks going throught all over me, intense as electric shocks. And I just have to refrain myself from grabbing  him and kiss him senseless. But I can't, I just hope he understands that.

All my purposes to act like a civil human being, just fly out of the window when I spot Daria chatting and laughing with Connor. They're standing near Connor's locker and she's ... well, she's Daria. She laughs and play with her hair, and as she's flirtatiously smiling at Connor running her finger on his chest; Taylor notices me as I roll my eyes.

"As they say.. the prince goes off with the wrong princess" She says sighing loudly, referring to the two of them.

I decide to ignore her, because right now I don't have the strenght  to deal with this conversation, so I just shake my head like to clear it from the incessant thoughts and start walking towards the school's exit.

As I'm walking past the two of them, our eyes meet, and I inconsciously let out a short intake of breath. My legs feel like jelly and every step feels heavier than the previous one. I try to hold on with his gaze and my heart clenches, noticing how dark his eyes are and how empty they look, like every bit of light has been absorbed out of his system.

He doesn't seem like him anymore. On the surface, he looks like just the same.. His Hair are perfectly styled, he's wearing a nice shirt that obviously highlights his well built chest from underneath the soft looking material... But deep down, it looks like someone ripped out every positive vibes out of his body, and I don't have any doubt about who did that.

He stares blankly at me, as Daria keeps blabbering about  next week school's dance and I feel like my own heart has been ripped out of my chest.

Connor Stevens has no emotions left in his eyes anymore, and I'm the reason of it.


	16. Your words cut deeper that a knife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of the chapter by the song "Stitches" By Shawn Mendes.

Throughout the whole car ride from school to Taylor's house, she keeps throwing these worried looks at me. At some point, I can't handle it anymore.

“You want to ask me something Taylor?” She just shrugs with a sad expression on her face.

“I just can't understand how we got to this point.” This gets my interest. I finally turn my face towards hers.

“What do you mean?” She shrugs again, looking absent mindedly outside of the window.

“You, keeping things from me” She turns her face scrutinizing my eyes, maybe well aware that I could lie to her again.

“I.. Taylor” I grab her hand “ I was dealing with a situation bigger than me, I couldn't..” I feel once again my voice shaking, but I try to keep it steady, I owe it to her. I owe her the truth.

“You think it was easy for me? Dealing with such a situation and not be able to tell anyone? Not telling you?”

She finally returns my grip on her hand, intertwining our fingers, and she shifts closer on the seat next to me.

“Tell me.. You can tell me everything! You have no idea how much it's hurting me to see my best friend in pain and not being able to do anything, to say anything!”  
I take a deep breath, and looking into her deep worried eyes, I start telling her everything.

 

As soon as I'm about to tell her about our “meeting” in the restaurant's bathroom, we get to her house.

“You can come in, if you want” She says.

I accept, because now that I finally gathered the courage to tell someone, I don't think I would be able to do it in another moment.

We head to her bedroom and she takes a seat on her desk chair, gesturing me to sit wherever I want.

I sit on the edge of her bed, taking a deep intake of breath keep going with my confession.

“.... and today, he looked so..”

“Lost” She points out.

“Did you notice?” She gives a short laugh.

“Of course I noticed.”

“I mean, I feel so bad Taylor.. and if He thinks that it was easy for me...” I let my body fall on the bed me with a groan, and she gets up from the chair sitting on the edge of her bed right next to me.

“I don't think he's blaming you Jude.”

“How do you know?!”

“His father.. is a strange character.”

“Ah! Tell me about it” A sarcastical laugh escapes from my lips, and she joins me shaking her head.

“What is wrong with that guy...”  
“His DNA” She laughs harder, playfully slapping me on my arm.

We lay on her bed, side by side just listening to some music throught her headphones.

“Daria was..”  
“Don't talk about that....” I feel my stomach twisting just thinking about her.

“....Whore”

“I like how you keep completing my sentences”

“That's why we're BFF” I Burst out in laughter.

“Yeah, that's probably it” She laughs too, laying her head against my shoulder and keep listening to Ed Sheeran's songs till we both close our eyes.

 

“Thank you for everything”

“You're welcome J.” She hugs me, tightly standing on the threeshold of the front door.

“You are sure you're not staying for dinner?”

I shake my head, I have to go home.  
“Love you” She says, giving me a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you too Tay”.

She's the best.

 

I suddenly feel lighter, still like shit, but I definitely feel like something heavy just gotten off my chest.

“I'm home” I announce, and my voice echoes in the empty house. Apparentely no one is at home.

I turn on my phone, and I log into my twitter's account. My eyes widen at the multitudes of posts about me and Daria's “Cats fight”.

“You got to be kidding me” I roll my eyes, sitting at my desk chair.

There are tweets and tweets about us, fighting over a guy..

“ _Who's the misterious guy?”_ one tweet says.

“ _Daria trying to steal J.'s crown?”_ another says, and that actually makes me laugh.. like that's even possible.

There's even a video. I immediately open it.

 

““ _You're just a phase for him.”_ Daria's spiteful comment ended up on the Twitter universe.

“ _You will never give him anything beside a quick fuck”_

 

I take a moment to read some of the comments about this video.

“ _Daria is a whore”_ one says, I totally agree. Like on this one.

“ _She doesn't know what dignity means”_ Another says, I Agree to this one too.

“ _I want to know who is the guy they're fighting for ”_ mmm Not like to this one.

“ _The guy is totally Nathan!”_ I burst out in laughters, and I take a screenshot of the comment sending it to Taylor.

“ _Wait, Jude is gay?”_   Mmm Hello?

“ _I'm on team Daria”_ A faceless account tweeted, and I shake my head in amusement. _“Ahh, Daria.”_

“ _You're all so pathetic.”_ Connor Stevens tweeted.

My heart stop beating, the amusement of the moment completely faded away. I like on his tweet though. Because it's true... we're all kind of pathetic.

People are pathetic, because they actually spent time on these tweets, about something that definitely doesn't concern their interests.

I'm patethic, because I decided to end our secret relationship and I can't stop thinking about him, and fighting the urge to call him, or text him.. and asking him if he's okay. Because That's what matter the most for me.

Despite my romantic feelings for him, I'm concerned about him. Because we were best friends above all things.

This seems like a dejavu of last night. When my fingers were shaking typing that text, and I was fighting the urge of not sending it, of not ruining anything.

But like last night, I sent it anyway.

To Connor: “Are you okay?”

I lay on my bed,closing my eyes.. and when I'm about to drift off to sleep I hear my phone buzzing on my nightstand.

I grab it in a rush, and my heart loses a beat when I realise that Connor just sent me a text message.

I open it.

From Connor: “Delete my number”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again: I'm sorry for the angst LOL. I will definitely make it up to you xD please bear with me.  
> Let me know what you think :)


	17. Saints and Sinners.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mention of physical abuse, and sexual content in the end.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Connor's POV.

 

The words hurt like a kick in my stomach.

From the moment I got Jude's text , basically ending things between us, I feel my head spinning and my legs going weak.

I feel my mouth opening slightly, breath coming out in shorts pants. I need to sit down on my bed and just breathe. He doesn't get it, he never will.

He doesn't know what it feels like to be Adam Stevens' son, he will never know the feeling of inadequacy that comes with being a part of the Stevens family.

I mean, the man kicked my ass when I was six, just because I was playing princess with my cousin. I close my eyes tight shut at the painful memory flowing throught my mind.

 

_My little cousin Kiara kept insisting._

_"Come on, Connie!!" She pouted, taking  my hand and dragging me towards her room._

_"Play with me!" She ordered, taking a seat at the pink table allested right in the middle of her room, with a multitudes of nail polish bottles placed on it . She crossed her arms, waiting for me to sit down._

_I thought: "Yeah, why not" with a shrug of my shoulders, so I sat down and she handed me over a tiara._

_"Put this on" She ordered me again with a sweet smile on her face. I loved Kiara, she was my favourite cousin.. not that I had a lot of familiarity with other members of my family anyway.._

_I complied to her request, and she laughed as soon as I put the tiara on with a proud smile on my face._

_"You're gonna be an amazing princess one day. " She said, with bright happy eyes while she was applying to my nails the coral blue nail polish._

_It's what happened next, that I will never forget.. and that still haunts me at night._

_My father's voice came throught the hallway calling me :” Connor we're leaving”._

_He stormed into the room, without even knocking, and the moment he saw what we were doing his face turned into stone._ _He was petrified, paled in the face.. and his fists were clenching for the rage._

_He rushed towards where we were sitting , and he smashed with fury the nail polish bottles on the floor._

_What happened next it's still blurry, I was so traumatized by that outburst that The only thing I can remember clearly, is him grabbing me by my arm and dragging me away while Kiara bursted out in tears._

_I can still feel the pain of his fingers digging into my skin ,and the tightening grip on my arm while we were walking past the shocked figure of my aunt standing on the threshold._ _She was Paled, speechless.. she tried to speak but no words came out of her lips. And Maybe when they came out, it was too late._ _He managed to drag me away from them._

_Once we got home, he didn't lose occasion to make me feel ashamed about what I did. He kept throwing those looks at me.. pitiful looks, saying that I was sick. Over and Over again. Forcing me with his brutality to take the nail polish off... I was so scared by his touch that I took it off immediately._

 

That's the reason why, despite I'm aware that I'm in love with Jude and that the thought of us not being together just kills me, more than my father's scratching on my skin, I can't come out. Not without risking my life.

The week flies very quickly, Jude keeps looking at me from distance with those worried, gorgeous eyes. I try to be as far away as possible from him, and I'm doing anything in my power to avoid his eyes. I can't fall back into this endless tango.

Speaking of.. Tonight is the night of the famous school dance and Daria begged me all week to go as her date.

“Oh come on... the party planner needs the best guy on the market as her date!" She winks, and that makes me laugh, shaking my head in amusement.

“I'm not a piece of meat Daria, and thanks.. but I think I'm gonna go alone”

She snorts rolling her eyes, and without even saying goodbye she turns on her heels joining her “friends”.

I watch her catching up with Taylor and Jude, near his locker, a few feets away from mine.

I keep standing at my locker, hoping to eavsdropping some details. if Jude is going to this dance, and if he's going alone.. I keep it cool, pretending to search something from inside of my locker.

“So, who's gonna be your date J.?” Taylor asks. I watch him shrugs from the corner of my eye.

“Nathan asked me actually” My eyes widen, and I feel my heart beating faster.. Damn Nathan.

“Wait, He asked you after what he did?” Taylor asks surprised. Right.. good point T.

Jude rubs the back of his neck nervously, letting out a giggle.

“Well, actually he apologized.. “ Oh no..

“And you accepted to go to the school's dance with that prick?!” Jude stays completely silent. And my heart is about to explode.. I'm almost losing my hopes when he finally shakes his head. Thank God.

I suddenly feel a smile spreading on my lips, and I inconsciously let out a sigh of relief.. even though, there's no point of being relieved.. I realise.

I watch them heading towards the school's exit and I quickly slam my locker, before turning around and disappear. I don't want them to notice that I was eavsdropping their conversation.  
This is gonna be a night to remember. I think to myself, walking  towards home.

 

“Wow” Is the only word that comes out of my mouth as soon as I a step into the huge ball room settled for this dance.

Daria really brought her A game into this party's planning.

She choose a theme: “Sinners and Saints”, and the athmosphere really fits her theme's choice.

The ballroom is filled with dim lights and soft music on the background that just makes the atmosphere charged with sensual and mysterious vibes.

It's hard to make out familiar faces throught the crowd of people, because we had to stick to a dress code: White for the Saints, and total black for the Sinners.

Someone even decided to wear masks, like to add more mystery, but that's totally an optional.

I finally spot someone familiar in the distance, and there's Taylor standing near the punch table with Daria and Jude.

The girls are chatting animatedly, and Jude seems bored . He keeps staring at the people on the dance floor laying with his back against a wall, standing there with his arms crossed in his perfect black suit. He looks mouthwatering, and I feel my breaths getting shorter at the sight.

Taylor and Daria leave him alone, and I'm debating myself for a moment if I should go. I spot a black mask forgotten on a table and I quickly put it on before someone realises that I've stolen it. Temptation is too hard to deal with, so, I just cave in.

See, I tried to stay as far as possible from Jude.. Because just the thought of being in his proximity makes my brain cells burn. I completely lose my mind, and I don't know if he's aware of the effect he has on me. So I tried to detox from him this past week. Everytime our eyes met I just dislodged my gaze from his. Just his innocent deep brown eyes are capable of making my legs going weak.

With every step I'm taking towards him, I feel the rush of arousal growing inside of me against my control. The athmosphere plus the soft voice of this song, that I can hardly recognize from Usher, echoing throught the ballroom makes me feel lightheaded.

 

_“We're together, now we run down_

_When commands over, choose you “_  

 

I finally stand in front of him, and He moves his gaze from the dance floor to me. He stares at me blankly, and I can't figure out if he recognized me or not.

“Hi” He says, voice calm and neutral. It makes me doubt even more.

“Hey” I greet him back, laying with my back against the wall. He may be thinking that's it's just a show off, but I think I need the wall's support before my legs officially give in. He smiles, slightly turning his face towards mine.

“Do I know you?”

My heart stops beating for a second, and I don't know what to answer to that, honestly. He has this mischievous smirk printed on his face that makes me doubt even more about his naiveness.

So I give myself two options:

A: I can tell him the truth, with the very high chance that he would just run away.

B: I can play at his same game.

I'm momentarily get distracted from my own thoughts, when I feel his hand reaching out to my black tie, touching it lightly. I lift up my gaze and he's not looking at me. His eyes are focused on his hand fiddling with my tie looking intently at his own action, with a mischievous yet innocent smile on his lips.

He lifts up his gaze..

 

 _"Run away, do we separate_  
_Don't wanna give in_  
_Till we both gave up"_

 

I don't think I will ever get over how gorgeous his eyes are, And his dimples, and the blush on his cheeks. To my eyes, he's absolute perfection.

He bits on his lips, letting out a nervous giggle.

The last straw of my conscience is screaming at me to go away, to leave him alone.. because I could never give him what he truly deserves. But then I close my eyes, taking  a deep breath.. and when I reopen it, his eyes are darker and dilated seemingly as turned on as I Am. He lets out a short intake of breath, never breaking eye contact and I completely lose my mind.

Before I realise, I'm taking him by his hand and I'm dragging him away from the noises. He doesn't let up on my grip, he just tightens it.

_"Can't take it back  
It's too late"_

 

I need to find a place when we can be alone. I need him like I never needed anything more fiercely in my entire life.  
I need to feel him, to feel his skin against mine. Like we're the only things that matter in this moment.

I lead him into the janitor closet, and I'm well aware that it's not the most romantic place in the world, but right now it's the last thing that matter for me. He doesn't seems to care either. Because as soon as the door closes behind us, he takes me by my shoulders slamming my back against the door.

 _"I've falling somehow, feet off the ground_  
_Love is the glove, that keeps me waiting down."_

 

He doesn't let up on his kisses, he aggressively presses his lips against mine and my mouth instantly opens up against his, letting him filling it up with his tongue. I hold him by his hips, pulling in closer to my body.

He moans, and I feel myself hardening into the constriction of my pants at the sight of absolutely ecstasy on his face.

I let out a broken moan, feeling him fiddling with my belt, while I try to return the favour unbottoning his shirt and carelessly throwing it on the floor.

I can't help myself but running my lips over his perfect porcelain skin, darting out my tongue to lick at the pulse point on his neck, just above the clavicle, while he lowers down my pants and brief in one smooth movement, wrapping his hand around my member.

The air is filled with our moans, and I can feel that I'm close to combust when he sink on his knees taking me deeper inside of his mouth.

He's not gentle, he's greedily slurping on it like his life depends on it.

I can't look down at him, I know that If I look at him I wont be able to last any longer.

I inconsciously grab with my hand at the short hair behind his scalp , closing my eyes and leading him deeper and deeper until I'm fucking lost in the sensation of his lips taking me to the edge.

 

“ _Where are you now? When I need you aro_ _und”  
I'm on my knees but it seems we're over“_

 

I come undone, and he greedily keep sucking every drop of come. I finally open my eyes breathing heavily and my eyes found his. He's still on his knees, looking at me with eyes blown wide.. his breath coming out in short broken pants.

I pull him up on his feets, pushing his back against the door inverting our previous positions.

 

 _"Run away, do we separate_  
_Don't wanna give in_  
_Till we both gave up_  
_Can't take it back_  
_It's too late...."_

 

As I'm fervently covering his skin with kisses, he wrap his hand behind my head pulling me even closer to his warm body, running his finger throught my hair.

I look at him, taking in the imagine I want to print into my mind forever: His eyes are closed in bliss, his mouth is slight open breathing heavily. His cheeks flushed as his lips are tugging up into his naughty smirk.

It doesn't take long to make him come, I try to drag it out as long as possible, feeling like I can't have enough of the sounds of his endless moans flowing like music into my ears.

He leans in , swallowing and lifting his hands to my face, pulling off the mask I didn't even realise I was still wearing. I let out a short intake of breath, looking deeply into his eyes.  He's going to run away.. I'm sure. But He doesn't. He just smiles caressing my cheeks and connecting our lips once again.

_"......We're reached the climax."_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) I want to say some things... first I hope the sexual content wasn't too lame LOL I'm still getting used to write this kind of scenes.. but I think that it fits in this chapter LOL  
> Then I want to say that I've officially lost my hopes in Canon Jonnor LOL so I'm gonna focus on Fictional Jonnor because let's face it.. it's way more interesting and there's no drama about stage moms and stuff :) So I'm pretending that The Fosters is in a permanent hiatus as far as I'm concerned. xD  
> I Love Jonnor and I'm tired of how is being ruined by drama and stuff, so I'm just gonna follow the fanfictions and writing , because I love this community and the amazing people that I've met throught this website :) always so kind with comments and being patient with me, since as you guys know English it's not my fist language.  
> Anyway, I hope this chapter wasn't too much angsty and that you liked it :) And yes, I want to kick Adam's ass too xD  
> Thanks for reading guys :)


	18. The power of Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is from the song "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion.

Jude's POV.

 

It's like being wrapped in a cocoon you know?

His arms are holding me close to his chest, his face is hiding into the crook of my neck inhaling deeply like he's absorbing my scent. It seems like he doesn't dare of pulling away. Not without falling apart.

We didn't move from our spot, he's sitting on the floor with his back against the door and my body pressed against his, keeping him warm.

“Connor..” He tightens his grip around my waist. My legs are aching a bit, I'm sitting on his lap so it's not the most comfortable position, but I'm willing to stay like this forever. For him. He pulls away slightly, and I feel warmth spreading throught all over me just at the sight of his warm hazel eyes staring into mine.

I lay my hand on his cheek, and he closes his eyes leaning into my touch. I feel myself lost, staring at his perfect features.

“I....” He opens his eyes, and he looks up at me expectlantly, waiting for me to keep talking, but I feel myself biting on my tongue before saying it out loud.

It's definitely not to soon, we've known each other for years.. and It's what I feel, I should be able to tell him how I feel about him... How my heart races everytime I'm looking at him, how It's impossible for me to stay away from him, how I've tried.. to make things easier for the both of us, but it ended hurting in a whole new level.

But then it hits me. What if he doesn't reciprocate? What if now he's too fragile and I'm going to ruin everything? What if.. what if?

The doubts and incertain feel like a knot, keeping me from saying those things out loud.. and he makes me ask instead:

“What are we?” Because I need to know. At least this. I need a certain answer about this.

He shoulders tense a bit. He leans in again into the touch of my hand, still cupping his cheek.

“Jude.. I...”

And here we go again. His arms tightens the grip on my waist, I didn't even realize that I was shifting off his lap. He keeps me there.

His eyes looks a bit more determinated, as he says:

“I'm not sure about anything, Jude.” He pulls me closer to his chest, and I lay my head against it, hearing the racing beats of his heart.

“ But.. I.. “ He lets out a soft sigh, before saying “.. Care about you, a lot.”

“ _Care.”_ Hurts.

“... and I'm not messing with you, what I feel for you is real.. that's the only thing you can be sure of.”

I lift up my head towards his, kissing him gently.

That's not exactly what I wanted him to say.. but, it's something. For now.

 

Connor's Pov.

 

“So..” Jude says, getting off my lap and stretching up his legs. It makes me smile, I kept him trapped on my lap for God knows how long.

“See you around, I guess” He says with a smile that wants to seem of reassurance, but I know that deep down it's bittersweet.

“I'll go first” He says, heading towards the door.

“Jude.” He turns his gaze towards me, his hand still resting on the doorknob.

I cross the room in two long strides pulling him against me, kissing him deeply. He gasps, surprised before leaning into the kiss. He pulls away with the smile that never fails to make my legs going weak, and he turns around opening the door.

“Oh” He gasps stepping out before me.

I follow him out of the room, and there's Taylor standing in front of us, glaring at Jude with a dead serious expression on her face, arms crossed to her chest, nervously tapping her feet on the floor.

“Hey.. “ Jude says smiling sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What's up?”

She clears her throat, quickly throwing a glance at me.

“I want to talk very quickly with your buddy here”

I don't know why but the tone of her voice makes my blood going cold. Jude looks at me strangely, not knowing what to do to save me from this awkward moment.

“Taylor....”

“Very quickly J.” She cuts him off with a smile. It doesn't seems a friendly smile, though. He looks at me worried, and I just give him a nod with my head.

I open the door behind me, gesturing to her to come inside. Let's get over with it.

“Ladies first”

She lets out an amused laugh, stepping inside.

“I could say the exact same thing” she replies being sassy as always.

My eyes meet Jude's worried expression, and I give him a reassurance smile, before closing the door behind me.

She sits on the janitor's desk, looking at me threateningly .

“So...”

“I'll keep this short and clear Stevens”

Like I said: sassy as always.

“If you Break my best friend's heart, I will kick your ass so hard that will be very hard and painful for you to experience any sexual pleasure in the future.”

Her harsh, detached voice makes me flinch, it feels like someone just waxed me near the crotch area. I feel a cold shiver running down my spine just at the thought of it.

She gets up from the desk, stepping right in front of me. Her threatening harsh expression never leaving her face.

“You got it?”

“Clear as day”

She gives a self satisfied smirk ,nodding her head.

“Good, I've done my job” She turns on her heels, stepping out of the room.

As soon as I join them outside, Jude's still there. In the same exact spot, with the same distressed expression all over his face.

“I'll leave you two alone” She announces, giving me an “I'm watching you” gestures with her fingers, before heading back to the ballroom.

“Um...”

“It's okay”

Jude checks around us if there's someone in the hallway, before wrapping his arms around me.

He starts laughing.  
“Wh-”  
“I'm sorry... “ He keeps laughing, and the heavy air from before magically disappears.

“Don't laugh at me!”

“She seriously said that she's gonna cut your balls if you break my heart?”

“Wh.. No!!”

Jude keeps laughing, lacing his arms around my neck. He sobers up, looking up into my eyes.

“Do you want to dance with me?” His lips slowly parts, maybe in surprise.. letting out a gentle sigh. He nods his head, resting it against my shoulder.

I lace my fingers through his hair caressing it gently, while my other hand keeps running all over his back in soft soothing movements.

In this moment, I would want the world to freeze. I've never been so fond of someone in my entire life and as we sway to the voice of Celine Dion's "Power of love” I feel myself lost ,thinking about how true those words are.

 

 _“Lost is how I'm feeling lying in your arms_  
_When the world outside's too much to take_  
_That all ends when I'm with you “_

 

I hear him giving a short intake of breath.

He lifts up his hands cupping my cheeks and closing his eyes before gently connecting his lips with mine.

I close my eyes, leaning into him. In this moment, I decide to not care.

I just want to experience this moment, to live in this moment. I want To lose myself in the warmth of Jude's cheek against mine, and his arms wrapped around my neck holding tightly like to cling onto me. I want to remember this moment forever. Like, how his cheeks are flushed, or his lips tugging up into a blinding smile.. and I never wanting the fluttering feelings in my stomach to go away.

 

 _"we're heading for something_  
_Somewhere I've never been_  
_Sometimes I am frightened_  
_But I'm ready to learn_ _  
_ _Of the power of love_ _“_

 

I quietly step into my house, closing the door behind me as softly as possible.

I walk into my room and the image of my father sitting on my bed almost gives me an heart attack.

“D-Dad!”

I feel my heart beating faster, and not only because he scared the hell out of me.

His face is cold like stone, he's sitting perfectly still on the edge of my bed holding up his phone.

“Care to explain me this?” He says, voice completely detached, getting up from the bed and towards me.

I didn't realized I was still freezed in my spot, on the threeshold.

He hands me his phone over, and I let out a sponteanous gasp staring at the picture.

“ _Fuck”_

I lift up my gaze from the phone screen meeting his blazing eyes..

“D-dad..”

“I thought we were over this” He tooks a step closer, and I notice his shoulder going tense, and his fists clenching.

He shakes his head disappointingly.

“How are you even my son?” and then he continues with his disgusting outburst, raising his voice with every words leaving his disgusting mouth.

“What Have I done in my previous life to deserve such a repulsive son?”

His words don't even hurt anymore. I'm just scared that he's going to beat me up.

I want to move, I want to get out of here.. but my muscles feels blocked just like the knot in my throat that keeps me from screaming help.

He's going there. I can feel it. He's going to beat me up.

I close my eyes letting the hateful words washing over me.

“ _Sick”_

“ _You're not worthy of being called Stevens”  
_

“ _You make me sick”_

Just before his fist could reach my cheek there's the image of Jude flowing throught my mind. Smiling, wonderful, Jude. That just makes everything worthy and makes me feel proud, and brave.

My hands suddenly lift up against my control, and before realizing it I've pushed my father off me.

“Go!” my brains scream at me, and I just do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all... thank you soooo, sooo much for all the nice comments :) it made me so happy!! You guys have no idea :)  
> then reaching this point, there will be shifting of POV's once in a while from now on :)  
> thanks for reading and for leaving comments :)  
> Hope you liked this chapter :)


	19. You carry people. You carry me.

 

Jude's pov.

 

It feels like a dream, for the first time I'm actually waking up feeling happy.

“Good morning!” Mariana,Callie and Lena are already sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast when I join them downstairs.

“Someone is happy” Mariana teases with a smirk on her lips, taking a bite from her chocolate croissant.

I just shrug, sitting down next to Callie who just gives me this curious look.

“You look like you had fun at the dance, last night “ Lena says with a soft smile. I just nod, sipping some orange juice.

“Did you find your knight in shining armor?” Callie asks jokingly. My answer comes out spontaneously, out of my lips.

“I guess I did”

Everyone gasps, and I look up, taking in their shocked expressions. I immediately regret what I just said, because Lena gets up from her seat coming behind me and wrapping me into a hug.

“Ohhh My baby!”

Mariana joins her, squeaking in happiness.

“I want to meet him!” Callie resting her head against my shoulder.

“My baby brother isn't a baby anymore...”

“Okay... I'm done here”

I get up from my seat deciding to call Taylor. It's saturday so.. I need plans.

She doesn't pick up, maybe she's still asleep. I try to call Connor, maybe he wants to.. “Hang out”.

A devious smile spreads on my lips while I'm waiting for him to pick up. He doesn't. He goes straight to the voicemail.

“That's odd..”

“Everything okay Jude?” I watch Callie standing on the threeshold of my room. I gesture her to come inside.

“Yeah.. Everything is okay....” Even though I'm feeling an odd, unpleasant forebolding weighting inside my chest. I try to push it aside And I manage to flash her a smile, since she has this worried frown all over her face.

“Um.. Mariana and I are going shopping, do you want to join us?” I close my eyes dreading the endless clothing feuds between them. She doesn't wait for an answer, she just comes forward dragging me by my hand.

 

It's been two hours.

Two hours of : “Callie tries this on!” and “Wow, Mari... you look amazing in this dress” and “Buy this one so we can share it!” and “Jude, stop moping “ and “Come on.. try and have some fun”.

I mean, how I'm suppose to have some fun sitting on this chair watching them squeaking about bag and accessories to match the dresses they just bought? I'm gay, I'm not a mannequin, for Christ sake.

Then, I reach the breaking point when:

“I saw it first!”

“Drop it Callie, I called dibs on this!”

“When?! When you were stealing the red stiletto heels, which I saw it first by the way, from me?!”

I get up from the chair, getting out of the store.. I'm too worried to give a crap about their fashion issues.

I call Connor again and it goes once again straight to the voicemail.. I don't know why, but I don't have a good feeling about this.

I'm quickly typing a text.

To Connor: “Hey, are you okay? Please call me.”

I suddenly hear a mean laugh, and I lift up my eyes from the phone screen meeting Adam's, apparently drunk ,eyes.

He tries to grab my phone.

“Hey!” I put it back into my pocket, and he comes closer to me threateningly.

“Was it him?!” I feel my heart beating faster, what is he talking about?

“Tell him to drag his ass  home! Right now!”

His face is inches apart from mine, and I can smell his stinky breath all over my face. Ew.

“Get off me!” He holds me by my arm, tightening his grip ,and I feel my stomach clenching at his proximity.

“Hey!!” My sisters immediately comes forward, pulling away his grip from my arm.

“What's your problem Mr. Stevens?!” Callie yells, pushing him backwards.

“Callie don't...” I don't want them in danger, this person has issues. I don't want my sisters to be harrassed by him.

He points his finger towards me, his eyes blazing into mine.

“I know you're hiding him, and I will find him! And your mother's money wont save your ass from the consequences! Do you hear me?!”

“Adam I-”

“Don't fucking call me Adam! I'm Mr Stevens for you!”

A crowd of people starts to gather around us, and In this moment I just want to know if Connor is okay. This man thinks I'm hiding him, so he's clearly not at home.

“Mr. Stevens, I don't know what you are talking about right now”

“You do!” He yells in frustration, taking a step towards me. Mariana and Callie quickly step forward too, defensively.

“I saw the picture! I know everything I need to know! And as soon as I will find him, you will never put your disgusting hands on my son, do you hear me!?”

I feel my pulse racing , I take a look around us, watching people staring at us and gossiping about this scene.

“W-what Picture?!” Mariana asks, confusion written all over her face.  
“Jude.. “

It's too much, I feel my head full of everything. I just need to..

“Jude!” Callie and Mariana come after me, rushing down the sidewalk. I feel like I can't breathe, I need to stop and think rationally. I need to..

“Are you okay?!” Callie breathes out, pulling me into a hug. I shake my head into her shoulder, feeling tears dropping on her soft blouse.

Mariana quickly joins us into the hug, gently caressing my back in soothing movements.

 

They take me to my favourite restaurant, but right now.. my stomach feels so unsettled that I've completely lost my appetite.

“Come on Jude.. you have to eat something”

“I'll take Lasagna”

“Lasagna is good” Callie says with a smile. Mariana gives me a thumb up.

They are waiting for me to talk, I can feel it.. Mariana's lips part once in a while, and I know she's just refraining herself from asking, also because I suspect Callie is elbowing her from underneath the table to shut her down.

“So... I'll cut it short.” They both stare at me expectlantly. I take a deep breath and the vomit of words quickly rushes out of my mouth.

“Connor, Adam's son, and I were best friend. We kissed at some stupid birthday party and then we never spoke to each other ever again. We reconnected a while ago, and then we started having this secret relationship affair. I was tired of us being a secret so I dumped him. Then we hooked up last night in the janitor closet and he told me that his feelings were real and that he cares about me and..”  
“Cares?!” Mariana frowns, earning a elbowed into her hip by Callie. I keep talking.

“And... we slow danced in the school's hallway...”

“Awww” Another elbowed.

“You're hurting me Callie!” Mariana complains with an outrageous whine, massaging her hip.

“Shut up and let him talk” Callie's eyes never leaving mine.

“And.. he doesn't pick up the phonecalls, and I'm getting worried because, you know.. you were there. He's not home.. and I don't know where he is, if he's safe... I mean, I'm glad that he's not home, because the thought of him being alone with that psyco creeps me out.. but w-wh...”

I try to push back the tears, because... In this moment, I need to be strong for him. I need to be rational, and calm and collected and find him. I need to find him.

“Excuse me” they both nod as I'm getting up from the table and heading outside.

I pull out my phone from my pocket and I dial his number.. it rings endlessly, and he goes straight to the voicemail once again.

“Connor, Please.. Connor. I need to know that you're safe, please answer this fucking phone! I'm going insane here. I.. run into you father and he was drunk and started yelling about me, hiding you. So please Connor, let me know that you're okay! P-Please.”

I run my fingers through my hair, feeling the frustration and exhaustation rushing through my whole body. I feel like I'm going insane.

 

I join my sisters at our table, and they both look at me expectantly. I just shake my head in defeat.

We eat in silence. Lasagna is my favourite food, but right now.. my stomach feels completely clenched.

 

“Please don't tell moms”

“Jude.. “ I know very well this tone.

“Callie.. Please.”

Mariana doesn't say anything, because she knows that involving moms will make the situation even messier.

“For now, please. Until I know that Connor is okay.”

She smile sadly, pulling me into a hug.

“You really are a big boy.” She says holding me tightly to her.

“You really love him.” I just close my eyes, praying that I will have the chance to tell him someday.

 

We head home, because honestly.. this day has been intense.

I need to take a shower and just.. turn off my brain.

“Jude, if you need anything...” Callie says dropping  their shopping bags on the couch.

I give her a thankful smile, nodding before heading upstairs.

I check my phone before heading into the shower, and there's no signs of Connor Stevens.

I let out a loud sigh, dropping my phone on the bed.

 

“ _Connor”_

“ _Connor”_

“ _Connor”_

My mind is completely wrapped in “Connor”.

I can't take his name off my brain, and I'm feeling like losing it because there's nothing I can do to help, not if I can't have any ideas of where he's hiding.

I take a look at my mirrow reflection and it makes me flinch, seeing how crappy I look.

I'm pale. I have these huge bags under my eyes, and they looks empty.. like every bit of brightness from last night has been sucked in by this turn of events.

 

I let my body fall on the bed, closing my eyes and just.. laying.

I suddenly hear my ringtone and my eyes crack open, reaching out for my phone.

I stare at the unknown number written on it, before answering.

“Hello?”

“Jude.”

My heart stops beating. I let out a loud sigh of relief lashing out all the anxiety and worrying I've been buiding up during the day, and before realizing it I'm busting out in tears.

“Jude..It's okay, I'm okay.”

I can't talk because I'm sobbing so hard that I'm afraid I would choke on my own tears, also.. my sight is completely clouded by it.

“C-C-C....”

“Shh... It's okay” I let out a groan, wiping at my tears.. feeling soothed by his gentle voice.

“W-w-where are you?!”

“I can't talk about it through the phone.” He says in a rush.

“Can you meet me at the park?”

I'm already putting on my shoes before even saying yes.

“I'm on my way ”

He doesn't say anything else , he just hung up the phone.

 

“Jude, where are you going? It's 8 Pm.” My mom ask looking at me rushing towards the elevator.

“Um..”  
“He's having dinner at Taylor's ” Mariana quickly replies, winking at me.

“Call when you need the car to pick you up honey” Mom says, I just nod in response, Throwing a grateful look at Mariana before rushing out of the apartment.

 

“ _Inhale”_

“ _Exhale”_

That's what my mind keep suggesting me, as I'm walking... okay, running, towards the park.

It's not very crowded around here at this time.. maybe that's why Connor told me to meet him here.

He's standing near the pond with his back turned towards me.

He's still wearing last night's clothes.

I don't know how he knows. We're only few feets apart from each other, when he slowly turns around. Our eyes meet, and I hear myself give a short intake of breath.

He's here, he's... fine, I guess. But he's here.

I rush forward towards him, and I throw myself into his arms sobbing desperately.

“Shh...Jude, I'm here.”

I lace my arms around his neck, kissing him. He sighs, melting into our kiss. his mouth opens up against mine, letting our tongues stroke against each other.

He makes me moan, laying his hand behind my neck pulling me even closer to his body.. if that's even possible.

He pulls away, and I lick my lips still feeling the lingering touch of his kisses blending perfectly to the salty taste of my tears.

“Where were you?!” My voice comes out shaky and uneven.

“I.. I'm staying at my uncle's place.” He says cupping my cheeks, resting his forehead against mine.

He gesture to sit down on the bench and he starts talking, while his arm lays comfortably around my shoulder.

“He knows, Jude.” He admits, staring absent mindedly ahead of him.

“Someone..” He takes a deep breath, looking at me.

“... Someone, took a picture of us when we were slow dancing.. and sent it to my.. “ He sighs, running his finger over my cheek.

“... sent it to _him_ ”

He can't even say his name. I feel my breath catching in my throat just imagining what Connor daily goes through, being biologically related to this man.

I feel awful, now I get everything... and I feel guilty.

“It's my fault” He gasps, lifting up my chin.

“Jude.. No.” I shake my head, feeling my eyes tearing up.

“It's not your fault.. It will never be your fault.” He lifts up my head, and his deep hazel eyes are bright as diamonds.

“You are strong, You carry people, You carry me.” I feel my heart getting heavier.. and I just want to tell him...

“You make me feel brave, you make me stronger.”

My heart was not prepared to all of this, I feel like I will have a stroke in any minute.

Stroke caused by overwelming romantic praises. Sounds like a plan.

“Con...” He smiles at my blushing cheeks, and I hide my face into the crook of his neck.

Everything feels different, being like this with him. Our relationship not confined to the limo space , or my room.. it's feels like a fairytale. If I'm not thinking about his psyco dad and his minion...

“Who sent that photo?”

“I don't know, He just had it saved into his phone”

“It must be someone from our school”

“Probably” he agrees.

“I swear I will find the responsible and beat the hell out of him” He laughs.

“ I love when you are aggressive like that.”

“ _Love”_

“it turns you on, Stevens?” He smiles, lowering down his face towards mine.

“You have no idea”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) two chapters in two days :) I hope you liked this, let me know what you think:)


	20. I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight.

Connor's POV

 

It felt good, lashing out everything and crying against Jude's chest till the last tear was dry, while he gently caressed my hair and he whispered sweet soothing words into my ear.

I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for him.

I softly close the front door of my uncle's house, and I find the three of them sitting on the couch waiting for me.

“Connor” My aunt says, her face clearly filled with concern.

She gestures to join them on the couch, and she shifts a bit on the right, so that I can sit between her and my cousin Kiara. She reaches out with her arm resting it around my shoulder, pulling me towards her warm body.

She wasn't thrilled to let me go out , but I was a mess.. I needed to see Jude, I needed to talk to him.

“Honey, We want to have you here.. We want to keep you safe...”

“More than anything.” My uncle agrees.

I let out a sarcastic laugh, slightly pulling away from her embrace looking straight into her eyes.

“But..?”

She sighs, running her fingers throught her blonde hair.

“..But, we can't just.. Lock you in here.. The police is probably looking for you.”

“We.. need to talk to him."

I feel panic rushing throught my veins.

“H- He doesn't understand! He will beat me up again!”

I feel air leaving my lungs. I can't come back there. I can't.

“Honey “ My aunt Jackie gets up from the couch trying to reassure me.

“We wont anything bad happen to you, I promise sweetheart. ”

I want to believe her. I Do. But I keep thinking about it.. and every bit of hope is slowling fading away.

I didn't realize I'm hysterically shaking my head, until she reaches out, cupping my face into her hands.

“Look at me, Connor”

I do.

“You're safe.”   
I know she believes it, and I should do too.. but, my mind is filled with horrible flashbacks of him beating me up, screaming and yelling profanities at me, while forcing me to take my nail polish off.

I know it's not true, I know I'm not safe yet.. but for now, I can only throw myself into her arms, clinging on to her.

“ We'll take care of you.. “ She says. I just nod in response, closing my eyes and leaning into the warmth of her body, that finally reminds me what home feels like.

 

We're going to my house tomorrow, just the three of us, and I don't know exactly what is gonna happen, or what is my uncle's plan.. but I decided to trust them, I kinda have to.

“Are you okay, Con?” Kiara's voice comes throught breaking the silence.  
I'm crashing her room for the night, I'm laying into one of her twin beds staring at the ceiling.  
“Um.. yes, I'm okay.”

“Everything is going to be fine” She says confidently, and that makes me laugh because.. she's so hopeful and positive.

“I hope so Kiara”

“You're gonna be my big brother” She laughs, and that makes me smile and throwing a pillow at her.. because she's just so positive. I wish I was like that.

“Ohh no, you didn't”

“Ohh I did” She gets up from her bed, coming closer to where I'm laying with a mischievous smile on her face, and she starts a pillows war.

It ends badly. Obviously she's the one that begs :” I surrender! Please stop!!” And I Just keep hitting her with the pillow.

“You're so mean!! Stop!! “ She laughs, and that ends up with her mother opening the door and calling us out on our childlish behaviour.  
“It's 11 PM! People are trying to sleep”

It felt so right, that makes my stomach fills with warmth.. that's what I've been missing for the most part of my life. Normality and the love of a family.

 

Around 1 Pm my phone I hear my phone buzzing.

It's a text from Jude.

From Jude: “I can't sleep.”

To Jude: “Me neither.”

I wait few seconds and his answer pops up on the screen.

From Jude: “Are you okay?”

To Jude: “I will be.”  
From Jude: “Okay Good.. I'll be with you along the way.”

It makes my heart flutters and types the words quickly without thinking.

To Jude: “I love Y..”

I stop typing, realizing what I'm about to send.

I don't want to say it like that, he deserves romance.. and saying it throught the phone it's just the worst way ever to say “I love you” To someone for the first time.

I quickly delete the words, one after another.. and typing instead the lyrics on one of song in particular that I know just owns a special place in his heart .

To Jude : “I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight “

He doesn't take him too long to reply.

From Jude: “Don't go all Jessie J. on me Stevens ahah Ps: ...You're getting me throught the night.”

I close my eyes, and I can feel myself smiling.. even when I'm drifting off to sleep.

 

As we're approaching my house, there's only one thought that keeps flowing throught my mind.

_“You're safe”_

I swallow, stepping inside the huge building with my uncle and my aunt.

 We step into the elevator and as we're heading up to the penthouse my heart threatens to burst out of my chest.  
“I can't do this”

“We will” She reassures me with a weak smile, tightening her grip on my hand.

The unmistakable “Ping” indicates that we've reached the penthouse. The elevator's doors opens and.. everything starts spinning.

“Adam?” My aunt calls softly, and I'm hoping he's not there.. I can't face him. I feel my whole body starts trembling.

My uncle walks ahead, feeling startled by the weird silence.. also because, the doorman said that Adam Hasn't left the building since he came back home yesterday afternoon.

“Adam?!” We hear my uncle's voice yelling from the bedroom. Then, the complete silence falls, we can hear Just my uncle's hurtful moans.

“Wh-What is happening aunt Jackie?!” She Doesn't reply, she looks as shocked as I am. She keeps holding my hand. Paled in the face.

“Phil?” She calls him with trembling voice.  
“Oh My God Jackie, call the police!”

“Wh.... aunt Jackie, what's going on?!”

 

About 10 minutes later the police arrives, they keep me away from Adam's room but...I can tell from their whispering, my aunt's shocked face, her putting her hands on her mouth absorbing the news, their pitiful look at me.. My uncle's bloody hands.. It doesn't take a genius. My house is a crime scene.

I'm not allowed to go anywhere, in this moment I feel completely calm. I don't know why, but It's not happening to me. It's like a movie's scene. I feel completely calm and collected sitting here on our couch watching the paramedics rushing to Adam's bedroom, and the police questioning my aunt and my uncle. They talk and they throw looks at me once in a while.

I feel my mind going completely white. I mean, my... Adam. Adam is probably dead, and I'm completely unaffected.. I feel almost like an ass right now.

The paramedics come back into the living room, looking calm and kind of defeated.

They talk to my relatives shaking their head probably saying that they tried everything to save him..

Then I shift my gaze towards the hallway and the last thing I know is that they are dragging Adam's deceased body on strechters, before my sight goes completely black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow my longest fic so far lol  
> My own comment for this chapter is : "Shit just got real" lol


	21. Call my name and save me from the dark.

Connor's pov.

 

“So this is it ” I think standing in front of the mirrow, looking at my own reflection. I feel like. Empty. Deprived for every emotion. Sad? Happy? Relieved? None of them flows through my body.

I should be scared at this point. Because my.. Adam. Adam was murdered, and I should at least feel relieved. Relieved that I can finally be me, without hiding and without any fear that he could come to me and beat the hell out of me.

I keep staring at my reflection, throwing a glance at my black suit, trying to read throught myself, questioning myself why I'm feeling absolutely nothing right now.

“Honey?” My aunt calls me and she takes a step towards me, carefully, like I'm some fragile piece of glass.

“It's time.” She says, and I nod to her.

“Let's get over with it”

 

The cemetery is crowded with people, I'm not surprised. It's all over the news.

“ _The Millionaire Adam Stevens murdered in his own house”_

Everyone come to me saying things like:

“I'm sorry for your loss” or “I wanted to come over and pay my condolences “

Do they understand that I don't care? Why I should care that my homophobic violent ass of a father died?

I feel overwelmed by this sudden rush of hipocrisy. Everyone hated my dad. He doesn't deserve this people to his funeral. He doesn't.

“Is everything okay sweetheart?” I just nod to my aunt, letting out a sigh.

“Connor” I turn around and there's Jude right in front of me. He seems devastated, his eyes teary and sad.

I'm feeling guilty for not feeling the usual fluttering warmth in my stomach right now.

“Oh Connor” He hugs me.

I want to hug him back, his warmth gives me a bit of relief, But It feels like my body is completely freezed. I just close my eyes, inhaling his scent.

He pulls away, and then his family comes forward.

“I would like to convey our condolences to your family” His mom says, and my aunt just hold her hand saying thanks.

Jude's eyes keep looking at me trying to peer throught my mind in a attempt to understand what's going on inside of it, what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. The problem is, I don't know either.

He seems to understand that infact he doesn't say anything else, he just stands next to me the whole time.

““Friends. We are gathered here today, as you are all aware, to pay our last tributes and respects to the memory of our departed friend Stevens Adam....”  
As the priest starts his usual burial speech, I feel my body starts trembling.

Jude must have notice because, I suddenly feel his hand holding mine.

I turn my eyes towards him, and he's watching me. His eyes are filled with pain. I don't know what my face is doing but It's not something positive, because his eyes start filling with unleashed tears.

I pull away my hands from his, staring at Adam's lifeless body ready to be buried under the ground, Still feeling like he's gonna wake up in any minutes and unleash his anger and disgust towards me calling me with any possible homophobic words.

“Con.”

I shake my head, feeling my throat getting dry and my ears whistling. I can't. I can't.

I turn around, running away from that place. Running away from that man.

“Connor!!” Jude runs after me, and I try to speed up.

“Con!” He grabs me by my arm and for a minute I wonder how he managed to catch Me up so quickly.

I let out a groan turning around, he flinches at the anger running across my features. He takes a step back, but he doesn't go away. He stays freezed in his spot.

“What?!”

“Connor...”

“What do you want?!” I'm being rude, I know. He just want to help me processing things but that's not what I need right now. I just want to forget. He doesn't deserve it, I know. He swallows, maybe trying to push aside the pain.

He takes a tentative step forward.

“Connor, I know you're hurt right now...”

“I'm not hurt.” He flinches at my harsh tone. He swallows again, trying to chase my empty eyes, that just.. keep looking at everything but him.

“You are.” He says, and I just roll my eyes.. He takes another step closer and now there are only few inches apart from me.

“You are.” He repeats, lifting up my chin making me look into his sweet loving eyes.

“And that's okay Connor. It's okay to be hurt, it's okay to be angry.. I'm just trying to support you and help you processing all of this”  
I can't help but letting out a sad, mean, laugh.

“I don't need to be psychoanalyzed by you Jude” He takes a deep breath, and I bet he's doing everything in his power to push aside the hurt and not seem affected by my words.

“Your father is dead.”

That.. that's my last straw.

“It's not my dad!!” He jumps , taking a step back. I feel so mad right now.. and the anger keep increasing over and over throught my whole body.

“He's not my father! He never was! I'm glad he's dead!”

I'm screaming, and people around us starts staring at me with judgment expressions on their faces.

“What?!” I say turning to them. “I hated my father!” My mouth keep going with the vomit of words. Jude comes closer again grabbing me by my arm.

“Let's go Connor” My arm shakes off his grip, and before I realize I'm pushing him off me.

“Leave me alone”.

He looks at me with eyes blown wide and lips slightly parted. He has this look of pure hurt of his face that would have broke my heart if I wasn't feeling this complete apathy right now.

He stays in his spot, taking deep breaths, looking at me.. maybe trying to push aside the last bit of hurt spreading through him. He doesn't. He just turns around, walking away, never looking back.

I feel my legs going weak so I sit down on the grass against to a three.

I close my eyes, taking deep breaths thinking about how much Jude doesn't deserve me. He deserves better. Someone who would have stood up to his father, who wouldn't kept their relationship a secret, who wouldn't have treated him like I just did.

I'm not worthy of his love and I'm not worthy of being Adam's heir either.

 

My aunt invited the closest friends and family to her house “to comfort each other in our grief” She said.

She invited Jude's family too, and I just can't handle him right now.. just looking at him, after what I did to him makes me want to throw up.

We're sitting on the couch in the living room, my Aunts quietly talking to Jude's mom and him glaring at me sitting on the loveseat across from me.

Like I said, I can't bear it.

I get up, and his eyes never leave me as I'm getting out of the room.

I hear my aunt saying:

“ _It only takes time, he's just.. overwhelmed right now”_

 _Overwhelmed,_ what a fucking joke.

On my way to what I presume will be my room, I walk by my uncle's study spotting his finest scotch in the glass cabinet.

I stop on my track and, withouth any second thoughts ,I quickly take it out from there Bringing it with me on my way to the terrace.

I open the metallic door, closing my eyes and taking in the cool breeze blowing through my hair.

It feels nice.

I sit on the floor, looking at the sunset  and occasionally taking a sip from the expensive bottle.

It feels good, I feel my body slowly relaxing and filling with warmth.

I close my eyes, letting the cool breeze tossing my hair.

I suddenly hear the metallic door closing, and I immediately jerk around.

I let out a sigh of relief. it's Jude.

But then, I remember that _It's Jude_. And the events of this morning rush back through my mind, blowing me like a kick in my stomach.

He looks at me, standing there with his back pressed against the closed door.

His expression empty and eyes fill with anger. I'm not blaming him, I can't.

“Um..”

“You know it's not the right solution” He cuts me off with harsh judgmental tone.

I just keep staring at the bottle, feeling lightheaded a bit.

He sighs, pulling away from the door and sitting down next to me. Our knees pressed to each other.

I lift my eyes and I found his. They're not as angry as before, but they're filled with sympathy.

“Why?”

He seems taken aback by my question, he clearly understood what I meant, I can tell by how his eyes dislodge from mine, staring at the ground.

“Why you waste your time with me?” He gasps, lifting his hand and laying it gently on my knee.

“You're not a waste of time, Connor”

I wish it was true.

“You deserve someone better” He starts caressing my knee in gentle soothing circles.

I feel my sight getting blurry clouded by the unleashed tears.

“You're my Better, Connor.” He says, lifting up his other hand, caressing my cheek.

I feel anger and frustration rising up over again from the pit of my stomach.

“Why?! I treated you like shit this morning!”

“You were hurt”

“I had no right...”

“Connor..”

It's like a vulcano.

Tears running down my cheeks, my sobs consuming my body.. I let it all out. Against Jude's chest.

He gently caresses my hair, and I feel even worse, Because I don't deserve this. I'm not worthy.

“You are” He says, and I realize that I was thinking out loud “You are worthy” He repeats.

And then... he says it.

“ _I love you, Connor”._

I hear him gasp, against his chest. His breath getting shallower. His heart beating faster.

I open my eyes, lifting up my eyes to his. They're deep and clear like the ocean.

His lips are parted letting out tiny puffs of air out of it.

My lips are like sealed, he's waiting for me to say something but the overwhelming fluttering feelings back in my stomach caused by his words, makes my body feeling like jelly.

I feel my ,slightly dizzy,brain screaming at me:

“ _Say something”_

“ _say it!”_

“ _Damn it, open your mouth kid!”_

But it just releases shorts intake of breath.

When it finally open, with the fully intention of uttering a decent reply, the door cracks open.

It's my aunt.

“Connor?!” She says, eyeing the bottle of scotch across from me.  
Moment ruined.

 


	22. One more time. I promise after that I’ll let you go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a three months time jump from this chapter on.  
> Title of the chapters from the song "One last time" by Ariana Grande.

**_Jude's Pov._ **

 

It's been two months.

I've been crying for two months, locked up in my room crying and crying until my chest could heal from the immense pain.

Two months, since I went to Connor's place, few days after my confession on the roof and her words hurted me in the worst way possible. The pain felt very similar to a knife in my chest, straight to my heart.

“Honey....” She said opening her arms and pulling me into it.

“Didn't he tell you?” At those words my body started shaking.

_He ran away._

Connor Stevens ran away.

Who fucking knows where. He just got on his father's private jet and closed off from reality.

“He's fine.. um, Adam's bodyguards are with him.. we tried to make him come home..”

I stopped listening, the anger literally didn't allow me to hear anything else . _He ran away._ That's all I needed to know.

I tried to call him several times But he never picked up. His phone rang and rang endlessly, and day by day my hopes slowly faded away.

I thought he was gonna tell me. I opened my heart for him. I never did it for anyone else. And he just gave up on us. All I wanted is being there for him.

 

 

“Come on bitches, Let's get going.”

They got used by now. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. So now I'm even bitchier than before.

We enter the school building and every one stare at ne, as usual. The news spread like a virus.

“Hey J. Where's Connor?” A tiny gingerhead girl asks.

At the mention of his name I suddenly stop in my track. Probably this pixie never got the memo that His name is completely taboo in this school. Nobody is allowed to say it. I made it clear.

Taylor's eyes widen along with Maddie's, grabbing me by my arm.

“Jude..”

I totally ignore her, shaking off her grip.

I take a step forward to this girl, and she takes a step back.

“Do you like your hair, Carrot top ?” She bits her lips, looking scared and even more tiny.

I take one of her locks, fiddling with it.

“Then, Next time I'll hear you saying that name I will rip it off, one by one. You got me?”

She nods, her small frame starts to shake and without saying any words she runs away.

I turn around and Taylor looks at me speechless with a slightly disappointed look on her face.

She turns around, rushing down the hallways. I frown, chasing after her.

“T.!” she speeds up, but I quickly catch up grabbing her by the arm.

“Wait!”

“What?” She turns around with an exasperated groan.

“Wh-” She turns her body towards me, glaring at me with a pissed expression on her face.

“You need to get it together!” She yells. Her voice hurt and angry.

“What?”

“You're hurt!” She points out the obvious and she takes a step towards me when I start shaking my head.

_I'm fine, I got over it._

“You can't lash out on people like that just because you're hurt J.”

“I'm not hurt” She shakes her head, smiling sadly.

“You're in denial Jude.”

“You can't even hear Con-”

“Don't Say his name!” I quickly cut her off with voice sharp and broken.

“You need to move on.”

“I've moved on.”

She lets out a low noise in her throat, shaking her head.

“Keep telling that to yourself.”

And then she turns around, disappearing through the emply hallways. I keep standing there, harmless, eyes empty, and thinking.

She's right. He's gone.. I tried and tried to reach out to him but he never really allowed me to do that.

I pull out my phone, giving him one last chance to let me in.

It rings and rings, and nothing seems different from any other day ;But this time something switch on inside of me, so instead of hanging up the phone call I just start talking after the signal of the voicemail comes through.

“Hi, It's me.” I pause, taking a deep breath “I know you don't want to talk to me, or anyone else. But I need to talk to you.. so I'm just gonna do that, whether you like it or not. I'm angry, no.. scratch that, I'm pissed actually. I could have helped you, I could have stood by yourside. I was willing to do that.. but not anymore.”

I feel my heart getting lighter and I hold back the unleashed tears. I'm not gonna cry for him, not anymore.

“It's been two months, and you never told me where you are or if you're okay. you just left me, without even saying goodbye. You were careless towards me, and I know I'm being selfish because your father just died and you needed to breathe and pause from all the unfortunate events but that doesn't justify your behaviour , Connor.”

I feel a pang in my chest, just saying his name. I avoided saying it for two months, and now.. just hearing his name through my shaking voice, makes me feel a hole in my heart.

“I'm just calling you to tell you that I need to move on, Connor. So.. Take care, and be safe.”

I hang up the phonecall, and for once in two months I'm actually feeling better.

 

  _ **One month later.**_

 

I don't need to mention that for the following month, I tried to be on the down low.

Studying, hanging out with the minions, and trying to not cave into Nathan's attempts of flirting.

“Stop it, Tay.”

She laughs, taking a bite of her sandwich, she swallows before saying:

“I think he succeed on buying your forgiveness” She points out, and Maddie laughs along with her.

“I thought you hated Nathan.”

She snorts, shaking her hand in a dismissive way.

“I did.. but Jesus. He showed up at your house with a bunch of roses and a huge swiss chocolate's bar for Valentine's day.”

She has a point. Swiss Chocolate is my second favourite kind of chocolate in the entire world.

“It was really good.” She nods, smiling teasingly.

I dragged it out, this courting ritual, because I didn't feel ready. I think that what held me back was the bit light of hope I had for Connor to come back home. But He didn't. I didn't even call his aunt anymore to check if he was okay.

So, everytime Nathan asked me out I always looked for excuses.

“Speaking of the devil....” Taylor clears her throat poking at me on the arm,looking up at Nathan.

“Hey guys” He greets us politely, and then he looks at me.

The way his eyes sweetly looks into mine makes my chest fill with warmth.

“Hey Handsome.” He says.

“Hi Nathan.” he seems nervous. I can tell by the way he's blushing, the way he's fiddling with his fingers, the way he's kneeling in front of me.. Oh my God.

Everyone at the table gasp, and the whole courtyard fell in silence looking at the scene.

“Yes, he's gonna marry you!” Taylor sighs dreamily.

Nathan laughs, even though his shoulders are clearly tense, as he holds my hand.

“Jude. I know that I'm probably too clingy and You're probably not even considering to go out with me.” Then he looks up at me with his eyes filled with hope, and I swallow feeling my stomach upside down.

“.. But I like you, a lot. And I would like to have the opportunity to prove it to you. So....”

It's my last chance. This is my cue. I glance at the entry, foolishly hoping to see him coming in through that door.

“ _I need to move on.”_

Before He can finish his sentence, I close my eyes taking a deep breath.

“Yes, I will go out with you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me LOL.  
> It will all be worth it , I promise :)  
> And.... thank you from the bottom of my heart to the 101 kudos and 3000 hits xD it makes me so freaking happy!! :) thank you so much!


	23. Three words, Eight letters.

Connor's POV.

 

It's three in the morning.

As I'm ringing at the doorbell of the familiar househould, I'm feeling my heart beating fast.

The door swings open, and there are few seconds of complete silence before my aunt's arms are wrapping tightly around me.

“Connor.”

I just close my eyes, hugging her back.

 

We're sitting at the kitchen stools, both in complete silence. She's clearly waiting till I'm ready to talk.

I don't think I'll ever be.

What happened, despite everything, completely destroyed my world.

I had time to think during my “sabbatical months” Away, and I came to the realization that my world has been turned upside down.

After Jude's attemps of contacting me, I gave my phone to my one of my bodyguards making him promise to never give it back to me.

I couldn't hear his voice without feeling a jerk, without wanting to fly back home and Just hold him in my arms.

I needed to find myself back first, and I can't say at 100% that I figured things out, but I'm dealing with it.. it's one step ahead.

I accepted it, Him being dead. Now I just need to put the pieces together.

“I'm sorry..” She nods sympathetically.

“Listen Connor, what you did..”

“I know.”

She sighs, holding my hands into hers.

“What you did it's wrong.. on so many levels” she says “We were here for you.. all of us. And you ran away to the other side of the world. Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

I just nod, feeling my eyes tearing up.

She tightens her grip on my hands.

“Every day.. I was living with the fear of getting a phonecall saying that you were..” She can't even finish her sentence.

 _Dead._ It's loud and clear.

I get up, throwing myself into her arms.

“I'm sorry...”

She runs her fingers through my hair.

“Shh.. it's okay..”

“Do you still love me?” She lets out a soft laugh.

“You're so silly, of course we love you.. we're gonna take care of you.”

I pull away and she gently wipes the tears off my face.

“You should go to sleep.. Tomorrow I'm gonna go talk with Lena about you going back to school”

Suddenly the thought of seeing him after what I've done, makes me feel an unpleasant ache in my stomach.

“Am I grounded?”

She laughs.

“You bet you are.”

I give a nod with a smile on my lips, before heading upstairs.

 

The morning after we're all gathered in the kitchen for breakfast and my cousin is super happy and exicted about me being back, my uncle seems glad too.. certainly less excited than my cousin, but he seems cool.

He keeps throwing these odd looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking, that gives me a strange odd feeling running down my spine.

“Okay people.. Connor and I are heading to his school to talk with Lena.”

I almost choke on my cereals.

“I- I need to come too?”

She looks at me with a furrowed eyebrows, confusion written all over he face.

“Well yes.. I think It's better if you come along..”

Oh God.

 

Throughout the ride from My aunt's house to my school I'm try to stay calm, not freaking out about seeing Jude.. or anyone else.

It's hard.

I feel my chest lifting up inhaling and exhaling..

“It's gonna be okay..”

“Easy to say so, aunt Jackie..”

She opens the school's entry door, stepping inside.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because, I've been a coward.. and now I have to pay the price..” She just nods.

“You're talking about..”

_“... Jude.”_

He's there as usual with his back resting against his locker,talking animatedly with his friends. He's not aware of my presence, yet. 

Taylor notices me, and I almost let out a laugh when she hits him with her elbow and he lifts up his eyes.

His lips part in surprise, then he closes it.

The look of surprise is quickly replaced by anger, his lips tugging down in a pissed frown, just like his eyebrows drawn together in a harsh line.

I saw this coming.

He keeps glaring at me from distance, his hands gripping one of his books so tight that his knuckles become white.

“Jude..” My voice comes out so softly and weak that I can barely hear it. He does, He certainly does, because he gives a short intake of breath, looking away.

My heart clenches. I'm so stupid.. I gave up the most important thing for me because I'm a selfish bastard.

I didn't get it back then, I had all the love I needed.. and I just threw that away.

I get it now. But it's too late.. isn't it?

Maybe if I can manage to make him talk to me..

My thoughts are interrupted when a familiar guy walks past me and my aunt.

“Good morning babe ” He says, heading towards Jude and kissing him on the cheek.

What the hell?! Jude and Nathan?

Jude throws an uncomfortable look into my direction, before turning his gaze towards the other guy, smiling softly.

“Hi Nathan”

“Connor, Lena is waiting for us” Aunt Jackie says.

Not now ,not now, I need to.. I can't walk away now.

“Come on.” she says, dragging me away towards Lena's office.

I turn my head, looking one last time at him.. and what surprises me is that his gaze never dislodged from mine.

“Shall we?” Nathan says, holding out his hand.

“Sure.” Jude says, throwing one last glance at me, before intertwining his fingers with Nathan's.

 

Lena is surprised. Of course she is.. I've been away for three months and a half.

“Well of course Connor.. I understand the circumstances that brought you to..”

“Run away” I cut her off “you can say that, it's facts.”  
“Connor.” My aunt warns me sharply.

“How are you?” Lena asks with gentle voice.

“I'm fine.”

She clearly doesn't believe it.

“Um.. you know, if you ever need to talk, we have an amazing counselor here..”

“I'm fine!”

“Connor.” My aunts repeats with the same warning tone.

“Can I wait outside?” I ask with a long suffering sigh.

Lena nods, and they both look at me with concerned expression on their faces as I'm heading out of the office.

I close my eyes, leaning against the wall outside of the office and I hear myself giving a loud sigh.

The image of Jude and Nathan holding hands keeps haunting my thoughts..

How delusional I was, thinking that every thing would have been the same? After three months gone, after all the unanswered calls..

“Connor!” a sharp voice makes me flinch.

I open my eyes and there's Daria standing in front of me, with a wide smile on her lips.

“Shouldn't you be in class?”

“Whoa.. Hello to you too” She says rolling her eyes.

“Where have you been?” She asks after getting no answer.

“Somewhere.”

“Whatever..” She snorts rolling her eyes. She's even more annoying than before.

She pulls a flyer out of her bag, giving it to me.

“There's a party tonight at Dynamite.. will you be there?”

“Um.. I don't think I can.”

She pouts, but then a wicked smile appears on his lips.

“Jude's gonna be there..” and then she adds with the same teasing tone “Don't you want to see him slut-dancing with his new boo?”

“I think I'll pass.”  
She shrugs with a smile.

“You don't know what you're missing Stevens.” She teases, before heading away.

 

My aunts gets out of Lena's office and throughout the ride home she keeps repeating that I'll have to improve my grades, passing tests to catch up with the other students.. and Lena offered to tutor me after school twice a week.

“You need to focus and not letting distractions getting in the way....”

Her words are fading as she keeps talking.. I want to improve my grades, I want to commit.. but right now, there's only one persistent thought crossing my mind.

“Connor are you listening to me?”

“Yes of course.. focus, not distracting.. yeah, sure”

 

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but.. this is against my own control.

I quietly get out of my bed, walking as quietly as possible out of the room.

When my aunt came into the room before going to bed, I just pulled up the cover till they covered my whole body except for my head.

I was completely dressed underneath.

Maybe I can manage to do this without getting caught.. the club isn't too far from here.

I manage to get downstairs ,and as I'm walking past my uncle's office.. I notice that the light is still on.

_Crap._

I stop on my track, peeking inside. He's standing with his back turned towards the door, and he's talking on the phone.

I take advantage of the situation, quickly stepping ahead.

He's not aware of my presence so he keeps talking loudly and I can still hear part of the conversation as I'm heading towards the front door.

“I.. I can't even look at him!” My uncle says in a harsh, frustrated tone.

“I know it was necessary..” He says.

“I don't know how long I can keep doing this..” He says, And then he closes the door of his office.

 

My uncle's words keep flowing through my mind, that was really weird..

But as soon as I get to the club, I shake my head determined to focus on one thing at the time.

First: Searching For Jude.

“Connor!” I know that voice.

“Hey Daria...”

“You made it!” She says with cheerful voice, handing me a glass filled with some strange blue liquid inside.

I shake my head, thanking her.

I don't care to sound so fucking desperate, I lean towards her ear, just because the music is too loud.

“Where's Jude?” She smiles, pointing out with her finger towards some group of people dancing not too far from us.

I feel my breath catching in my throat.

Jude is in between Nathan's arms, dancing and swinging at the sound of the music.

His eyes are closed as he lays into Nathan's arms. I feel my fists clenching, watching that bastard running his disgusting hands over Jude's legs and arms.

The awful feeling makes me want to throw up, He lifts up his gaze looking towards me and Daria and when a devious smirk spreads on his lips, all I want to do is going there and hit him in the face.

He smiles, laying kisses on Jude's neck, as he titles his head to the side giving him more access.

When he finally opens his eyes, he finally sees me.

He shifts a bit into Nathan's arms, keep moving against his body, sipping the same Blue liquid's drink Daria was drinking.

I let out a snort.

“Hurts isn't it?”

I slowly turn my face, looking at her in disbelief.

“Is this some kind of sick revenge, Daria?”

She looks at me with fake outrage written all over her face.

“Why would you think that, Connor?”

“You're such a bitch.”

She leans her face dangerously closer to mine, before whispering:

“And you're a manwhore ” She replies without missing a beat, and then she adds with voice mean and drunk: “You know... I was the one sending that pic to your father.”

That.. that sentence makes me feel like not having control of my actions anymore.

I just grab her glass from her hand.

“Hey!” She complains, but before realizing what's going on, the liquid ends up all over her face.

She gasps. I take a look around us and apparently we're the main entertainment right now.. even Jude is staring at us.

“Are you crazy?”

I shake my head in amusement.

“I'm not crazy. You're a bitch.. and you know what? You always play the virgin victim.. but you're the biggest whore. And you know what? You're the worst fuck I've ever had”

After that, I just turn around rushing outside. it's not worthy, staying here..

“Connor!”  
I keep walking, speeding up on my steps.

“Connor!”

I turn around and there's Jude running towards me. His face seems still cold like stone.. but his red puffed up eyes tell me all I need to know.

He slows down, until he's standing few feets away from me.

I want to reach out to him with my hand, but I don't think he'd let me.

“Jude..” I feel a knot in my throat, all I wanted to say just feel stucked inside.

I swallow down my insecurities, looking up at him. He still doesn't say a word, he seems fragile like I've never seen him in my entire life.

There's an awkward silence between us, and neither of us knows how to break it.

My brain is begging me to say something, to not waste any more occasions, to just open up myself to love and happiness, but then I see him standing there broken and vulnerable, realizing that I did that. I turned him into this mess.

“How are you?” He asks, and it doesn't seem like his voice anymore... so low and broken.

“I'm fine..”

“ _Seriously?”_ My mind screams _“just tell him how you feel!”_

“Listen Jude..”

“I can't.” He cuts me off, suddenly on the verge of tears, and that breaks my heart even more. “I'm sorry Connor, but I thought I could handle having this conversation with you but I can't.”

“Jude.. I know I've been a coward..”

“Your father died, you are not a coward! You just.. could have called me, or gave me an heads up.. I wanted to be there for you, I told you something on the roof remember?”

My heart clenches even more at the memory.

“I've never told those words to anyone else, Connor.” He wipes at his own tears, taking a step back..

No, no, no..

“those words meant that I was willing to be there with you in good and bad times, meant facing difficulties together, meant that you completely owned my heart.. you and nobody else.”

“M-Meant?”

He lowers down his gaze, taking deep breaths.

He's about to open his mouth to say something when Nathan's voice echoes throught the silence, interrupting our moment.

“Jude? Babe? You need a ride home?”

He turns around.

“Jude, don't.. please” I feel my whole body starts shaking by the fear of him leaving.

He looks at me, a sad smile on his lips.

“What?” he asks with a sigh.

“Don't leave with him” He doesn't move, even when I take a step forward towards him.

“Why?” He asks.

“You know why.”

Nathan is still looking at us from distance, but I don't give a crap.

I try to reach out with my hand, touching his arms.

I feel him trembling, but he doesn't dislodge my touch either.

He looks up at me and he asks again:

“Why?”  
“Because I don't want you to.”

He shakes his head, tears running down his cheeks.

“Jude..”

“It's not enough for me anymore” He says, looking at me pleadingly.

“Let me go, Connor.” I feel my heart sinking, but then he adds through a trembling breath “unless..”

“Unless?”  
“Give me a valid reason to not to.”

My heart starts hammering in my chest.

“I..”

Love you.

He sighs, closing his eyes in desperation.

“You hurted me so many times Connor..”

I'm aware of that.

“You still are.” He adds, opening his eyes.

“I need to know that it's worthy.. feeling so drained and consumed by the love for another person.”

“Three words” He says, his teary eyes looking into mine pleadingly “Eight letters.”

My heart is about to burst out of my chest.

I gulp down, watching him taking a step closer to me and cupping my face into his hands.

“Say it, and I'm yours”

I feel a constricting feeling in my chest, warmth spreading through my stomach, goosebumps running over my skin, a bright happy smile spreading on my lips.

He bursts out in histerical giggles, with tears still running down his cheeks.

“I love you” The long waited words finally comes out of my lips, and I feel like 10 pounds lighter.

Happiness spreads through my entire body. My heart is literally about to explode. He gasps, and then the brighest widest smile appears on his lips.

“I.. Can't believe you..” He breathes out. ”You.. Just said it”

I give him a nod, biting my lips from smiling too widely.

“I love you too” He replies, shaking his head in disbielief, before connecting his lips with mine.

My hands lace behind his neck, pulling him closer.

“I love you” He laughs against my lips, wrapping his arms around my waist.  
And then I say it again, and again, and again.. until he shuts me up in the sweetest way possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehe the three magic words finally came out of Connor's lips :D  
> This chapter was a monster for me for a couple of reasons.. one in particular because I wrote it after a week off from this story so I felt a little rusty writing it again, also because it has a very special part in the end so.. I hope it was worth the pain LOL.  
> Thank you for every one reading and commenting :) means a lot!  
> Hope you liked this!  
> Every comment is highly appreciated :)  
> Ps: Before feeling sorry about Nathan.. Wait for it lol


	24. You and me against the world.

Jude's POV.

 

“Good morning.”

“Good morning son.” My mom greets me with her impeccable detached voice.

“Where is everyone?” I ask her, sitting down at the table for breakfast.

She lifts her eyes from the newspaper she's reading, looking at me through her reading glasses.

“Mama had a early meeting at school, Jesus had practice with the wrestling team, Mariana is busy with her internship in LA.”

I give her a nod.

“So.. it's just us.”

“Yeah, it looks that way.”

She clears her throat, putting down the paper, focusing her gaze on me.

“So.. how's it going?”

I give her a look.

“How's it going?”

She lets out a laugh.

“How's it going with school and.. boys drama.”

Oh, there she is.

“You want to know if I have a boyfriend?”

She shrugs, smiling.

“School's fine..” She gives a nod.

“Did you have a good time at that party last night?” She asks then, and I feel my cheeks blushing at the thought.

That's a understatement because I had more than just a good time. It has been the best night of my life.

“It was cool.”

She's clearly getting impatient, I can see it from how she's rolling her eyes in this moment.

“I Just want to have a nice conversation with my son.” She complains, and I hear a short laugh coming out of my lips.

“Well, I'm sorry if I don't feel the need to share every single detail of my life with someone that barely lives in this house.”

She doesn't reply, she looks at me like I've just peed in her precious peonies.

“Excuse me if I have to work to sustain this family, Jude Adams Foster.” And then she adds with a sharp tone “I've never heard you complaining about this lifestyle, Jude.”

“Whatever.” She doesn't understand, and she never will.. it's useless keep this conversation going any further.

I feel my phone buzzing and I pull it out of my pocket, reading a text from Connor.

“Do you need a ride? :)”

With a wide smile I type back my reply, then I get up from my seat grabbing my messanger bag.

“Do you need a ride for school? I'll call Paul.”  
I shake my head, pressing the button of the elevator.

“No thanks.”

 

The elevator's door slide open and I'm greeted with the most beautiful boy in the world.

“Hi.”

I don't give him a reply, I just throw myself in his arms.

“Hey.”

I feel my heart full and heavy inside of my chest.

The both of us not giving a crap about the people that needs to use the elevator as we're holding in each other's arm in the lobby.

We pull away and he smiles at me caressing my cheek.

I unconsciously let out a happy sigh, this still feels like a dream.

“Shall we?” He says, holding out his hand. I gladly accept it, and with intertwined fingers we head towards his driver's car.

The moment we get inside of the car, he grabs me by my hips pulling me on top of him.

“Woah, Stevens. You don't waste time.”

He laughs, kissing me on the lips with the brightest smile I've ever seen on his face.

He wraps his arms around my waist, looking at me like I'm the sun.

“What?” I have to ask.

He shakes his head, smiling.

“I just love you.”  
I feel my whole body on fire, and my lips tugging up in a smile.

“I love you too.”

I have the feeling that we're going to be one of these sickening couple saying I Love you's every five seconds. Not that I'm complaining, at all.

“Are you ready to face the entire school?” He asks with a frown, and then he adds. “..And Nathan.”

His gorgeous smile fade a little and I feel myself giving a short intake of breath.

I don't want him to feel guilty or unsure about my decision.

I chose him, I will ever choose him.

“I don't care about anyone but you and me.” He smiles at my choice of words, he seems more calm.

I am not, though.

I'm secretly freaking out to be honest. I've never been happier, but I'm aware that what I did to Nathan wasn't cool. At all.

Kissing the guy you dreamed of your entire life, in front of the guy you apparently used to get over the guy number 1 is the lowest of the low.

But throughout my entire life I never felt so complete and happy like I was last night, Like I am right now.

We get to school, and I look at him one last time before opening the door.

“We got this.”

He nods, laying a kiss on my cheek before getting out the car. As soon as we step outside, we're the main subject of gossip. Everyone is staring at us.

“Come on.” this time I am the one holding out my hand. He smiles, holding it tightly as we walk towards the school's entry.

I'm used to be stared at, but this it's totally uncomfortable.

People laughing and chatting, stop on their actions to look at us and our intertwined fingers.

I feel Connor's grip on my hand tightening as we walk past Daria, who's Looking at us with mouth wide open. I give her a fake smile from over my shoulder. _That bitch._

Taylor is waiting as usual near my locker with Maddie and a new minion, she doesn't seem aware of our presence.

Maddie notices and she clears her throat as soon as we stepped in front of them.

“Good morning.”

Taylor lifts up her eyes from her phone, and her mouth opens widely. She isn't subtle, at all.

Her gaze lowers down to our hands, and she lifts up her eyebrow in confusion.

“Can I talk to you?” She spats out, looking directly in my eyes.

“Sure.”

We take a few step away from the three of them, Connor looks at me uncomfortably as the new minion stares with dreamy eyes.

“I don't get you.” She spats out with a sarcastic laugh.

She doesn't even let me talking or explaining, she keeps going on and on..

“How can you? After what he put you through... You seemed happy with Nathan.”

“Taylor, please..” The anger on her face quickly fades away. She's now looking at me like I'm some fragile flower who needs protection.

“I'm tired of watching you getting hurt.” She states, quickly glancing over at Connor.

“Then, support me.” She seems hesitant, she gives a loud sigh before hugging me.

“I will always support you.. that doesn't mean I will always approve your choises..”  
Her words hurt, but I guess.. it only takes time. Not that I need her blessing, I already made my decision, but I was hoping in her support.

“Let's go..” She sighs, pulling away. “Your boyfriend is waiting for you.”

My boyfriend is indeed waiting for me, near my locker.

“ _Boyfriend”_

I come closer to him with a grin on my face.

“What's that smile?” He asks.

“He was probably having dirty thoughts about you.” Taylor replies dryly.

“I'm going to class.. I guess, I'll see you both at lunch.” She says with a fake, strained smile on her lips, before heading to class.

“I'm sorry...”

Connor shakes his head, holding my hand.

“Don't worry about it.. I think you should have lunch with your friends .” He says.”I'll have lunch with the guys.”

“Are you sure?”

He nods, smiling.

“I need to go talk with Lena about the tutoring lessons before class, I'll see you later. Okay?”

I give him a nod and he turns around heading towards Lena's office. Then he suddenly stops on his tracks, turning around and rushing back towards me.

“Wh-”

I don't get to finish my sentence, because he cups my face into his hands sealing his lips to mine.

“See you later.” He smiles, before pulling away.

I watch him walking away with a stupid grin on my face. I shake my head and then when I turn around I come to an abrupt stop.

“What th-”

“Aww... what a cute couple!”

I roll my eyes, trying to walk past him. He doesn't let me.

“Get out of my way, Nathan.”

He laughs loudly, and by his proximity and his heavy breath on my face I can tell he's drunk. He grabs me by my arm, and I give a look around realizing that we're the only two people in the hallways.

“Let me go!” He shuts me up with his hand on my mouth, dragging me to God Knows where.

I try to shake off his grip, but he's stronger than me.

He drags me into the familiar Janitor closet, locking the door behind us.

 


	25. I'm holding out for a hero.

Jude's Pov.

 

The moment he takes off his disgusting hand off my mouth, I let out a scream.

He quickly rushes towards me, pushing me against the wall.

“Shut the fuck up.” He groans, and I feel my body shaking.

This guy has serious issues, he doesn't think twice before making a move.

“W-what are you going to do to me? You want to beat me up?!”  
He laughs, pulling away.

I keep standing with my body pressed against the wall for support. I don't dare to move, I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket.

“What is this sound?” He asks, looking around himself. Then he looks back at me.

“I hope you had fun playing with my feelings, J.” He laughs, taking few steps towards me.

“ You know..” He says, caressing my cheeks, and his sticky touch makes me nauseous. “I'm not some of your minions, that you can use whenever you please..” His breath stinks. I'm gonna throw up.

“N-Nathan.. let me go, now.”

He laughs loudly, throwing his head backwards.

“You're hilarious.” His face turns into stone. He looks at me, like I'm the most disgusting thing in the entire world.

“You need help.”

“You used me!” He yells, slamming his fists against the wall, just at the side of my head.

My breath gets stuck somewhere in my throat, as my eyes widen for the shock.

“You used me the first time to make that prick jealous, and you used me the second time just because he wasn't here!”

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I reopen it, and he's still staring at me with disgust on his face.

“I'm sorry, Nathan.”

I feel tears rushing down my cheeks.

“I-I'm sorry, I treated you like that.. It was wrong, and I feel so freaking bad about that.”

He looks at me, and I notice that his anger has turned into emptiness, apathy.. His face is blank.

“Y-You deserve better..” _No you don't._

“You don't deserve me.” _You wish, ass._

“You will find some” _Psyco_ “.. amazing person just like you.”

He nods, giving a smile.

“Thank you, Jude.” He says.

This person is unstable, and I need to get out of here as soon as possible.

We suddenly hear someone trying to open the door from the outside, the door's handle is moving but is lock from the inside.

“Who's in there?” A man's voice asks from the outside. Nathan puts his hand on my mouth.

“Shh..” He whispers, lifting up his finger to his lips.

I nod, feeling my heart beating fast into my chest.

Suddenly, he shifts his gaze from me to the door, focusing on listening the noises coming from outside.

“ _Now or never”._

I feel my breath short and uneven against his hand and before losing the occasion, my foot lifts up and I kick him  hard and sharp.

“Fuck!!!!” He screams, bending down, putting his hands on his crotch.

I give him a push, and he falls down landing with his butt on the floor.

I take few steps, rushing towards the door, unlocking it.

The janitor, the man who was trying to open the door, looks at me speechless.

His lips parted in shock.  
“Are you okay?” He asks, and then he comes into the room gasping at Nathan, bent down on the floor.

I stand outside of the room, resting with my back against the wall until my body slides down, until I'm sitting on the floor.

The janitor calls Lena and principal Monte.

“Jude.” Lena gasps as soon as she sees me, sitting on the floor. She crouches down in front of me, holding my face into her hands.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

I just nod, throwing myself into her arms sobbing and crying against her shoulder.

She keeps holding me until I calm down, feeling soothed by her warmth.

“Shh.. It's okay, you're okay.”

I nod against her shoulder, and then she pulls away to look at me.

“I don't want him here, in this school.” I say.  
“Come on” She says, getting up and throwing a glance at Monte talking to Nathan.

“We'll talk into the office.”

 

Telling them everything isn't easy, because it means replaying the events of this morning.

I feel the words stucked in my throat, and my eyes glistening with tears once again as I'm telling them about Nathan's harassment towards me.

He keep sitting in complete silence, he doesn't flinch or blink or breath apparently. He keeps staring into space, and he freaks me out even more.

“Nathan.” Monte says, trying to get his attention.

No answer.

“Nathan!” Lena says raising her voice.  
He doesn't blink.

Lena and Monte exchanges a look, before telling me to wait outside.

“Mom is coming to get you” Lena says.

I get out of the room, leaving the two of them with Nathan.

I pull out my phone, staring at the unread texts from Connor, worried because I wasn't in class.

I quickly type my reply.

To Connor: "I'm waiting for my mother to come and get me. I'll talk to you later."

He doesn't answer, but he shows up after few minutes.

“Jude!”  
I flinch at the sudden voice, watching him rushing towards me.

He pulls me into his arms, and then I start sobbing again, against his chest.

“What happened?!” He asks with voice worried and scared.

“Are you okay?” He pulls away, holding my face into his hands.

I Shake my head, resting my head against his shoulder as his hands slowly caress my hair.

With voice low and broken I tell him what happened, and never in my entire life I've seen his eyes becoming so dark with anger.

“Where is he?” he asks, trying to keep his voice calm, even though his fists are clenched and his shoulders are tense.

My eyes widen, holding his arms.

“No, Connor.. please, it's over.”

He lets out a broken sob out of his throat.

“He hurted you.” he says “How can you ask me to not break his face?”

“I'm fine..”

He hugs me and his warmth makes me feel safe.

The door opens and Nathan comes out, followed by Lena and Monte.

I feel Connor's hands clenching as the asshole walks past us, throwing a scornful gaze towards us.

“Con.”  
I feel his hand relaxing into mine, and he lets out a loud sigh.

“Shouldn't you be in class?” Lena asks Connor, throwing a quick glance at our hands.

“He was worried..” Lena looks at me, and a hint of smile appears on her lips.

“That's very kind of you, Connor.”

He nods, blushing.

“Jude!”

My mom is running through the entry, I dislosdge my hand from Connor's before she wraps me in a tight hug.

“Mom.”

She sobs, caressing my hair.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes..”

_I will be._

She pulls away, and then she looks at me. In her eyes there's something different. For the first time she doesn't look at me like I'm her achievement but she's looking at me with huge, scared, loving eyes.

She looks at me like I'm the most important thing. It's a look I've missed every single day of my life.

“I Love you mom.”  
She sobs, kissing my cheek.

“I love you too honey.”

Lena looks at us with proud, teary eyes while Connor, yeah is smiling too, but it looks like a sad kind of smile.

Like the realization that he wont live moments like these anymore. And that, among all the things, makes me realize that I'm too harsh on my mom.

“Come on, love.. I'll take you home.”

I nod, before pulling away. She kisses my mom goodbye, and then she gestures me to go.

“Mom, wait.”

I come closer to Connor, wrapping my arms around him. He quickly returns the hug, whispering in my ear.

“Your moms are staring.”

I let out a laugh into his neck.

“I'm just hugging my boyfriend.”

He lets out a short giggle, kissing me on my cheek.

I pull away from him, softly kissing him on the lips, before going out of the building.

“So..” Mom says with a teasing tone. “About boy's drama...”

I let out a laugh.

“The drama is over.” She smiles at my choice of words.

“You asked me about my boyfriend..” she nods “You just met him.”

“Oh, I don't think so sweetie..”

I lift up an eyebrow in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You'll invite him to dinner, so that me and mama can get to know him as the guy that stole your heart.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The credits for the title of this chapter go to Marcus xD


	26. Awkward family dinner.

Connor's Pov.

  
“So.. you're kinda invited for dinner” Jude says once I pick up the phone.

“Oh.”

“yeah..” He says “My moms want to get to know you.”

“Um.. they already know me.”

Jude lets out an adorable giggle.

“Yes.. but they want to know you as my..”

I feel my lips tugging upwards.

“As yours?”  
“Connor.” He complains with voice low and sweet, probably with a pout on his plump lips. “You know it.”

“No, I don't.. please enlighten me.”

He snorts.

“I hate you.” I can imagine an adorable blush on his cheeks.

“No you don't.” I reply, grinning like an idiot. “You totally love me, come on.. say it.”

“okay..” He laughs “They want to get to know you as my boyfriend.”

It's the second time I feel waves of warmth and affection spreading through my body, hearing him referring to me as "His boyfriend".

“Are you there?” He asks with a teasing voice. “I definitely made you melt into a puddle, admit it.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” I give a snort “ There's something I should know before this formal meeting?”

He gives a loud laugh.

“Why formal? It's just dinner with my moms.. "

“Um.. have you meet your mom?”  
He lets out a surprised gasp.

“Lena is sweeter than a honeycomb” He points out, giggling.

“I wasn't really referring to Lena...”

He starts laughing.

“Jude, please stop mocking me.”

“Are you seriously scared of my mother?” he asks, voice strangely filled with surprise.

“Can you blame me?” I retort, giving a snort “ She will eat me alive.”

“You're such a drama queen.” He says “ Everything will be okay.”

I'm freaking out; Stef scares the hell out of me.

“Why are you so scared? You have nothing to worry about. You're perfect.”

Despite the fluttering feelings settling in my chest hearing him saying those words, it doesn't help.

“I might be perfect, which I'm not for the record.” He snorts, and I can easily imagine him rolling his eyes “...But you're her masterpiece, don't you think she will nit-pick about me throughout the whole dinner ?”

“Connor.” He says with stern voice.

“Yeah?”

“Stop. Freaking. Out.” He laughs putting emphasis on each words “I will be there with you, I wont leave you alone swimming with the sharks. I promise.”

“Okay” I breathe out. When did I become such a drama queen? Jesus.

“I'll see you tonight then.”

My eyes widen.  
“Wait, it's tonight?”  
“Bye, Love you.” He says, before hanging up the phonecall.

Damn Jude.

 

The rest of the day flies in the blink of an eye.

My aunt keeps smiling at me, telling me how handsome I look.

I give a shrug, looking at my reflection.

Not a big deal, that's what I kept telling myself all morning. It's just a dinner with my boyfriend's moms. Not a big deal.

“Are you ready?” I nod, letting out a sigh and getting out of the house.

I will totally ignore the anxiety rising through my stomach, and the costant buzzing of my phone inside of my pocket.

I give a sigh, taking it out declining as usual the incoming call, like I've always done since I've came back home.

 

“Hey, Con.” Jude greets me with a huge smile on his face.

“Hey, Jude.” His smile deepens at the familiar reference.

“Come inside.” He gestures me to come in, and as soon as I take a step inside I'm welcomed by his moms.

“Hello Connor.” Lena greets me with a smile that strangely makes me feel more at ease.

“Good evening Mrs. Adam Foster.”

“You can call me Lena, Connor.”

I give her a nod, shifting my gaze towards the other woman standing next to her.

“Hello, young man.” Stef greets me, with definitely less warmth in her voice than Lena's.

We head into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

The air is clearly tense and almost suffocating. Maybe because, Stef keeps looking at me intensely, or because Jude doesn't do anything to make me feel more comfortable.

At some point I feel him, taking my hand in his, intertwining our fingers together.

“So, Connor..” Stef says at some point, looking at me with her cold, stale expression.

“Yes?”

“Tell me a bit about yourself.” She smiles, and for strange reasons her smile doesn't comfort me. It does the opposite to be honest. It freaks me out even more.

Why does it feel like a job interview? I don't need to apply to be her son's boyfriend. I already am.

“Mom..” Jude whines, looking at her with a pleading look.

“What? I just want to know better the guy who stole my son's heart.” She replies, giving a smirk.

I can feel my cheeks blushing.

“How are things at your aunt's place, Connor?” Lena asks, trying to shift the subject. I feel immensely grateful towards her.

“Everything is good.” I breathe out, feeling my throat getting dry.

Such a way with words, Stevens.

Jude's hold on my hand tightens and when I look at him, he's looking back at me with his loving, supportive expression.

God, I want to kiss him. I bet Mrs. Adam Foster will definitely not approve.

“You want something to drink, Connor?” Stef asks me innocently, gesturing towards the liquors in the chrystal cabinet. She's testing me.

“Just a glass of water, thank you.”

She nods, getting up from the couch, probably heading towards the kitchen.

“I'll be right back.” Lena announces, following her wife.

As soon as they are both out of sight, Jude cups my face into his hands.

“Wh-”

his lips collide with mine in a chaste, light kiss that in its innocence its still capable of taking my breath away.

He pulls away, slowly opening his eyes as he brushes his nose with mine.

“Jude what..?”

He smiles.

“I thought you could have used some support.” He states with a smirk on his lips.

“Thank you.” He nods as I gently rest my hand on his hips.

“I told you.. You don't need to be scared of my mom.. I will still love you when you'll be banished from this house.” He says in a jokingly tone. It helps though.

Both of Jude's mothers step into the room, noticing how Jude has shifted closer to me on the couch during their absence, and he's now resting with his head against my shoulder.

Jude's words starts echoing through my head, so I feel bold enough to lift up my arm, wrapping it around his shoulder. He smiles, snuggling closer to me.

“Thank you, Stef.”

She blinks few times. She looks taken aback from my sudden self confidence. But Jude is right, I don't need to be afraid of them. I wont hurt their son, never.

She doesn't say anything, she just hands me the glass of water and then she sits back on the couch.

 

“Everything is delicious Mrs. Adam Foster.”

“I told you to call me Lena, Connor.” She says with her usual smile “But Stef cooked for the occasion.”

I feel my lips part in surprise, and then tugging up in a smile, shifting my gaze to her wife.

Before I have the chance to speak, she cuts me off.

“Thank you, Connor.”

Oh.. is.. that a smile? She's smiling to me!

Jude notices the look of pure surprise on my face, and he starts giggling.

“Jude?”

He shakes his head, keep laughing. Everyone is now staring at him.

“I'm sorry...”  
“What's the matter Jude?” Stef asks with furrowed eyebrows, confusion written all over her face.

Even Lena is looking at him with a confused frown. My boyfriend has gone crazy.

“It's just.. this tension is driving me crazy.”  
My mouth is agape, no.. please Jude, don't you fucking dare.

“What tension?” Stef asks, looking more confused than before.

“Okay..” Jude says, sobering up. My hands slides under the table grabbing his, in a tight grip.

Don't you dare, Jude Adam Foster.

“Connor is scared of you.” Jude announces, looking straight at his mother, totally ignoring my grip underneath the table.

Stef's eyes widen, shifting all of her attention on me.

I hate Jude Adam Foster, I swear.

“Is it true, Connor?” Stef asks with a softer voice.

“Go with the truth” My mind suggests me.

“Well.. you're kind of intimidating.” Her eyes widen, looking seriously at me.

Okay.. that's it. I'll be kicked out. They will need to lead me out though, because this house is basically a labyrint.

She gives a sigh, shaking her head.

“I'm not the one of those kind of psyco moms that make decisions for their child” She says after a while, her voice sharp and sarcastic.

“Y-Yeah, of course..” and here we go, all my confidence starts to crack like a castle of sand.

“My son's happiness is the most important thing for me.” She says, still glaring at me.

“I know.. And I'm really determined to make him happy as much as I can.”

I feel Jude's warm gaze on me and his hands gripping tightly on mine.

“You seem like a smart young man, Connor Stevens.” She says.

“I am.”

“So I'm confident you're smart enough to not break my son's heart. Ever.”

“Mom.”

She shifts her gaze to her son.

“Cool down. I'm saying that I like him.”

“It doesn't feel it that way.”

She laughs.

“He has to know the consequences if he breaks your heart.”

“Stef.” Jude's mom warns her with a stern look.

“No.. it's okay, you're perfectly right Mrs. Adam Foster.” I tell her “I love your son.” I hear Jude giving a surprised gasp followed by an adorable giggle.

“I'm proud of being his boyfriend..” I continue “And I know I've screwed up in the past..”  
I let out a deep breath, thinking about the phone calls I've been receiving lately..

“... but I've changed.. and I will never hurt him again.”  
“Okay, Okay..I got what you're trying to say ” Stef says, cutting me off and letting out a laugh.

“I think that's enough, my son is about to melt in any seconds..”

“That's not true!” Jude whines, red in the face.

“Oh come on Jude..” Stef says, giving him a look “The moment he said 'I love your son' you were drooling and you were looking at him with heart eyes.”

“That's not true... don't believe her!” Jude says, addressing to me.

“Oh, I think I will Jude.” he blushes even more.

 

 

After eating dessert we both get up from the table, Jude leading me by my hand towards his room.  
“Door stays open!” His mom warns us, Jude just rolls his eyes.

I hear the familiar buzzing in my pants, and not only because we're gonna be alone in his room.

“What's wrong?” Jude asks, noticing my expression.

“Umm, I have to take this call. I'll be right back.” he nods, sitting down on his bed.

I head outside of his room, standing in the hallway.

“Hello?”  
The voice from the other side makes me feel sick in the stomach.

“I told you, you need to stop calling me.”  
The voice insists rambling on and on and on, and I'm not even listening anymore.

“Delete my number.”

I hang up the phone call.

 

“Hey.” Jude smiles, still sitting on his bed.

“Hey beautiful.” He pulls me on his lap, not wasting any minute.

“I love you” He manages to moan, between fervent kisses.

“I Love you too.” I reply, as my lips run down on his neck.

He pushes up with his hips, as my hand trails down underneath his shirt, creating some delicious friction.

“The door is open.” I remind him, when he starts rubbing and moaning louder against me.

“I don't give a fuck.” He says, eliciting a small laugh out of my lips.

“Way to make me dislike by your moms, man.”

He moans, sliding his hand underneath my shirt running free over my chest.

“Something is telling me that you're liking this, though.” he retorts sassily, rubbing harshly against the bulge in my pants.

“Jude, fuck.”

He smirks mischievously, before pulling down the zipper of my pants.

“Dude, Seriously?”

“You need a reward.” my dick twitches with interest.

“Am I?” He shifts our position, climbing on top of me and pinning my wrists to the bed.

“Yes..” He says, sliding lower on my body, his burning gaze fixed on my eyes.

“You told my moms all those brave things..” He says, pulling down my pants.

The sudden touch of his hands against my bulge, makes me feel waves of arousal settling in my lower stomach.

“So brave..” I repeat after him.

“And so sweet..” I just nod, closing my eyes as he slids down my brief.

“Yes.. I definitely need a reward.”

He smirks, looking over at me through his long eyelashes before closing his eyes and his mouth at the same time.

 


	27. I was born in a thunderstorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter from the song : "Alive" By Sia.

Jude's POV.

 

It's great. Everything is back to normal, In a better way than before.

I'm the most popular kid at school, everyone is intimidated by me, Nathan has been expelled, Daria is hiding in the shadows, and I'm happily in love with Connor Stevens. Everything is blissful and perfect, until it lasts.

 

“Good morning.”  
“Hey J.” Taylor greets me with a smile. She cooled down since I've openly started dating Connor.

We had a wholehearted talk and she admitted she had overreacted and if Connor makes me happy, then she's happy.

The new minion Sofia, quickly grabs my books, as we walk towards class.

“So.. where's you boo?” Taylor asks with a teasing pitch in her voice.

“He had to take care of something at his aunt's house..” I just leave it that. Connor told me more but I want to be discreet about all of this mess.

Truth to be told, I'm a bit anxious. There are news Connor's dad murder. He didn't mention anything else but he seemed shaken when we talked on the phone yesterday.

  
_“I.. think something is off about this, Jude.”  
“W-what do you mean, Connor?”_

“ _The police is going to inspect my aunt's house.”_  
“What?! Why?”  
“I don't know.. I was eavesdropping their conversation, sitting on the staircase. They wouldn't tell me but.. I think my relatives have something to do with Adam's death.”

 

That, my friends, is what I love to call major drama coming.

 

Connor doesn't show up at school and I spend the whole lunch break staring blanky into space.

I feel my phone buzzing and I quickly take it ouf of my pocket, getting up from the lunch table.

“Con?”  
“Jude..” My heart clenches instantly. He's crying.

“What happened?”

He sobs, trying to utter the words out of his lips.

“Connor.. Baby, you're scaring me..”  
“Please.. come over after school. I need you.”

In this moment I know that I shouldn't be running out of the building, but I am. Damned the consequences. I can't focus knowing that Connor is a mess.

In ten minutes I'm out of his aunt's house, I head towards the front door trying to catch my breath.

I'm panting, and my heart is literally about to burst.

I knock few times and no one opens the door, until after few minutes his aunt finally does. She Stares at me in shock. Her cheeks are red and scratched by the tears. Her usually warm eyes are now empty and teary.

“Jude.. this is not really a good time.” She says.  
“Jude!” Connor's voice comes through the room and in few seconds he walks past his aunt, throwing himself in my arms.

“Hey... Shh.. Con.” He cries endlessly against my neck, wrapping his arms around me like I'm his salvation.

My hand tangles in his hair, sofly caressing the locks.  
His aunt lets out a sob, wiping at her eyes before leaving us alone, wrapped in each other's arms in the entryhall.

 

We move to his room, he doesn't say anything beside holding my hands tightly.

He lays down gesturing me to join him on his bed.

As soon as I lay down with him, his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me close to his body.

My hands lift up to his face gently caressing his cheek, occasionally wiping his tears.

“H-he killed him.” He breathes out, sobbing.

“W-who? Connor who killed him?”

He closes his eyes, letting out a sharp breath.

“My uncle.” He replies with voice low and broken.

I suddenly feel the air leaving my lungs, It can't be true. I feel my lips parting in shock and my eyes widening even further.

“Oh God, Connor..”  
He opens his eyes, and seeing his eyes so empty makes me feel like I'm dying. I'm literally out of breath in this moment.  
I notice how Connor is struggling to let the words out trying to elaborate and right now, I don't need it if he's not ready.

“Con... don't.. if you're not ready, I don't need to know.”

He shakes his head, letting out a deep breath.

“No.. I feel like if I don't take it all off my chest, I'm not gonna be able to breathe.” He whispers:

“I feel like my lungs are constricting.”

“I'm here for you..”

He gives a weak smile, kissing me on my cheek.

“I just recently discovered that my uncle and father always loathed each other. My grandfather despised and disowned my uncle because he married a laid off, simply, broke girl. So he left all his legacy to Adam.”

My body is trembling for the rage. Connor never deserved any of this. I feel so shaken and angry.

I feel my fists clenching, I'm about to say something when Connor goes on.

“My uncle..” Connor inhales deeply “He bribed the doorman, the night before we went to my house. He said he would have given to him half millions of dollars to keep his mouth shut.”

I let out a distressful, broken moan out of my throat.

“He made him delete all the surveillances video of that night.” He goes on. His voice seems empty and low.

“He wasn't alone though in all of this.” he says. “He's been controlled like a puppet by someone else.”

“How do you know that?”

He looks straight into my eyes, before saying:  
“That night I came to the club.. I heard him talking on the phone with someone.. saying that It was necessary and he couldn't do it for so long.”

“Maybe he was referring to something else..” Connor shakes his head.

“No. Jude. Something is off.. in all of this mess.” Connor says firmly. “And I'm gonna find out what it is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember that time Jude said :"The drama is finally over." ? LOL.


	28. Party planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No.. you're not hallucinating. this update is truly happening LOL.

Jude's pov.

 

I'm not sure If I should say it, because it's scientifically proven that whenever you say that everything is going okay then the shitstorms is coming your way. So i'll avoid to say it, because I don't want to jinx it.. “things are not going bad.” Let's leave it at that.

It's been two weeks and finally Connor seems to be adapting to his new reality. Both me and her aunt convinced him to let go all the crazy things that happened in the past. He's safe now, living with his aunt and cousin. Open and proud about how he is, just like he's suppose to.

There are still moments when he dazes off completely, lost in his thoughts.. but I think that what happened to him will haunt him for a very long time, he just needs to understand that now he's in a better place, finally free from that monster of his father who couldn't accept that his son is in love with a boy.

There's a romantic vibe surrounding me, maybe it's due to Connor's birthday approaching.. I feel my skin buzzing with excitement. I won't let anything and anyone ruining this special occasion. After all he's gone through, He deserves some happiness and I'm going to give it to him. speaking of.. "Hey handsome.” He smiles, looking up as he's leaning against my locker. His bright smile hits me like a kick in the stomach, it's so bright and freaking adorable and makes my heart full.

“Morning sunshine.” He laughs, with fake mock filling his voice as his hand lifts up, lacing behind my neck and pulling me in a deep kiss.

I can't help but smile into our kiss, lacing my arms around his neck as he pulls me even closer.

“I missed you.” he whispers in my ear as I hide my face into the crook of his neck, sniffing the intoxicating smell of his cologne.. it's so good that makes me feel all dizzy.

“Are you sniffing me again?”

I give a spontaneous laugh, because It's something I'm doing a lot lately.. must be the new fragrance. “It's just.. so good.”

“I noticed.. since you can't stay away from me, lately.” He pouts as he lays a kiss behind my ear, eliciting a short intake of breath out of my lips.

“Yeah..” I roll my eyes with fake annoyance, eyeing all the goods that make Connor Stevens the perfect man. “ Must be the cologne. speaking of..” I narrow my eyes, trying to act casual. “How is that called again?”  
He rolls his eyes, shaking his head in amusement as his hand start drawing circles on my back. “You're hopeless.” He gives a soft laugh that makes me feel butterflies fluttering through my stomach. “I told you a thousand times, It's Sauvage by Dior.”

“Sauvage..” I nod my head. “Got it, thanks.” He smiles, leaning in for another kiss when we hear someone very familiar clearing her throat. “Get a room, you two.”

Connor pulls away, turning around with an amused smirk on her lips. “I wish.” I slap him jokingly on his arm as Taylor rolls her eyes.

“Okay.. I Have to go meeting with the guys from the football team.” He says and before kissing me, he turns his face towards Taylor one more time. “It's all yours.” his tone is so light and teasing. I love it.

She lets out an amused snort, impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. “Yeah.. Like he'll stop talking about you from the moment you get your ass to class.”  
Connor laughs loudly, wrapping his arms around my waist. “I'm always counting on that.” He leans in, gently connecting our lips and as usual I feel my heart beating with vigour inside of my chest. “I'll see you later.”  
“Okay..”  
He pulls away and I feel shivers of cold, running over my skin at the sudden lack of his warmth. He's still holding my hand when Daria walks past us, eyeing with disdain the affectionate gesture.

“I love you.” He says, kissing me on my cheek. Daria is still looking at us through the corner of her eyes when I say to him, with voice louder than necessary. “I love you too baby.”

The moment he leaves, I turn around facing my three bitches with a dead serious expression on my face.

“Okay ladies, Open up your ears and listen carefully to what I'm going to say.”

I feel a satisfied smirk spreading on my lips when the three of them are freezed on their spot, literally eating out of my hands. “Connor's birthday is on saturday so I need you to help me into making this one the most memorable one.”

“Taylor, you're in charge of searching the perfect venue.” she nods her head, cracking a smile. “Sure J.”

“Maddie, you're on the decorations.”

My gaze falls on the new minion who's looking at me expectantly, waiting for her assignement. I take few steps towards her, feeling her writhing under my penetrant gaze. I don't know her that well, she's so small and scared.. Can I trust her on this? I won't allow any screw up. This will be Connor's best birthday party yet.  
“New minion.” She lifts up her head, straightening up as she clears her throat. “ Y-yeah?”  
“You'll be following me, We'll take care of the rest of it.” She nods her head, cracking a weak smile. “S-sure J.”

“Perfect.. now I have to go to class but we'll stay in touch.” They all nods, before we all go on separate ways.

Taylor follows me, rushing after me down the hallways. “Jude! Wait up.”

“Hey, what's up?”

She walks by my side, catching on her breath as she asks. “Do you really want to plan a bash for Connor's birthday?”  
I roll my eyes at her choice of words. “Not a _bash._ Guests will be selected and there will be a list to get in.”

She snorts slightly, letting out an amused giggle. “You know that he just wants to be with you on his birthday right?”

"He's going to be _with me_.” I'm pretty sure she has heard the unspoken “Duh” filling my voice.  
“... and fifty more people.” She adds with a roll of her eyes. “Connor doesn't need that.”

“Taylor, I know my boyfriend.” She part her lips ready to counter that, but my voice cuts her off. “He'd spent all of his birthdays with that bastard of Adam. I just want to finally give him a good memory of his birthday. His sweet sixteen is a big deal.”

“You do realize that it will cost you a lot of money, right?”  
I raise my eyebrow looking at her with an amused smirk on my lips. “You realize that I'm filthy rich right?”

“Yeah.. I know that.” She says. “I just want you to be sure of what you're doing.”  
“Connor's worthy.” She smiles at the firm edge in my voice, letting out a relaxed sigh. “Well.. okay then, let's make this happen.”  
“This will be the best birthday party of his life.”

 


	29. Not so happy- birthday to you.

 

Jude's Pov.

I know what y'all thinking. Pretending that I've forgotten about Connor's birthday is a epic jerk move -- my most epic jerk move, might I add --but I swear I'll make it up to him as soon as the party is over, if you know what I mean..

I'll just try to act casual and avoid him like the plague for the entire day because I know that once he'll realize that I've forgotten about his birthday, he will start looking at me with those eyes filled with with hurt and disappointment and I can totally expect a prominent pout to creep upon his lips, and I already know that I'll lose it. Yeah, my chest will be so crashed with guilt that I'll probably spill the whole thing. So yeah, Connor Stevens needs to stay away from me today, at least until tonight. That was my plan. It was until this.

"Jude!" My eyes flutter close at the sound of his soft voice calling me in the hallways. I turn around as he approaches me. Oh God, that smile.... How the hell I'm suppose to spoil that happiness on his face? Look at him. He looks like a eager puppy. He's so freaking excited.

_Okay Jude, don't act suspicious, Just smile... Smile! not that constipated kind of smile. He's gonna noticed, oh.. His face is falling. Shit. He has noticed._

"Hey, you alright?" My pulse speed up as his smile turns into a frown. I have to come up with something clever to say, in this right fucking moment. He looks at me with a puzzled expression on his face as he takes my hand. My eyelids close heavily at his touch, cursing myself under my breath for being such a mess.

"Yeah." The strained laugh slipping out of my lips just makes him more Worried than before. "Abso-freaking-lutely fine." His eyes grow wide, looking at me with shock written all over his face. I lower down my gaze, feeling my cheeks turning pink as I feel His piercing gaze staring right through me for four long seconds before his face finally begins to relax again.

"You're so weird, dude." He give a soft laugh before leaning in for the good morning kiss. He tenses when his lips make contact with my own and he slowly opens his eyes, looking at me. My breath catches in my throat, looking at his worried features. I finally get a a grip on my self and my hand falls into his hair, pulling him close. He moans when I kiss him, biting softly at his bottom lip. He's rigid at first and I'm not even surprised about that, but thn he finally melts into our embrace, wrapping his arms around my waist as he slides his tongue into my mouth. He keeps me into his arms, whispering how much he loves me into my ear and I feel my heart clench before it starts beating erratically inside of my chest as I say, "I love you too, Connor. You have no idea." 

He smiles in respose, tightening the grip of his arms around my waist "It hasn't seemed that way in these past few days." A pout suddenly creeps over his lips and See what I'm talking about? How I'm suppose to deal with this? "Um.. What do you mean?" Wow. Great talk, Bud. 

"It's like you've been avoiding me for the past few days.." His smile fades as his eyes are suddenly filling with worry, like he's just been hit by a realization. "you're not avoiding me, aren't you?"

My eyes grow huge, letting out a soft --incredolous-- laugh. "no! Of course not.. I've Just been Busy." He relaxes, giving a soft laugh. Then he does this thing.. And I realize that I'm screwed. He looks at me expectantly for a long moment, waiting for me to say it... Waiting for me to prove that I remember what day is today. He suddenly realises, when the obliviousness on my face --miraculously-- doesn't crack, that I've forgotten about his birthday. See, there's this thing Connor does when he's frustrated. He starts biting at his bottom lip, chewing it softly between his teeth, completely unaware of the effect he has on me. For my own sake he better not ever know. The heavy silence fallen on us finally breaks when he asks me, very subtly, if I have plans for the day. 

"Nope." He just nods his head while still biting his lips. "Why?" He pulls away, his arms falling down his hips. "Just asking.." He's sad, oh no..

"What are your plans for today?" I bit my lips, holding back the amused laugh almost slipping out of my moutu as I watch his lips tugging down into a disappointed frown. He's adorable and I'm an asshole. I know. He snorts, rolling his eyes, as he's probably cursing me into his head in this very moment. "I don't know, I will probably be busy." He replies with a sharp edge in his voice that sends a sharp wave of pain me right in the chest. He lowers down his gaze, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Doing what?" His eyes snaps up, locking ,looking at me in a way that says, "dude are you for real?" His mouth falls open, letting out a sharp intake of breath, before closing it again.. Probably out of words.

"Never mind." He says with dismissive tone. I suddenly feel really, really guilty and the desire to tell him everything starts to creep inside of my chest. "I'm gonna go, now." He says with low voice as he leans in. I'm not even surprised when he kisses me on my cheek, carefully avoiding to kiss me on my mouth. This is my Punishment, the Cold shower treatment; That's what I get for forgetting his birthday. He walks away after that, looking like someone has just punched him in the stomach. I'll definitely make it up to him.

***

"Everything is set to perfection, honey." Lena says and I can hold back the sigh of relief slipping out of my lips, she smiles warmly and I can't help but hug her tightly. "Thanks for letting me have this party here."

"It's okay." She says. "As long as you stick to what we've been telling you about this party." I shake my head, smiling.

"No drinking alcohol, no strangers.. everyone at home by midnight, I promise."

"Perfect." She says. "Now, I'm gonna go.. Mama is waiting for me at the airport."

"Happy anniversary by the way."

She smiles happily as she gives me a hug. "Thanks baby and please, we'd like to find this house and you in one piece when we get back. We trust you." I give a nod and she lays a kiss through my hair before heading out of the apartment. After an hour everyone is already here so the most logic thing to do is to get the birthday boy here. I pick up my phone, frowning when after the fifth ring he doesn't pick up. I give a sigh, trying again.. After what feels like forever he finally answers sounding all groumpy. I try to pull aside the hurt.

"Hey, Baby." 

He gives a soft snort, before he finally replies with detached voice, "Hey."

" Do you think you could come here?" 

There's a three seconds pause before he says, "Why should I." Wow. Okay, this hurts.. But I'll keep reminding myself that he thinks I forgot about his birthday, so it's perfectly legit that he's mad at me. I know I would.

"Just come here."

"No." He says, and he really sounds like a baby when he says that. "I can't today. I'm just gonna stay here and playing videogames all alone." I bit my lips, holding back my laugh, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. "I think we should talk." He stays in complete silence  , breathing heavily from the other end of the line.

"Okay." He breathes a sharp intake of breath. "I'll come."

***

We're all waiting for Connor to arrive when I feel air leaving my lungs as I watch them stepping into my house.

"Hello, Jude." I feel my shoulders going rigid as a cold shiver run up my spine at the sound of her voice.

"I'll cut the crap, Daria. What the hell are you doing in my house?" she snorts as she asks to her guest. "I don't know what we've done to deserve such a rude treatment from Jude. Am I right, Nathan?" 

"Your ugly sight is enough reason to unleash my inner aggressiveness, Daria.. and your date here, locked me into a filthy closet with him, trying to assault me. So I'm not gonna ask you twice, what the hell are you doing in my house since you were not suppose to come in without invitation, and I'm pretty sure that disgusting hoes are off of my guest's list." she gives a hollow laugh, shaking her head as she points towards the new minion. "You know... You should train your brainless minions a bit better or at least brief them quickly about our history before giving them invitation's assignement. She gave me the invitation and when I said that I would have loved to come to Connor's birthday party she must have added me to the list." I feel my fists clenching as I let out slow,deep breaths as she keeps talking . "And I thought, what a best date than Nathan! See, Jude.. he was feeling so Lonely--”  
“-- And of course you couldn't waste the opportunity to save the poor hopeless case, right?”  
“Jude.” She says with fake outrage filling her voice. “That's not nice.”  
I throw a quick glance at his date and he looks like he's out of breath, his mouth is agape as he looks around himself. He seems lost and uncomfortable as he's being held by Daria's grip on his arm.

“Well.. _congratulations_ for whatever this is. A match made in heaven.”  
“Thank you!” She replies, letting out a mean laugh. “I'm just trying to behave.”  
“And I'm just trying to be sarcastic. Get the hell out of my house, Daria before I have to call security.”  
“Make me.” She counters with a challenging tone as she finally lets go 'Catatonic Nate's arm-- and she takes a step forward.  
“We'll have enough trash by the end of this party so why don't you make yourself useful for once and just get out of this house, before I have to call security and make them throw out the garbage? ” Everyone is so focused on our little show that no one notices Connor stepping into my house, not until he clears his throat looking at us with a quite pissed expression all over his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for any errors but I was editing from my phone since my laptop is currently having some schizophrenic behaviour. LOL  
> Next chapter's title is : "blowing candles" *smirks*


	30. blowing candles.

“What the hell is going on?” He asks while looking around himself in complete disbelief. When there's a loud “Surprise!” Echoing through the whole room , he flinches momentarily, blinking few times before laying his gaze on me.

“Happy birthday, Con!” it feels very hard for me to crack a carefree smile considering the way he's looking at me. He seems like freezed on his spot, not daring to take a step or move a muscle. My heart skips some beats when he doesn't smile, I feel it clenching and then shattering in million pieces inside of my chest. I feel my chest heavily rising and falling as my breathing starts getting shallow. 

"Jude." His low voice makes me lift up my gaze, meeting his eyes. He gulps, suddenly shy as he stutters. "D-did you do this.. All of this.. Is for me?"

I nod my head, suddenly unable to let out any words. I hear a short intake of breath and before I have time to process what's happening, Connor crosses the room in two long strides, until he's standing right in front of me. He closes his eyes, breathing heavily, as he rests his forehead against mine. 

His breaths quickly get shallow as he finally opens his eyes. "So... You love me." It sounds like a question, but it's really isn't. It's more like a realization and I can't hold back the confused gasp escaping my lips at his stupid assertion, ignoring the fact that everyone is basically hearing and witnessing the whole thing. "Of course I love you. I thought it was pretty clear." He lets out a distressed sigh out of his throat as he pulls me against his firm chest. "I thought.... I..."

"Hey.. Enjoy this moment." I say to him, realizing that our moment is currently witnessed by the whole crowd of guests. "We'll talk later." He nods, flashing his gorgeous smile to me before taking my hand. "Let's go dancing." He says.

We're wrapped into each other's arms as he gently hums the lyrics and swaying to the sound of the slow song, currently playing in the background.

"What?" He asks as he smiles against the crook of my neck.

"You're happy." I like to think that I'm the reason of his smile, that I gave him something that made him happy.

"I am." He confirms. "And it's all because of you." His words hit me right in the chest as I feel my cheeks turning pink. 

Connor's bright smile never fade throughout the whole party. He seems so happy as he stares down at the lit candles, laughing when we start singing 'Happy birthday to you'.

He gives me a quick glance just before blowing the candles, I feel my heart speeding up on his beats as his eyes lock with mine. The sights takes my breath away.

He smiles softly, communicating all of his love with only his eyes before he closes his eyes, blowing out the candles. He looks up again, laughing softly when he hears everyone clapping at him. My heart has never been fuller.

Everyone go home and Connor kindly suggest to stay a bit longer.

"You don't have to." He smiles, hugging me tightly. " I want to help you clean this mess."

When we're halfway through it, I realize that it's past midnight. 

"Do you want to stay over?" He seems like he wants to but then he looks at me with puppy eyes. "I hope so.. Let me check with aunt Jackie."

"okay."

His aunt says it's okay, as long as there's an adult.. Well.. Techically my sister is going to be home soon. She's unaware of my guest, but she'll be here.

"Mariana is gonna be here."

"But my aunt will never know that. " Connor replies, giving a giggle when I take his hand and we start running upstairs, in my room.

We lay on my queen size bed, my head is resting on his chest as he runs his fingers through my hair, letting out soft sighs once in a while. After ten minutes of cuddling, I shift onto my stomach, resting my hands on his chest.

"Hey." He smiles. He's gorgeous and he's mine.

"You really thought that I wasn't in love with you anymore? " He sighs as he sits up before pulling me on his lap.

"Well.. You've been all weird and distant lately.. I thought you didn't want me anymore."

my mouth falls open, letting out a loud gasp. "Connor Stevens."

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm terrible." He seems really sorry as he looks at me apologetically with that dorky pout on his lips.

I give a laugh, getting off the bed. He stays in silence, watching as I open my drawer, pulling out a white box with a blue ribbon on it. I sit again on his lap, laying the gift on the bed. "That is for me?"

I give him a nod. "But you should read this, first." He looks taken aback when I pull out a white envelope and he starts opening with shaky hands.

"Well.. Let's see what my boyfriend has to say to me that obviously can't say out loud."

"I can say it out loud but it's long." I give him a shrug of my shouders.

He smiles, clearing his throat as he starts reading out loud.

" _Dear Connor._

 _You know I don't have a way with words and This letter is probably going to be lame and unworthy of winning a nobel prize."_ He looks up, laughing softly. "You're so ridicolous." 

"Keep reading."

_"... But I really wanted to open my heart on your birthday and telling you all the things I've never said to you before._

_Even though we're still young, reckless, immature and full of drama, I'm proud of the road we've gone through. I'm not sure if I ever told you this but you've been my first crush."_ He stops reading and my breath catches in my throat when there's a soft blush creeping over his cheeks. He smiles and then he keep reading _. "I've always tried to keep my crush for you on the down low while fighting within myself every single day, debating if I should have followed my heart or my mind. I've tried to follow my mind, so many times.. I've tried to push aside my feelings for you and when you kissed me for the first time it felt like something exploded inside of me. You know, I've always dreamed about living moment like these, with you --And I know You're not used to my sapness and this is probably feels weird for you-- but now that I'm finally yours and you're finally mine it's better that any expectation I had coming in.. But let's stop talking about me, it's your_ _birthday and you deserve someone who tells you how wonderful you are._

_16 years ago you were given to this world and despite you've been living your whole life in a golden cage, you've always missed something. No one ever told you how amazing you are, Connor. No one ever told you that you've worhty. No one ever told you to be yourself. No one ever told you that you're loved. Well.. I love you and I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the caring, considerative young man you've become. I'm proud that you can finally be youserlf and that you've chosen to open yourself up to your future and more importantly to your happiness. We've gone through a lot together and I couldn't be any happier to be with you on your special day. I hope my gift will always remember you that you're not alone in this world. Love, Jude."_

"Jude." His voice trembles as tears are running down his cheeks. He's crying. I haven't realized I'm crying too, not until I feel my own eyes glistening with tears.

"I love you."  

"I-I hope you like it.. You've been looking at it at the store and I thought..-" He opens the box, gasping at what he sees in there. "Oh Jude.." He sighs, pulling out the platinum watch out of the box. I still remember the look of awe on his face when he saw that watch, he said it resembled the one his mom gave him when he was a kid and that Adam stole away from him. He sniffs softly, before the brightest of the smiles creeps over his lips as he reads the engraving on the back. "I'm proud of you. -Connor Stevens."

his mouth opens and closes few times as he struggles, trying to find the right words. "It's beautiful." He says with voice full of emotion. "You didn't have to.."

"Something so beautiful deserve to be owned by someone worth of that beauty."

He stares at the watch in awe as his eyes sparkle in the darkness of the room and that makes me feel like there's nothing in this world that could ruin the perfection of this moment. I feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach realizing that something I did made Connor happy. I love him so much.

He smiles, gently caressing the short hair at the nape of my neck, before kissing me. "Thank you." He breathes between fervent kisses. "Thank you for everything, Jude." He pulls away, cupping my face. "I have no words to describe you. You're incredible, fearless and kind hearted and I love you so damn much." 

He pulls me closer, holding me by my back as he brings me down with him.

He sighs happily, before running his hand through my hair. "This Is what I wished for, earlier."

I can't hold back the smile spreading on my lips as I climb upwards, straddling his  lap. "You have me."

"I got you." He pulls me down, kissing me softy on the lips as his hand runs over my back until it reaches the waistband of my pants He smiles against my lips as he pulls out my shirt.

"What do you think you're doing?" He smiles before, pushing me down on the mattress. He climbs on top of me, smirking deviously. "Blowing out my candles." He undresses me slowly at a very teasing pace, until I'm a whimpering mess underneath him. He smiles throughout the whole time, the asshole. He likes to tease me until I'm a writhing mess. He knows what buttons to push and he has every intention of pushing them all. He makes me going insane with light, lingering touches.. Brushing his finger like it's a paint brushing over the canvas.

"Con," my voice comes out strangled as he runs his lips over my tigh. I manage to find the streght to open my eyes and my breaths catches in my throat when I'm met by his eyes as he wraps his mouth around the head of my dick. It's all so erotic that makes my head spin and makes me feel completely unable to keep my eyes open. Despite the darkness filling my senses, I feel him and see him behind my closed eyelids as he bobs his head up and down until soft pants are slipping out of my lips. My grip behind his scalp tightens as he sucks harder, letting out the most erotic moans. "Con. Please." 

I can't take it anymore, I need him like I've never needed anything more badly in my entire life. I need him inside, filling me up, taking my body and making me feel midless and wrecked with want. He pulls out letting out a breathless laugh, maybe amused by the desperation flashing across my features. He climbs up again, whispering how much he loves me against my lips before pulling me into a deep kiss. In this moment I feel like I can't even kiss him back, considering the way I'm trembling underneath his firm body. 

"Oh God. Oh God.. Please." He smiles as he speeds up the motions of his fingers, currently moving inside me. He does it on purpose; He moves his fingers faster inside until I'm no longer capable of functioning. He smiles, running his lips over my skin as climbs back up.

"You're killing me. You'll have sex with a dead body." I feel him giving a soft laugh against my nipples, before running his tongue over the flesh. "Stay with me. I need you alive and consenting for this."

After lots of teasing touches of his tongue over my nipples, he finally puts on the condom. "Oh Jesus." He smiles, looking up as he sits on his knees, straddling my waist. He gives a bashful laugh when he notices that my eyes are drawn to a very specific part of him, currently covered by a layer of latex.

"My eyes are up here." He says with mocking tone before Settling between my legs. He kisses me softly on the lips, before pushing inside. He stops when he notices that I'm whimpering and my eyes are fluttering closed. "You okay?" 

"Yeah.. Just need a minute." It's not the first time we have sex. Our first time was in the back of a limo for Christ sake, but It always takes a minute of adjusting before finally feel him inside as our bodies start moving... _mine._

 "I'm yours baby, I will always be yours."

"Love you." He thrusts deeper. "Connor."

he sighs, laying soft kisses long my collarbone as he thrusts inside of my body. "Love you too." He whimpers against my skin, so soft.. Like a prayer. He keeps saying it again and again and again.... _"Mine."_ _"Love you._ " And then his voice breaks into a gasp as he moans _"Jude."_ He touches me as he moves faster inside, I feel air leaving my lungs as he speeds up on his thrusts pushing deeper, harder, faster.. He keeps tugging at my dick, taking me with him down the most intense orgasm of my life. I hope Mariana isn't at home yet.. Because my loud roar of pleasure echoing through the room will be very awkward to explain to my moms, when they'll come back from their anniversary trip. He breathes harshly as he falls back on the mattress, he gives a exhilarated giggle before wrapping me into his arms, kissing my hair.

"Thank you for making this day the most memorable of my life." He whispers in my hair. I look up, staring into his hazel ones. "I'm really happy that you planned this party just for making me happy..” He says.”But Remember that you'll always be the greatest gift life has ever given me."

My eyes suddenly starts getting teary as he smiles. "I'll never give up on you."

I nod into his chest, laying a soft kiss on his beating heart. "My bet is on us."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well.. here we go.  
> Thank you for every single one of you reading, commenting and leaving kudos on this story.. it had always given me the strenght to keep updating, so thank you very much.  
> I hope you liked this one last chapter and I'm looking forward to know your opinion about this story as whole  
> Once again, THANK YOU! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @ skyblue993  
> 


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